Chapter 1.

How things should not be done.

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James Crowly was a master student with a major in European Romantic Literature. He was graduation this year and he was preparing for what people call a wonderful life. He already had the job of his dreams, working as an editor at a publishing house and got himself a pretty and understandable girlfriend. But this perfect life of his was about to be disturbed by the gorgeous blonde dressed in his bath robe that was standing at the kitchen table, drinking a hot chocolate. She was truly beautiful. She could have easily won the national miss contest if, of course, she wouldn't have been… pregnant. He starred at her preeminent belly for a couple of seconds and then he asked:

"Are you feeling better after you had a bath, Lynn?"

The girl looked at him and put the cup of hot chocolate on the table.

"Yes, I do. Thank you for letting me use your bathroom…"

James looked intensively at the girl and then he approached her, sitting at the table in front of her:

"Now are you going to tell me what happened?"

" Do you want to hear the short version or the long version?" she asked with a bitter smile.

"I'm not hurrying anywhere" James answered.

Lynn gasped and after a couple of silent moments she began with:

"My story is about how things should not be done in life and how once you messed up everything, it would be useless going back on following the rules. My life is not something that I'm ashamed of, nor proud of it. It's just life and it must be taken as it is.

When I was in highschool, I used to be the best in my class. I spoke French fluently, I could explain anyone what Hamlet meant with his classical "to be or not to be", I could even manage the math homework by myself. Kids always would come and asked for my help. I helped them, but I never borrowed my notebooks. For that reason some of them thought I was a b*ch. The truth is that they were quite right. I was what anyone calls a typical American beauty: natural blond hair, brown eyes, very close to the 60-90-60 measures, but despite that I wasn't miss popularity. I wasn't even a cheerleader. It's not because they didn't want me in the team, it's me the one who rejected them. No matter how beautiful I was and no matter how many guys wanted to date me, I was still the girl who didn't care about anything. I wasn't trying to be a nice person, I wasn't trying to draw attention on me, I wasn't trying to be special. It was just me in my own world and those who liked me enough to stand my ignorant behavior were welcomed to be my friends.

My family was a normal one. One mother, one father, one daughter and one dog. All of them, including the dog were catholic. My parents loved each other and wanted the best for my future. They were a bit conservative but not enough to give me hard time, because on my turn, I wasn't a troublemaker.

All in all i could say I had a normal life. But that was until I met Adam. "Met" is just a way of saying. I knew him since I was 12, because we were in the same school. I never paid attention to him, but ever since I entered highschool he increasingly began to find ways of approaching me. I couldn't understand why. I wasn't even his type. Adam was the classical Californian rich kid. He lived in a huge manor with his parents and his sister that was coming from London twice a year. He had anything he could wish for. Mobile phone, tv in his room, laptop, bike, expensive clothes and for his 16th birthday his parents were certainly preparing for him a Mercedes or a BMW. He was the kind of guy to hang out with his boys that were letting him be the center of attention and also used to change his girlfriends one a month. So, obviously I didn't have anything in common with him. I tried to explain him that a couple of times, but he clearly didn't get the message. He continued to hand around me, to tease me, to compliment me, to actually beg me offer him "a few hours of my precious time". I guess in the end I gave in. It wasn't because of his insistence, but because after I finally offered him a couple of hours of my "precious time", I discovered that he wasn't the immature brat I thought he was. We began to hang a lot after school. He was buying me all the drinks and sweets I wanted and I was telling him the most interesting stories he ever heard, or at least he that's what he used to tell me back then. Slowly I started to like him… and before I knew I was in love with him.

Today, as I look back I think that Adam and I, being together could have actually worked if it wasn't for that party he took me after the high school ball. That night that changed both of our lives.

I was wearing this pale violet dress and he looked like he was cut out from a men fashion magazine. We had a couple of punch glasses, a couple of slow dances, we vote the queen and king of the prom and then Adam told me: "Let me take you to a real party."

And he did. We stopped at a house outside California were the music was louder than a rock concert, and were everyone was drinking alcohol, while having fun or sex. Even though Adam knew most of them I felt kind of unease, because I was 15, while most of the people there were between 18 and 25. I tried to tell Adam that we should leave because my parents were expecting me but he gave a glass of something and suddenly all my tightness and worries disappeared.

I got very drunk that night.

I guess getting drunk wouldn't have been a problem if I the alcohol wouldn't have made sleep with Adam… and to be honest sleeping with Adam wouldn't have been a problem either, If I wouldn't have became pregnant after that.

That's how, stupid me, a 15 years old highschooler with catholic parents and a catholic dog, got pregnant.

