|The No Time
Author: todellisus PM
(formerly called "A Man In A Banana Costume") "Watch closely... This was the end of a man who used to be in a banana costume. He will never come again." ... The inspiring journey of a man in a banana costume who becomes a prophet.Rated: Fiction T - English - Spiritual/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,733 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 02-27-13 - Published: 11-26-12 - id: 3077853
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
While everyone was busy expressing their laments for the one they lost, the train slipped on the banana peel and got onto a different track. The passengers never even noticed—the transition was so smooth, the banana peel so slippery, the path of the rails so perfect. Neither did the conductor, he was far too busy sobbing about a man who used to be in a banana costume.
The train sped off into the sunset, promptly arriving in Australia. The conductor, surprised, turned on the intercom.
"I'm afraid we have arrived to a different destination than we planned. Next station, Sydney, Australia." He pushed a button that opens the subway doors, and some people got off the train and went to exploring Australia. They saw kangaroos and koalas and pandas and lemurs and they fed them bread and carrots out of plastic bags. The animals begged for more, attracting the attention of the zookeepers, who reprimanded all of the people that were feeding the animals and kicked them out of the zoo.
After letting people off, the train moved on. It traveled through the desert and across rivers and streams. It cut through mountains and flew over gorges and cliffs. Finally, it arrived at Sydney, Australia. The people cheered, they were so happy to get off the train, after riding it for three days with no food or water. They ran out of the train as soon as the doors open, pushing at each other and creating a mass panic. They spilled out onto the platform and scared a bunch of aussies, who yelled "bloody kiwis!" and ran away from the station, back to their homes and told their children that people from New Zealand were attacking.
An angry man in a blue uniform with gold trimmings and a hat came out of a building and started shouting at people to shut up. He took out a baton and started beating people. The Australians started cheering, thinking that he was destroying the invaders from New Zealand. They laughed and broke out bottles of booze. Finally, the commotion settled as both the train travelers and the Australians settled their differences over copious amounts of alcohol and hors d'ouvers. Somebody brought a plate fish and chips and started ripping them in half. Miraculously, there turned out to be enough fish and chips for everyone to eat and everyone ate and they were happy and they made peace. For the people who were allergic to seafood and vegetarians they brought out veggie-burgers from burger king and then EVERYONE was truly happy.
The man who brought the fish and chips was a man in a banana suit. Once he had established peace on the train station and employed the baton wielding blue uniformed man in a hat as his personal guard, he gathered all the people of the train station and caught the next train. He held the conductor hostage and used his armed travelers—who had become hobos—and endless amounts of fish and chips—and veggie burgers—to make world peace. Everyone was very happy and the United Nations disbanded and there was no government anymore and everything became anarchy, but it was peaceful anarchy so nobody was killed, but there were no pirates, so many people weren't happy, because a true anarchy has pirates. But they understood the fact that a true utopia can't exist, and that their form of missing government was the closest thing to perfect that humans could manage, so they were satisfied. And it was all due to a man in a banana costume who was armed with fish and chips and veggie burgers.