|My Lover, My Fix, A Dreamers Requiem
Author: Maximiliano1529 PM
Circumstances in life push us to limits that, when realized, the pit becomes deeper and deeper... yet, are you willing to reach the same levels, if not go further, in order to come out to surface?Rated: Fiction M - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Words: 5,049 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 01-12-13 - id: 3091614
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I have worked on this piece for well over 3 years now. It was, and perhaps still is intended to be a quite Dark, Complex and Twisted story. My Fiancee was actually the one who encouraged me to go ahead and upload it here... Know that It will have Sexual content, Drugs, Violence, and well both Heterosexual / Homosexual Pairings. Prologue was inspired by the song "My Sweet Prince" by Placebo. You all have been Warned.
I will greatly appreciate your input (Constructive Criticism I believe is what makes us better writers) also I would like to apologize if there are any grammatical errors. If you all feel the contents of this particular piece are too strong and should be taken down, let me know and I will consider it. Also the characters and the situations described on this piece are fictional.
Thank you very much for your valuable time.
*One thing I ask of you all is respect. I take my work very seriously, and I do not appreciate when others copy-paste my work, or utilize my writing claiming is theirs. (Characters, Plots, etc.) Thank you very much for your understanding. -LV (2013)*
"I could sound as a desperate and inexperienced lowlife writer… as an uninspired poet… or an untalented individual with an insane, weird and fucked up mind… however all that I can reassure you today my dear friend, is that, in the mist of desperation, pain, and sorrow… in the mist of loneliness and solitude is when we truly realize how much and how important those unimportant things [Individuals] truly are…"
- Personal Thought, Nov 01, 2010.
The alley was as dark as always. Never having more than two semi-functional, flickering lights out of the ten that covered the half a mile long and filthy walkway. I could hear the dirty water make its way down the steel drainage, with the dripping that could drive any sane person insane… I could also hear the soft desperate dance created by the rodent's tiny paws, with their low squealing and sniffing around. Every time my delicate and pricy shoes made contact with the muddied floor my mind felt as if my brain was suddenly, yet deliberately, been drowned in its filthiness as quicksand swallows its prey.
The green metal garbage dumpster to the far end of the alley was already completely overflowing with the disposed trash and leftovers from the restaurant adjacent to it. As usual, half of his body hung out while the other was deep in the garbage container, scavenging for his late night dinner. Every time I saw him in such state my imagination wondered, picturing the garbage container literally chewing him alive and him screaming for dear life. Shaking my head side to side with a soft smile playing on my features I took a deep breath and walked what seemed like an eternity to finally reach a halt close to him. I was now probably standing no more than twenty feet from where he dangled. Clearing my throat lightly, making myself be noticeable to him, I then exhaled loud enough for him to flinch, causing his head to hit the door of the dumpster rather hard
He jumped out of the container, the black plastic door falling making a loud thump that echoed around the desolated alley. With some pieces of spaghetti and vegetables still hanging from his once lovely golden locks, he gave me one of his trademark smirks, showing his now yellowish teeth. Although he was completely covered by filth and dirt, there was no mistaken his masculine beauty was hidden underneath it all. His smile grew bigger as he recognized me from the many years of friendship we once held. Dumping the piece of bread and cleaning his hands on his already torn and dirty shirt, he spoke.
"Milady, what a lovely pleasure…"
"The pleasure is all mines. Now, umm, I believe you missed a spot…"
"I beg your pardon?"
"There's some spaghetti still hanging from your hair."
"Oh my, my apologies Madame, allow me…"
Using the noble antics he knew would bring a smile to my face as they did long ago, he ran his hands through his hair, taking the pieces in between his fingers and shaking them off to the damped floor. He gave me a soft and shy smile and walked closer to me in hopes that this time I would not run away. Yet, my body reacted on its own accord, taking the same amount of steps back… keeping the distance we held not seconds ago. He inhaled deeply and simply stood there, looking down at his feet, trying to get some courage to continue the conversation.
"Uh, what seems to be the reason of your visit this time?"
"Huh… the… the usual…"
I was taken aback. At first his voice was somewhat harsh and held the slightest of power to them… yet as I replied a bit dumbfounded his attitude changed. He knew well that I only came here for the same reason every time I did. It was not like I just wanted to visit him and catch up with what was happening to his daily life.
"Figured that much…"
"Why'd you asked then?"
