|Waiting For You (To Love Me Back)
Author: sailor skippy PM
Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is hard. Especially when you're both guys and the other guy is straight. I really need to stop being so touchy-feely with Heath. That probably won't happen, though./ Porter's in love with his best friend, Heath, who's very aware of this love. M/M slash (rated T for drug use)Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 31,955 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 03-13-13 - Published: 12-12-12 - id: 3082375
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
It's hard to think that I could recognize the feeling of love when I was in 8th grade. Not that stupid kind of love either, when two pre-teens sort of hold hands and hang out a lot and think that that's all there is to love. Feeling such a strong emotion in 8th grade was scary, like, really scary. Especially since I'm in love with my best friend - best male friend.
The bell ringing for lunch made me jump, and I put a hand on my chest hoping it would calm my heart. That's when Heath - the guy I love - walked up to my desk with his lunch box.
"You alright dude?"
I stood and scrunched my nose, looking at the ground, "I'm fine."
Feeling his skeptical glance towards me I grabbed his arm and headed in the opposite direction of the lunch room. It was now or never, I guess. Okay - not really but I might as well get it out of the way.
"What gives? I'm hungry, Port," Heath pouted and I wanted to punch him in the face because I was so frustrated at how attractive he was.
"I know, I know," I sighed, "This won't take long."
We stopped walking once we reached the wall outside the art room and Heath immediately leaned against it, "Is something bothering you?" He crossed his arms and I began fumbling with my hands.
"I need to tell you something,"
Noticing my nervousness he pushed himself off the wall and put a hand on my shoulder, "Is everything okay?"
I nudged his hand off me and took a step back noticing the heat that lingered from his touch, "Everything's fine Heath, don't worry. I just need to tell you something."
He went back to leaning on the wall and crossed his arms, and quirked an eyebrow at me. Oh man.
Sucking in a deep breath I looked him in the eyes and began talking, "I don't expect an answer from you. In fact – I don't want one. I'm only telling you because you deserve to know. I feel like it would be wrong to keep this from you since we promised not to keep secrets from each other, like good friends. I'm… I'm hoping nothing will change between us."
He pulled a confused face and I held back a sympathetic one, ignoring the pull in my chest. I interrupted him before he could say anything.
"I love you, okay? Like, I love you Heath,"
The confused look on his face stayed for a few seconds, eyebrows crossed like his brain was working something out. Something then clicked in his head and his eyes lit up causing his eyebrows to shoot up. Slowly straightening his stance, he dropped his arms to his sides and opened his mouth,
Our gazed were locked and I saw him gulp. This was probably where he would get freaked out and tell me we could no longer be friends. Man, life sucks sometimes.
He then slowly nodded his head, "Okay."
"…okay?" I nearly choked... okay?!
He nodded again and looked away, running a hang through his hair and glanced around nervously "How long…?"
"Middle of last year," I mumbled, looking at the wall on the other side of the hallway.
"Oh," He kept glancing around awkwardly and opened and closed his mouth, searching for words to say.
We were stuck in a short silence, where we both kept looking at anything but each other (we probably looked like idiots) which he finally broke by sighing loudly, "Well as long as we stay friends, I don't care if you love me or not. You could hate me for all I care and I'd still wanna be your friend. You can't lose me that easily bro."
I laughed at this, and he pulled me into a hug, all my worries dissolving in his warmth, "I'm glad you understand."
Present – Senior year
Being the Monday after homecoming weekend, everyone was either coming off their excitement highs or planning on what to do for Halloween. It was only about a week and a half away, which made me eager to get to next period so Heath and I could continue our conversation from second period about what to go as. Each year we collaborated our costumes in some sort of way, and for senior year we wanted to do something cool.
I waited patiently to go out the door, not wanting to get caught up in the squeeze of students, and was quickly pulled into a strong chest the moment I exited the classroom.
"Porter!" Heath's yell was similar to a caveman's, and I shoved him away from me while laughing.
"You scared me, you butthole! How did you get here so fast? Your class is on the other side of the school!"
"Teacher let us out early," He stuck his tongue out at me and we started walking to last period.
Heath was taller than me, about three inches, and even though it wasn't a huge difference I was always hyper aware of this. I always had to look up at him slightly while talking, and he would always look down. It was something I loved, to be honest; how he had to slightly change his line of vision just to look me in the eyes. He did that for everyone, though, and there were a few guys he himself had to look up at. It was still something I treasured though, simple as it is.
He nudged me in the side, "Earth to Porter?"
"Sorry," I laughed, "just thinking about Halloween!"
