Massacre, My Child

It is so hard today,

I don't know how I am breathing,

I feel so frozen inside,

As if time had frozen with me.

I have this gut wrenching pain,

As my heart is being squeezed,

I don't know how to release this pain,

That even my tears can't ease.

i

Sitting here on your bed hugging your cold pillow,

Trying to breathe in your scent,

I am trying to remember everything about you,

My mind going back when your mom was pregnant with you,

I was there when your mom gave birth to you,

Hearing your voice as you cry for the first time,

Laying my eyes on you for the first time,

Touching your tiny hand for the first time.

i

Witnessing you grow leaps and bounds,

Listening to you as you learn to talk,

Watching you as you learn to walk and run,

Smiling with you as you learn to laugh and smile.

Glad to be able to hold and carry you,

Joyful to be able to be near you,

Happy to be able to hug and kiss you,

Grateful to be able to love you.

i

Days passed into years,

Happy to be celebrating all your birthdays,

My heart leaped buying gifts for you,

Thinking of all the toys I could buy for you.

Happy to buy costumes for your hearts content,

Buying all the chocolates and candies for your sweet tooth,

Clothing you with all those clothes you'd been eyeing,

Fitting your tiny feet with all the shoes you'd fancy.

i

You left your room still a mess,

I can't make my fingers pick-up after you,

Your toys are scattered everywhere,

You want them as you left them,

Probably thought you'd be back to play with them,

You left your bed still unmade,

Probably thought you'd be crawling back into them,

You left this room in freeze-frame.

Writer's Note: Composed Dec. 24, 2012