Adam laughed when I told him. He said that I was kidding. I response I slapped the back of his head and told him that no matter how much I like him, he was still one of the most idiotic persons I have ever met. I left him and made a doctor appointment. On that moment I wasn't yet sure if the appointment was for an abortion of just take some pictures of Adam's baby. When I put myself on the table I begun to considerate seriously the abortion option but then the doctor told me:

"Miss, you have a problem with your RH. It's a negative one. Most of women have it positive"

"And what does that suppose to mean in common english?"

"It means that if you are taking an abortion now your antibodies will respond to it and recognize the child as a threat."

"Ok, but I want to get rid of it. Where is the problem?"

"The problem is that your antibodies will recognize the next pregnancy as threat, as well, since you get rid of the first one. That's how the negative Rh works."

"Are you trying to tell me that if I make an abortion now, I will never be able to have children again because my antibodies will kill the baby?"

The doctor nodded.

So that was it. I was having this baby now or never have babies in my life. Tough decision, right? Yet I called Adam and told him that I'm keeping it. He didn't say a word; he just stood there silent until I hang up. After that I begun to worry on how will I tell my family.

How did it go with my catholic parents? Pretty rough is a euphemistic way of putting things. Actually my father gave me the most severe beating of my entire life. He only stopped when my mother put in front of me shouting: "You are killing her and the child, as well!"

I don't want to remember that night. I got a couple a couple of bruises and my face was red from all the palms I received. I heard my parents arguing until late. My father was crying and my mother was on the edge of insanity. At some point I heard my father saying the words I would never forget: "She was a smart girl. Brilliant! She could have anything she wanted! Now her life is ruined! What is she going to do with a child now?! I'll give her and her child to adoption! Both of them! I didn't raise a daughter so she could act like a stupid whore!"

When my parents finally went to bed, I tried to dry my own tears from my aching cheeks and I called Adam. The moment he answered the phone I heard some music and laughs on the background. Apparently, his sister was back from England and his family was celebrating. That happy atmosphere just made feel miserable. I instantly started to cry.

"Are you alright? Tell me what happened!" he shouted worried on the phone.

With what was I supposed to begin? With the kicks I received from my conservative catholic father? Or with the fact that I was actually feeling sick and my stomach was hurting me? When I finally managed to tell him everything, he remained silent and the only words he told me were: "I understand". After that he hang up and I remained alone, with another round of tears falling on my chicks.

On that moment I thought that my life was over and for the first time I wished to die. Then, one hour later, someone threw a rock on my window. I approached and saw Adam standing in the garden… holding a luggage!

He frowned worried when he saw the red marks on my face and he kept repeating: "I'm sorry! It's my fault! I'm sorry!" .It wasn't much, but those words were enough to make me feel better in that moment.

"Now, let's get out of here!" he added.

I looked at him confused.

"Don't look at me like that!... You are pregnant and it's obviously my child! You told your parents and they beat the crap out of you! It's not like I wish to be a father at 15, but I'm not going to wait until you'll have a miscarriage from their beating."

My eyes widened. For the first time Adam was really acting responsible.

"And where are we going?" I asked.

He looked at me with his most serious glare and then he asked me that one million dollars question:

"Do you really what to keep the child?"

And in return, i gave him that one million dollar answer:

"Yes."

He gasped and shrugged his shoulders:

"Fine, then let's go!"

"Where?"

"Well don't expect me to take you to my family. My mother will immediately sent you to have an abortion" he answered as he took my hand and the luggage. " So there's no other option for us except, running away from home."

I never knew what fears or thoughts, Adam hid in his heart, that night… what he felt in the moment he threw away all his life, but the confidence with which he took my hand made me fall in love for the second time.

We did run away from home. He had money so for a while we didn't have problems. We settled in a small town called "Southwhere" and begun a new life. Adam continued with highschool and I decided to take a break until the baby will be born. Adam made new friends and begun to hang a lot, but during evening he was always cuddling around me, whispering in my years: "I love you". After that he was slowly putting his hands under clothes and pulled me closer. I couldn't deny it, I liked it. Those moments made feel like home.

Like this, moths passed and I was getting fatter. Adam was hanging more and more with his friends, while the money he stole from his parents were growing less. I tried to explain him that things could not go on like this anymore and that one of us needed get a job because if we don't support ourselves no one will. That thought must have truly scared him because he didn't came back home that night. The next morning he made his appearance with his clothes ripped off and a hangover air. I was prepared to ignore him, but then, as he sat on the couch he told me:

"I can't do this anymore… I miss my family. I haven't called them in more than half an year. They must think I'm dead." He raised his eyes and faced me: "Don't misunderstand me, I love you… otherwise I wouldn't be doing all this shit."

"Adam, this shit is your life…" I answered him while I was cooking lunch, trying to hide my anger.

