Halfway to Nowhere

Part I: Confessions of Recovering Super-humans

HWN-HWN-HWN

1. In Which Elliot, Max, and Rudy Witness a Terrifying Transformation

IT was that time once again, and so far no one was budging.

Elliot slouched in the corner and glared from behind a curtain of dark shaggy hair and a baseball cap pulled low over his forehead. He was used to being called surly, but one day Rudy came up to him and said, "You know what your problem is? You actually look like a vampire." He wasn't sure what that meant until their human supervisor sat him down and made him watch Twilight. After that, Elliot attempted to be more likable.

Today was the exception, though. He would ramp up the attitude exponentially as long as it meant that it wasn't his turn to deal with Rhen.

Max was having a similar thought, but decided to use a different tactic. While Elliot stubbornly maintained that it wasn't his turn, the werewolf decided to take an approach based in logic. "You're the supervisor," the blonde said to Rudy.

The human scowled. "This wasn't in my job description."

"Then you should have made this an all male house," Elliot said in his most menacing voice.

Rudy's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped. "I didn't have any control over roommate assignments!" he exclaimed, and his voice broke at the end.

Max shook his head. "This is ridiculous. Look, she's the same person she always is." A thump from upstairs and the sound of shattering glass followed by sobbing caused the trio of men to pause and stare up at the ceiling with trepidation.

"Yeah," said the vampire and slid further into the armchair, "you keep telling yourself that." A creak from the upstairs hallway silenced the group. Elliot eyed Rudy, who was sweating profusely, and wondered if the human might faint.

"Max?" came a pitiful female voice.

Elliot pulled his cap down further over his eyes. "She's calling for you, Fido," he whispered, his eyes darting nervously to the staircase.

"Max? Can you do me a favor?" She really did sound pathetic, and judging from the slight softening in the werewolf's visage, he appeared to be giving in.

Rudy tensed and tugged at his collar. "Stay strong, man."

"Max, Elliot, Rudy? I know you guys are down there! I need more tampons!"

All three men jumped to their feet and scrambled for the backdoor. "Go, go, go!" Elliot hissed. Rudy reached for the ceramic bowl on the hall table only to find it empty. Frantically, he patted his pockets and turned them out.

"I can't find my car keys!" he squeaked.

"Forget the car!" Elliot hurriedly tried to shove his feet into his boots and almost fell over. "We'll run for it!" The trio fought each other to get through the sliding glass door with a new sense of urgency when they heard their female roommate coming down the stairs. Max finally broke outside and fell face first into the snow, Rudy tripping over his heels right behind him. Elliot grabbed them both by the backs of their necks and brought them to their feet. "Hurry up!" The group took off at an awkward trot through the snow banks. Panting, Elliot called out to the other two following him, "And no one even thinks about coming back without some form of chocolate!"