"Hoping? for what?"
"Nothing really…Don't mind me. So you are looking for Mark correct?"
"Yes. Is he in town?"
"Well last time I spoke to him he was heading to Florida. The others said he would be back probably within a week's time…"
"Were you looking for som…?"
"Umm is fine. I guess I will come back next week then... Good to see you."
I turned around, feeling both defeated and relieved of the fact that Mark was not around. That actually for some strike of luck, or miracle from the heavens above, I was being taken away from this place. Now, after all of the internal battling and all the overanalyzing I was more than certain I could walk away now and never come back... but I guess destiny had other plans in store for me. As I began to walk away I heard him walk behind me, his steps a little hurried splashing the muddied water everywhere. The sound coming from his hurried walking even scared the rodents who were scavenging on the piece of bread he had dropped in the floor minutes ago. Just as I was starting to add some speed to my walk, I felt his hand grip my shoulder lightly stopping me dead on my tracks.
"Please don't… not here…"
"I… my… look I have some if that's what you need. I can always give it to you…"
No, no, no, don't do this to me, please don't offe…Before I could continue my internal rant, he turned me around in a swiftly, yet softly manner. We were now mere inches away from each other, our personal space completely invaded. If it was not for the fact that I knew who he was and who he had been long ago, I would had punched him and ran away. But his eyes, those loving and deep eyes bore into me like they did once before. My breathing accelerated as the seconds passed… as his hand continued to snake around my tiny and well defined waist, his dirty chest brushing lightly against my button up shirt.
Although he was now a resident of the streets and he was filled with filth and dirt, his musky scent was ever present. Scent that till this day haunted me from time to time… always reminding me of the times were we shared more than a friendship. My heart beats continued to increase as his face got a bit closer to mines, his nose brushing lightly against my own. My eyes fluttered at the small touch, and his grip tightened just a bit more when he noticed the reaction my body had to his touch. Quickly, he brushed his other hand on the side of his torn jeans, making sure it was not too filthy to lightly brush his thumb on my now scarlet cheeks. It was inevitable; the tears that were now freely flowing down my cheeks were impossible to hold back. He took a deep breath and softly shushing me he spoke.
"Shhh' is ok… I'm so sorry I should have not offe… Look just go, and don't come back… for the love that you once held for me… for us, just go…"
"Just let…let me have it…"
"Please reconsider… you don't… you don't need this. You deserve so much more than…"
"I need it…I just need it! You don't have any idea how much I nee…"
"No you don't, go home and never come back!"
"This is my life, my choice! How dare you come and pretend like you care now?! You offered did you not? Simply let me go and give me what I want…RIGHT NOW!"
"BUT NOTHING! LET ME GO, GET AWAY FROM ME…JUST…GIVE IT TO ME, RIGHT NOW!"
He stepped back and with all the shame and pain he could cluster in his face, he released one defeated breath and dug inside his pocket. The lights above us continued their flickering, just as if we were inside a nightclub with the strobe lights creating an illusion. Making every move look more like if it was done in slow motion. It was incredible what the thought of getting what I was so desperately seeking was doing to my body. There was a jolt of shivers running down my spine as his hand began to pull out of his pocket. My heart was now literally thumping so hard that I am sure he could hear its erratic tempo. My breathing was now becoming ragged as his fist completely made it out of his pocket.
I felt just like any man would when they see a young piece of ass or a piece of a medium-rare Filet Mignon. My mouth watered, almost salivating as his fist slowly opened and I saw it glistening in the palm of his hand… greeting me… taunting me. Funnily enough, the flickering light created this unexplained halo come from around his hand, and I was reminded of how heavenly I would feel in a matter of minutes. Everything was soon going to be ok...
His other hand found mines and it was then when I realized we had started to walk towards the garbage dumpster. His fist had already closed and he was now looking back and forward, taking deliberate steps. I was thankful he was leading the way while he was holding my hand, or else I would have probably collapsed due to the amount of excitement and guilt my body was currently experiencing. After every couple of steps he took, he turned his head slightly in almost every direction as to make sure it was only him, the rodents, and I who occupied the filthy alley.