"So we're on the same page! This year has to be awesome,"
"Each year is awesome, Heath."
"Which is why we have so much work to do," He sighed, "We have to out-awesome the past years."
I laughed again and he put a hand on my head to ruffle my hair.
"Stop that!" I reached up to do the same to his, but he grabbed my arm and pushed me away, "No way Port, you know better than that!"
"Oh please, it's not like it takes you that long to do your hair,"
His hand hovered over his head and he pursed his lips, "It takes skill to get it this way Port, you wouldn't understand."
Smiling, I rolled my eyes at his stupid blonde hair that was stupidly gelled in the front, making the stupidest mini-quiff ever. Such a stupid hairstyle.
I really loved his hair, if it's not obvious.
My hair, on the other hand, was dull. Dark brown locks doing nothing but sitting on my head looking boring; I was awful at figuring out hairstyles.
"So how about that dinosaur from Dragon Tales?"
"You know - the two-headed one!"
"As long as I'm the green one, I'm down,"
"I don't want to be the girl!"
He pouted and huffed as we turned a corner, "Fine, we'll do something else."
Ducking his head to think as we walked, I put a hand on his shoulder to guide him away from people bumping into us. The moment we entered our classroom and snapped his fingers, "How about the two guys from that Gangnam Style video? I'll be Psy and you'll be the guy in the yellow suit!"
"I will kill you,"
He groaned as we took our seats in the back of the class, "Sandra, tell Porter to stop being so difficult!"
A girl with short, messy strawberry blonde hair sitting in the desk in front of Heath's turned around and smiled at us, her big smile taking up the bottom half of her cute face "Lover's quarrel? What is it this time, boys?"
"He won't agree to any of my Halloween costumes!" Heath pointed to me and pouted as I took a seat.
"Stop whining. You're reminding me of my sister when she was five,"
Sandra laughed and faced the front of the room again, causing Heath to pout and complain to me.
"Porter," He whined and I put my head in my hands.
"Just keep coming up with ideas," I groaned as our teacher took his place in front of the class.
"What if we went as giant pillowcases, and used human-shaped bags,"
I belted out in laughter and wrapped my arms around my waist, causing the book I was putting in my locker to slide out and fall to the floor, "Are you serious? Where do you come up with this stuff?!"
He laughed with me and shrugged, "I'm desperate for ideas man!"
Since our lockers are assigned by last names, Heath had to trade someone to get a locker next to mine. I offered to give mine up to someone so he wouldn't get in trouble in case we were caught, but he told me he'd rather get detention than have a neighboring locker to Chelsy.
Our laughter was interrupted by someone tapping Heath's shoulder.
Speak of the devil.
A shy smile on her face, Chelsy stood behind Heath twirling a lock of hair on her finger, "Hey Heath."
"Uh," He straightened up, Chelsy's head only coming up to about his chin. Staring down at her confused, he cleared his throat, "Um, how can I help you?"
She giggled and put a hand on his arm. She then looked at me and flipped her hair over her shoulder with her other hand, "Mind if I borrow him?"
I held back a sneer and shrugged, "It's up to him."
He looked at me nervously and I raised an eyebrow, telling him to go with her even though I wanted her to leave this planet and never come back.
"Great!" She squealed and ran her hand down Heath's arm to slip her fingers around his, "We'll only be a few minutes."
"No worries," I strained my lips to smile, "Just meet me at the car, Heath."
"Sure?" He closed his locker as Chelsy pulled him away.
Closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths, I picked my book up off the floor and finished getting the stuff I needed for homework.
I didn't have to wait long before Heath exited the school, warily making his way to the car.
"Everything alright?" I asked as he flung his bag into the backseat.
"I…," He paused, closing the backseat's door and pressing his hands on the handle, "Chelsy wants to go out with me again."
I stopped opening my car door and looked him in the eyes. He kept his glance away from me and bit his lip, "What did you say to her?"
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I said no."
I didn't notice there was a weight on my chest until it went away and I tried my best not to scream in joy. The only thing I wanted to do right now was run over to Heath and pull him into a hug. Instead, I asked, "Why?"
"Why?" He scoffed, pulling open the passenger door, "She treated me like shit. There's no way I'm getting back with her."
I copied him as he slid into his seat and closed the door. As I started the car he groaned, "She probably just wants something."
"Yeah," I chuckled, "Like a taste of your sweet ass."
"She's already got of taste of my ass dude, you know that."
"Then the greedy bitch wants seconds," I mumbled, pulling out of my parking spot.
