Dear Ab.

Hey there. It's been a while since I last tried to write a diary, it's always so boring that I don't think I can do it. 'laughs' But I'm going to try anyway.

January 10, 2013.

Today you walked into the classroom, you asked our math teacher a question and the moment you saw me, you glared.

You always glare at me now-a-days. I don't know why, or even how you came to hate me. But I think I deserve it. I think that maybe it's what I get for always pretending I'm okay with everything. Maybe... maybe if I had spoken out you wouldn't be this way. You're stuck up now, I don't think the old you would have wanted that.

That's why I've decided to write to you, my long-lost best friend. You died away at the age of 8. Becoming this new person, someone who laughed when I fell down and stepped on my fingers when I held onto the edge of the proverbial cliff.

I remember in 3rd grade when you first began to drift away. You'd play with her at recess while I was left to sit in the grass alone. Of course you'd later apologize. 'Sorry Niki' You'd say. 'I hope you didn't wait out for me'. Then you would laugh and we would talk for the rest of the day. But she never left you did she? She was always in your mind, the diva Caitlin.

She'd always hated me, from the moment I stepped into our classroom in preschool. I complimented her jacket that year, but she laughed. 'Of course you would.' She sneered. I knew from that moment that I did not like Caitlin Smith.

The last day of third grade we went on a field trip, we were going to watch a circus. You had planned to sit between me and Ally at the circus and we were going to sit together on the bus... but that's not how it went at all.

but... I think before I tell you that... I think I shall go a little backward. To before I went to school, that's where it all starts.

She is the center of this little story, she's the reason this happened. So allow me to begin again, I shall supply to you all the things I can remember truthfully, no more and no less.

"Niki, what are you doing in the house?" My mother, Courtney, scolded. "I thought I told you to go outside!"

I stared at her, feeling confused. Why was mommy being so harsh?

"Sweetheart, could you lay down the law to that little brat." A man sneered from behind her, he looked like a cold person.

What was he doing in our house?

"Give me one sec, kay Greg." (1) My mother looked back at me with a huff as her friend went back upstairs. "Niki, I need you to do something for me." She crouched down, "I want you to keep this a secret from your father."

Of course as the girl who is always seeking for others to like her, I replied back. "Oh sure mom!"

It was two weeks after that I came home from school to find... a small note on the stove.

"Dear Terrance,

I'm leaving. Roger and I are in love! We'll be so happy together...

Anyway, don't expect me to come back because I won't. Keep those damn kids, they're all a bunch of brats anyway!" (2)

The letter ended there. I knew it was from my mother immediately, how could I not? She always called us brats, or... bad words. I knew my father was home, if I recall correctly it was because I could see his car in the driveway.

I found him in his office, 'He must have already read the note' I thought, 'Daddy's never this quiet.'

"Where's mommy going?" I asked.

When he looked at me, he seemed almost relieved, but he'd now been put in an awkward position. I find myself wondering today, how does a father tell his 5-year-old daughter that her mother has left her?

"She's with a friend, Roger Wesley." He added. I was confused by this but I didn't question it.

A few days later I just happened to ask my best friend, Savannah Wesley, how my mom was doing.

She gave me a clueless look, as if to say 'What are you going on about crazy woman?' I explained that my mother had gone off with her dad, Roger Wesley and we spent the rest of the day talking about random things with my other best friend, Abbie K.

The next day Savannah wouldn't talk to me till recess. She was sitting behind the school looking vulnerable, I asked her about it and she told me, "I asked mom why your mom was staying with dad and she got really angry. When he came home they just started fighting."

That was the day that Savannah Wesley decided that we weren't friends anymore, it was my fault because if I hadn't asked her she wouldn't have asked her mom.

The 'good' news? My mother came back that night. She didn't say anything, she just walked into my parents bedroom and slammed the door.

The next morning (a Saturday if I recall) I woke up to find she'd just finished packing. "You and I are moving." she said simply when I asked.

Well I suppose that's enough of this for now. I'll add more to my little auto soon. Please no flames, this is my life we're talking about after all... I'd rather not get anything too harsh...

(1) I don't remember this guy's real name. :( Sorry. Btw all the names are changed anyway. ^_^

(2) If you think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. I was reading the note while I typed that bit... though I did improve her grammar and spelling...

Love Always,

~Niki