"It might, but I really miss my home!"

"This is your fucking home, now, Adam" I suddenly yelled at him, slamming on the table the spoon I was holding.

"No, Lynn! This is not my home, this is just fucking craziness!" he yelled back at me. "I'm trying so hard to be an adult but i keep failing! And it's normal after all, I'm just 16! Tell me, what should I do when the baby is born? Find a job? I still have 2 years until I finish highschool! Who could possible hire me and who will do my homework? Not to mention that I won't have any time left to hang with my friends. I will have no social life after the baby will be born!"

I couldn't express how much those words hurt me. I knew better than him what giving up school meant. He must have forgotten, but I used to be the best in my class. Before getting pregnant, I had big plans: I wanted to go to Princeton. But my plans, my dreams had no value anymore. Now my child will be the one to get into Princeton. Our lives weren't ours anymore and Adam didn't understand that. Adam was just a child. I knew he loved me, but he was still a child…. And I couldn't possible raise two children on my own. I loved Adam, but I loved my baby more. So that afternoon, while he was at highschool, I took one thousand dollars from his money; I packed all my stuff and left him."

Here Lynn stopped and drank the rest of her chocolate. James watched her tired gestures and thought that he could write a good book on her story.

"And why did you come in New York?" he finally asked the girl.

She smiled, her cheeks turning slightly red.

"Back in California, two years ago … you used to be a teacher on my class, remember? You left me your contact and told me to look for you when I'll be in New York. And as you can see, I'm in New York now."

James frowned worried.

"Lynn I told you to look for me, but I thought you'll be doing it when you'll be in college, looking for a job in the publishing domain… Did you remember what I told you, back then, don't you? That I wanted to help you because you really had talent with literature…"

Lynn smiled:

"Well you could help me getting a job now!"

"Lynn, you're 16 and you're expecting a baby!"

"That's exactly why I need a job!" she snapped.

He nodded negatively.

"Lynn, coming to New York was not a good idea… I think you should talk with the father of the child and then both of you should go back to California, to your parents!"

Her eyes widened scared.

"Lynn, this is not something to play with! You're still a child and you can't handle this by yourself That's it! I'm calling your parents to come and pick you up! Tell me their phone number!"

She instantly got up for the chair.

"NO! I won't! They'll give my child for adoption!"

"And it would be right for them to do so! You can't raise a child at this age and even if you could you'd throw away all your chances of having a good life! You're an intelligent girl, Lynn! I know it because I was your teacher! Don't ruin your chances of going to college!"

But Lynn, took her clothes and went to the bathroom. He also got up from his chair and followed her, stopping in front of the closed door.

"Come on, Lynn, let me call your parents!"

A few moments of silence passed and then Lynn suddenly opened the door, exiting the bathroom.

"I'm sorry I came here, Mr. Crowly… " she said coldly. "I will take my leave now, of course not before apologizing for the intrusion"

She headed to the hall where she put her sneakers on.

"Lynn!" he called her.

But she already exited the apartment. James tried to follow her but she was almost running down the stairs so he decided that he should better leave her alone for the moment.

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Lynn found herself alone in the street, in the middle of December, in the biggest city of the world. She was 7 months pregnant and she had 689 dollars in her pocket. Otherwise she had nothing. No family, no home, no friends, no one to rely on. Suddenly she felt so tired. She took a few steps ways from James Crowly's apartment but then she stopped in front of the next building. She sad on the on the entrance stairs and as he remembered Adam's hands crawling underneath her cloths while whispering " I love you", she started to cry. 'I already miss you like crazy, Adam!'

"Hey, by chance could it happened that you have an extra cigarette?" a voice pooped.

She raised her chin and her eyes instantly widened scared as she saw in front of her a guy with violet spiked hair and a black leather jacket full of safety pins. On his turn the guy also widened his eyes as he noticed she was pregnant… and that she was crying.

"Shit!" he hissed. "You really look like you're in trouble… aren't you like 15 or something?"

Lynn's eyes got even wider as the words of that punker described best her situation. Without addressing him a word, she just put her head on her knees. The punker looked at her for a couple of seconds, then took a step back, decided to move on. He walked a few steps but then he stopped looking back at her. He shook his head as if he would have a strong debate in his inner self and then he turned his gaze again in her direction. After another hesitation, he finally turned around and approached Lynn.

"You don't seem like belonging here…First time in New York?"

She didn't react.

"Hey, you!…" he insisted, pushing her with his index finger. "Don't you need some help or something?"

Lynn raised her chin and looked speechless at the punk boy.

"Yep, that's exactly what I thought! Come on, I take you to a nice and cheap place where you can eat!"

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I'm not a native speaker, so mistakes might appear.

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