|Mustang Collides with Pole, Causing Death of Driver
Author: Snoutmol PM
This is meant as a parody of a news article. The humor is somewhat dry. When I wrote this, I tried to implement the same serious tone that a news article might portray. My hope, however, is that the reader will see the author as naive and hilariously mechanical. Rated T for some 'violence'.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 336 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 12-08-12 - Status: Complete - id: 3081240
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Mustang Collides with Pole, Causing Death of Driver
A man named John Frazier was in a fatal car accident involving him, a 1998 Ford Mustang, and a pole. This accident was created in response to a collision between the pole and the Mustang. The point of impact between these two objects occurred at the intersection connecting Main Street and Broad Street.
The twenty year old may have lost control of the vehicle because rain had caused the road he was driving on to be wet. It is possible that the wetness of the road caused the wheels of the vehicle to lose traction.
It was in question why the car was going at a speed of over sixty miles per hour, almost twenty miles over the speed limit. It was then found that John Frazier's foot was causing this large amount of speed, which experts agree was most likely pressed against the gas pedal.
After the pole and the Mustang collided, John Frazier exited the car in a widely unconventional way, which resulted in the creation of a hole in the automobile's windshield slightly larger than John Frazier. Investigation is under way by car manufacturers to find out John's creative way of exiting the vehicle; it may be implemented in future car models. The young man was found dead, lying about twenty feet from the start of his flight.
A large gash in the man's stomach shows that the twenty year old probably died of a large gash in his stomach. Although this conclusion is slightly redundant, health care professionals lay assured that this information is completely accurate and should not be pursued any longer.
"Through a series of tests which involved the deaths of thousands of lab rats and several volunteers, we found that fatality could be caused by splitting open the stomach and removing it's contents," said Ph.D Carmen Bur, a researcher at Oregon Health and Science University.
John Frazier's body (excluding the former stomach contents) will be buried in Whale Cemetery this Saturday.