A couple of minutes passed by till we finally made it to where he wanted us to be. Letting go of my hand giving me a soft smile, he then cleaned the piece of cardboard as much as he could; said cardboard laid on the floor at the far end corner of the alley. The garbage dumpster was in a perfect angle, shielding us from any curious eyes that happened to wonder around. He pulled on to me a bit, gesturing for me to sit down. Although my brain started to battle and argues with what was to come, my body took all control and followed his lead. I took off my black pumps and stepped on the cardboard, all the while turning around slowly allowing my back to flush with the brick wall. Slipping down the damp and smelly wall my subconscious deliberately flickered and all I thought about at the very moment was: Note to self - Shirt is completely ruined.
Once I was on a sitting position, he took out from his back pocket a small shining object, which I recognized all too well. He had assumed a sitting position next to me as I looked down at his hands almost salivating yet again. I could now see there was also a lighter which he had already taken out of his other pocket and was now resting on the side of his thighs. Fluttering my eyes ever so lightly, each second that passed by my mouth watered… my senses heightened… every second he was closer to finish up the process was a taunting game; game which soon will end our pain… my pain.
After a couple of minutes of anticipation I heard his belt buckle rattle a bit, causing my eyes to open completely, then realizing that the time had come. That I was only seconds away from reaching the other side, but there was still time to say no… to get up and run as far away from here. I knew well he was taking his sweet time, just to give me a silent sign that he was not happy with what was to come. He was giving me time to reconsider my actions, to regain my sanity and walk away. But my resolve was long gone; I knew well that if I had made it all the way here, I was not going to walk away without having touched my loving enemy once again.
He finally saw the resolve in my eyes, resolve for my staying. As he looked intently my way, his belt buckle embraced my arm just above my elbow. His eyes watered and taking deep breaths he tightened the belt with enough pressure to slow down the blood from flowing down. Letting go of the belt he looked intently at me again and there was no need for words at this moment, our eyes said all that needed to be said.
A slight nod of my head was enough to give him my approval and to start the roller-coaster drive yet again. He raised the small object just to make sure there was not air bubbles in it, flickering it lightly, a bit was released. Some tiny drops splashed me right above my lips. My tongue automatically snaked out and my taste buds went on overdrive as the bitter sweet taste filled my mouth. My blood began to rush faster and faster, my breathing accelerated more than it was possible, and now my heart was close to hammering itself out of my chest. My eyes were closed savoring the memory of what was coming.
I was brought out of my reverie, my trail of thought been interrupted by a soft sniff coming from him. Curiosity took the best of me causing me to open up my eyes and see the broken man in front of me. The thick tears ran down his face, as the slim and thin object was now closer to my arm. He pressed his lips tight on a straight line, trying to stop the words from coming out of his now quivering lips. Taking in his desperate and sorrowful expression my other hand raised and met with his now wet cheeks. Brushing the salty drops with my small thumb I cupped his cheek and placed enough pressure to cause him to look my way. His watery and now red eyes met mines, and a louder sniff was created by his now stuffed up nose.
"Shhh… handsome, It'll be ok… we'll be ok. Now just get on with it, will you?"
Holding his face just a tad harder and looking deeply into his eyes I simply nodded to him to continue. All he could do to my demanding gesture was to breathe deeply as he held his eyes with mine. Declaring all the love he once held, the one he still felt, and the one that he would always feel, he exhaled and his tears betrayed him yet again. Just then time literally stopped... once the thin metal pierced my skin and found what it was looking for all sense of time stopped. Both of us took a deep and slow breath to be released in a much slower manner as the clear substance began to flow into my blood stream.
The whimper coming from him was loud, and all his pride and manhood was down the hill as his crying got louder. He cried like a small child would when his favorite toy car got lost or broken. The more he cried the better I felt… the higher I felt… at one point, and although it is wrong to admit, his whimpering and crying became like a soothing melody. My brain was now at a whole different level. Eyes automatically winded, and I could now feel how my pupils dilated as the syringe was pulled out of my arm.
His face was broken as he was now holding his body weight on his knees, clutching his chest with one of his muscular arms as the other provided him with some sort of balance. His fingers dung in deeper on the cardboard, creating small dents as his other arm dug on the side of his ribs. The loud crying had subsided, only leaving behind low, small whimpers, followed by tears that had now created a clear path down his dirty face.
