Lying in the hammock between the large oak trees in her backyard, Dillan cried.

She thought of the look on Amanda's face when she had first set foot in the Mayer's yard earlier that spring afternoon. Dillan's breath caught as she thought about the ginger girl's innocent curiosity. She couldn't even show her face to the world as she remembered the tears in her eyes before Amanda had smacked her in the face and run out of the yard. Dillan was so damn stupid.

A week ago, everything had been perfect. Dillan and Amanda were happy and head-over-heals in love. Dillan was not only Amanda's first girlfriend, but her first relationship in general. For eight months, the girls had been in complete bliss, but Dillan was feeling an itch.

Though she loved the girl, Dillan had never been off the market for so long, with only one person and no sex. She was used to going to a party every weekend, picking up anyone she wanted and doing whatever she wanted with her normally-sloshed cutie. She would hang on to them for maybe a week, at most, and then throw them back into her large pool of hump-and-dumps.

Then Amanda, with her strawberry curls and honor, cheerleader attitude came along.

Amanda, though she had never had any practice, knew what she wanted. When Dillan attempted to get with her, Amanda put her on a rope just long enough to hang herself with. Intrigued, Dillan went along with it. She asked her out on a real date, actually listened to her when she spoke, even kept her hands at bay when they were alone in her room.

Little by little, Dillan's determination in the challenge to get this girl turned into an actual desire to get to know her, a need to have Amanda in her life. It was a weird—yet welcomed—new feeling, and she wasn't willing to let it go. After four months of courting the girl with the strawberry curls, on February 10th, the two made it official, sealing it with a first kiss.

You can't always teach an old dog new tricks, though.

Dillan had given up parties when the girls got together. At first, it was okay, she didn't need a party to have fun. As time went on, around the beginning of the eighth month, Dil began to miss the rush, the music, the alcohol, her party friends.

'One more time couldn't hurt as long as I'm responsible, right?'

Though it sounded good enough, she knew Amanda would never buy it. They had been to a party together once and, to make a long story short, "never again" was stated a several times once Dillan was sober enough to remember. But, honestly, what was the harm if Amanda never found out?

Two weeks before their nine month anniversary, Amanda would be attending a wedding across the country in Seattle and wouldn't be back until the 9th. The day before that was the biggest party of the whole year—Dave Hoffman's birthday bash—and Dillan definitely wasn't going to miss it. She explained to Amanda that she would be babysitting her cousin Sophie and couldn't really be on the phone much that night. Amanda sighed, but didn't object, since she found her girlfriend's closeness with her cousin so incredibly adorable. Dillan had found herself a quiet little escape; 'painless, simple, and Amanda never has to know' she thought to herself, marveling at her own genius.

November 8th, Dillan got herself all dolled up and sexified. After one last goodnight call to the love of her life, she headed out to find her old self. That old girl quickly rushed back into view as, upon arrival, a red cup of beer was shoved into her hand and she was pushed into a grind line. It didn't take long for Dil to get way to friendly on the dance floor with the one and only Dave Hoffman.

Filled to their ears with lukewarm liquor, the two were getting personal against the vibrating walls of the living-room. A faint picture of her strawberry blonde girlfriend was drowning in the liquor as Dave drowned her neck in saliva. It wasn't exactly the most appealing, but as hammered as she was how could she tell? It wasn't until someone dug their nails into her arm that she finally snapped out of it.

"Dude, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!" Hana Patricks was staring at her like she was the biggest slut in the world.

"Uh, whaaaa-?"

"You idiot! You finally got a good girl and you're gonna throw it all away? The hell is your problem?! GO HOME!"

Forty-five ignored calls later, Amanda threw her cellphone off her balcony and into the street. 'What the hell was she thinking?! How could she think I wouldn't be angry?!' Amanda lay down and placed the ice pack back on her forehead. After leaving Dillan's house, she had been crying for hours, but the sadness had finally subsided into anger. She wasn't used to this feeling, and it was giving her a migraine. She thought of all the details that her girlfriend—newly her ex-girlfriend—was probably keeping from her. She clenched her fists and then *click* a lightbulb went off in her head.

"Perfect," Amanda whispered and headed to her closet.

The door to Dillan's room swung open and her mom walked in. "Honey, you have a visitor."

"Mom, I told you; I just wanna be left alone."

Dillan flung her pillow at the door, which slowly closed. It was apparent that someone was in the room, because the click of heals was getting closer, louder.

"Mom, I said go away—"

Amanda stared down at Dillan's shocked face. The girl looked half as trashy as Dil's old type; heals too high, tight leather pants, shear tube top, too much makeup, hair straightened to death—

just screaming "I'm an easy target". The strawberry blonde girl crawled on top of her, staring down into her eyes.

"Is this really what you want? Some cheap whore you don't have to care for? All the times you told me you loved me, was it all just some big game to you?"

Tears welled up in both girls' eyes. Suddenly, without thinking, Dillan sprang at the girl, causing them to roll off the bed, Amanda on bottom with Dillan clinging to her.

"I'm sorry. I really thought I could control myself. I just felt like I might be losing myself, like I was becoming fake. I never wanted to hurt you, I just wasn't prepared. Please, A, could you ever forgive me? I'll do anything!"

"Why didn't you just talk to me?"

"I thought you would think something different."

"Dil, I trust you! At least, I did. How can we have a relationship without trust and communication?"

Amanda could feel the poor girl's tears soak down her chest. She had never seen her girlfriend cry. Suddenly, both the girls' phones started going off. It was the anniversary reminder they had both set. They turned them off and were immediately met with a collage of their most cutesy pictures together.

Amanda looked into the eyes of her first love. "It'll take time, but I think we might just be worth it."

Dillan smiled from ear to eat as tears continued to pour from her eyes.

"I love you."

"Forever and always."