Heath laughed and slumped down in his seat, "See, this is why I love you."
I glanced down at him and smiled, ignoring the pain in my chest, "Love you too, bro."
During the drive to Heath's house we sat in a comfortable silence, Heath occasionally fiddling with the radio. He left it at a popular music station and laughed when I cringed at the suggestive rap lyrics. When we pulled up to his house he hopped out of the car and reached into the backseat, grabbing both of our backpacks.
He handed me my bag when he had to get his house keys out of his pocket, "Thank you, my kind sir." I grinned.
"My pleasure, fair lady."
My face falling to a pout, I swung my backpack at his butt while he stepped into his house, "That's rude!"
"How is that rude! I got your bag for you! Hitting someone's butt though, that's rude,"
"Welcome home boys," Heath's mom greeting from the kitchen.
"Afternoon, Ms. Wage!"
We raced down the hallway, like we always did, seeing who could get to Heath's room first. He always won but there have been times when I've cheated and got there before him. Heath had a downstairs room, and being an only child he was like lord of the downstairs.
Not including the kitchen. His mom hardly ever let him in there.
There was an incident in middle school where he nearly burnt the house down. I don't really know the whole story since I was visiting relatives when it happened.
"So what are we working on first?"
"Do you have English homework?" Heath nodded, "Is it lesson review on Unit 3?"
"Yep, every single question."
"How about you do that, and I'll do math?" I suggested.
Heath's strong point was in the Language Arts, and I was slightly better than him at math, so we just did what we were best at and copied the other's work.
We sat in silence for half an hour, working our butts off to finish the homework fast, before I could feel Heath's gaze on my face. Annoyed, I turned to him and quirked an eyebrow. I could tell he was trying his hardest to keep back a smile, and I rolled my eyes as he let out the saddest excuse for a cough I've ever heard.
I turned back to the homework, ignoring each time he would cough or accidentally giggle. After a few more coughs I turned to him and frowned, "I can't do this with you right now!"
"But Porter, my throat's dry," He stuck out his bottom lip and I held back from doing the same.
"What do you want me to do about it?"
"Get me some water?"
"…You would be dead without me," I grunted as I stood and left his room.
I greeted his mom as I walked over to the cupboard that held the glasses.
"Porter, could you be a dear and get this bowl for me?"
I turned around to look at Ms. Wage and saw her pointing to a bowl on the top shelf. She was a short woman; Heath obviously got his height from his dad. "Of course!"
She moved out of the way as I pulled the dish down and set it on the counter, "Thanks, love. How's homework coming along?"
"Good. You know Heath though," I laughed, "Inconveniencing me any way he can while I'm trying to get work done."
She smiled fondly at me, "Yes, he's a pain in the ass, that boy."
"I don't mind though," I said as I turned back to grab the glass and fill it with water from the fridge.
"That boy is out of his mind you know,"
"How could he have ever dated that Chelsy girl when he has you?"
I nearly dropped the glass of water after she said that and cleared my throat, "You know we're only friends, Ms. Wage."
"Just call me Kate son, in fact, call me mom!"
I turned to look at her and put a hand on my hip. She sighed and rolled her eyes, "Yes Porter, I know you boys are just friends."
Ms. Wage sighed in defeat and wiped her hands on a cloth.
"You know… Chelsy asked him out again today," I pulled the glass of water close to my chest and looked down at it.
"Don't tell me that stupid boy said yes," She groaned and moved the bowl next to the stove, then turning to a pot of something and stirring it.
"He said no,"
"Wonderful! I never liked that girl, she never covered up her legs," Ms. Wage turned down the flame on the stove and grabbed the bowl again.
"Why cover up something so hot?" I laughed as I quoted Chelsy and Ms. Wage shot me a glare.
I said a quick goodbye as she began mumbling about how kids these days are so immodest and walked back to Heath's room.
"Porter, what took you so long? I nearly died!"
"Hush you, it wasn't that long,"
"Can I have the water now?"
I turned away, bringing the glass to my lips to take a sip, "I don't know, why should I give it to you?"
He pouted and stood up, walking closer to me with that stupid wounded puppy dog face and I shoved the water into his chest before he could do anything else, "Asshole," I mumbled.
"But you love me," He winked as he gulped down the water.
Yeah, unfortunately, I thought.
This is a repost! I had the first 4 chapters posted, but I deleted them. I changed the title of the story, the summary, and I edited the chapter. Right now I'm working on chapter 9, and I'll upload a chapter every week.
Review and tell me what you think!