|Kanga: The Best Autobiography Ever
Author: KangaTheKittyKat PM
The life of the average cat is fairly boring: Eat, play, use the litter box, plan world domination while the humans sleep. Everyday stuff. Thank goodness I'm not your average cat.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 831 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 03-16-13 - Published: 11-28-12 - id: 3078291
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
So citizens of the cyber world, you know a little bit about me; now, where to start my autobiography? I have been curious about this and torn apart (err, looked through) various writing manuals from Alexandra's bookcase. Writing for Dummies and HELP! GET ME THROUGH MY COMPOSITION CLASS both suggest beginning from your humble origins.
I could begin with how my parents, Ginseng and Jasper, met. But then this story would lose its PG-13 rating, and no one wants that. I suppose the simplest place to begin would be with meeting Alexandra.
The very first day I met Alexandra was the day I was born. I had just landed on the cold floor when a pair of warm hairless paws picked me up and settled me into a heated fuzzy blanket. There were high pitched "meows" all around me and someone kicked me in the face! As if that weren't bad enough, I was being attacked by a giant monster! Well, not really attacked; but it was definitely trying to soften up my head to have as a snack for later. I panicked at first, not liking the feeling of fingers petting my head, but a few quick licks and a familiar scent reassured me; mom was nearby! The monster was probably trying to eat her, too!
As soon as I thought that, the fingers stopped petting my head and I decided to make my getaway towards mom. I was surrounded by fuzzy blanket and my siblings, a dangerous combination. Kicking my way was definitely a struggle and I became exhausted fairly quickly. I took a second to catch my breath and regroup my thoughts. What if I hopped? That was certainly a faster method of transportation. Of course!
Gathering my immense feline strength in my haunches, I roared my loudest high pitched "meow" and pushed my tiny body up and beyond. I would like to think I made it a full half centimeter. Yeah, I know. That's impressive. Go ahead and awe at my agility and speed, cyber humans.
Continuing on to the story, as soon as my paws left the floor, I heard a high pitched squeal emit from the monster keeping me and mom and my siblings.
"Oh, did you guys see that?! My kitten hopped!"
Her kitten? Oh, I didn't think so. I belonged to no one! Just to prove it, I roared another "meow" and hopped away again, possibly making it a quarter of a centimeter this time.
This time I heard multiple squeals coming from several directions and quickly closing in on me. This was worse than I thought! There were at least four from the sounds of footsteps and yelps. I made a last ditch desperate hop but to no avail; I was soon in the clutches of one of those monsters once more.
"Is this one a girl or a boy?"
I was flipped over, the sudden movement causing me to hold on as tight as I could to the monster. I silently hoped my claws of steel caused it intense discomfort as they sunk into its pathetic excuse for fur.
"Girl!" The monster that held me proclaimed.
"Awesome! Little Kanga, then. Like kangaroo. She's a little hopper."
I was handed over to another monster, this one scent familiar to me as the very first one that had picked me up from the cold and stroked me. I "meowed" in an effort to scare it but I only succeeded in making the monster hold me against itself, where a warm beating sound filled my ears. It was loud yet calming; just like it had been when I slept in mom's belly with my siblings. Feeling in my paws that this monster wouldn't eat me, I had drifted off into sleep.