"Shhh darling, come here… I'm… I'm ok… never felt better…"
"No… I… I have done it again! I have brought you back to this path…"
But before he could continue I propelled myself towards him with all the force I had left in my small frame. Hugging him tightly, we both felled back to the wall yet again. He sobbed and cried his heart out as I rocked us both, shushing him from time to time and brushing my small hand on his damped face. A couple of minutes after his breakdown he took a deep breath, sniffing his mucus deeply to then spitting them out about 5 feet away from where we sat.
"That's so gross! Yet, I have missed it."
"Have you really?"
He looked my way, a soft smirk forming on my features as his reddened eyes took in my face and a smile of his own now played on his angular and masculine features. Shaking my head side to side feeling the rush increase with every movement my muscles made, I released his hand to undo the belt from my arm. Clearing my throat lightly as I handled the belt back to him, I asked.
"Are you not helping me chase this huge Dragon?"
"Yeah… give me a sec will you?"
With that said I relaxed my back and leaned to the side, the wall to my left holding my weight as I saw him tightening the belt around his muscular arm. Placing the syringe on his mouth with his other hand he then slapped the skin below his elbow, causing his veins to pop up with the pressure created by both the belt and his palm. He took the syringe from his mouth slowly placing it on the reddened flesh. Piercing in deeply I could see how his body stiffed and for the slightest moment he was hesitant. Just before he could press the substance in I cleared my throat causing him to snap out of his trance and look my way.
"Can I do it, just… just like I used to before?"
His eyes watered yet again, there was so much pain in them that automatically he averted his look and began to shake his head side to side.
"No, no, no… I ca… I can do it myse-"
"Please… let, let me do it. Is all I ask…"
His resolve crumbled the minute my voice rolled off my mouth as a mere whisper. His hand released the syringe, allowing it to simply hang from his arm. Placing my right palm under his triceps, I began to massage his skin just below the belt. My left hand got a hold of the syringe and slowly began to press the substance into his blood stream as he gasps.
Was all his dried lips released; the sound was so soft, that it could only be compared to a moan. My small and delicate fingers massaged his arm just like old times, causing the clear liquid to spread faster, and I am sure I was also soothing some of the burning sensation with my small ministrations.
Right after I was done, I pulled the syringe slowly, placing it on the side all the while allowing him to slowly lean onto me. We both held each other. Taking in his filthy, dirty yet masculine musky scent, he buried his face in the crook of my neck. Sniffing me deeply I knew well he could sense my clean Lavender and Vanilla soft scent. His actions made my now overly stimulated mind to picture him as a dog, sniffing on me like I was a treat. What brought me out of my mental picturing was the feeling of his lips as they brushed my skin lightly. I felt the jolts run down my spine yet again, bringing back memories from the nights we spend together at home… in our bed… embracing one another just like newlywed lovers do.
His dry lips began to place small and delicate kisses, running up the base of my neck in a slow manner, reaching the soft and sensitive skin right under my earlobe. Once he reached the spot he knew well would make me melt, he gave me one of his trademark open mouthed kisses, sucking on my skin lightly, and allowing his teeth to scrape my skin. The soft moan created in the pit of my throat was released, and he knew then, at that very moment, all it took was another suck to make me his.
But instead of taking advantage of the moment, he simply placed his thumb and index finger on my chin, pushing my face lightly down so that we could lock eyes. Our faces were mere millimeters away, noses were brushing yet again, and at that moment all I saw was the man I once knew… that successful and important man… the one who once held the key to my heart… my love… my soul.
"Don't forget how much I loved you, how much I still do, and how much I will love you… don't you ever forget that…"
My voice was laced with the desire, the love, and the substance… the Dragon had finally made his entrance. The mixture of them all was now playing tricks in my mind, as the memories began to fill my vision. Memories of our life together, of everything we had, and everything we had build up… of everything that was now lost, and of the things we will never gain back.
Just then it happened. Our lips clashed with the desire and the love we once shared, and now, all due to the Dragon, we were sharing. His hand moved to the back of my neck, fingers tangling their way into the nape of my neck, as his other arm encircled my waist holding me ever so tightly to him. My hands brushed his scalp all too forcefully, pulling onto his golden locks, completely ignoring the remainder pieces of food in it and pressing his face deeper into mines.
My aroused and now erected breast brushed against his voluptuous and muscular chest, causing both of us to release a deep yet soft moan. I had no idea when he had managed to sit, with his back flushed against the wall but I was sure that now my small legs had tangled themselves on his waist. Our bodies were now rocking at the rhythm created by the erratic thumping of our hearts. We could hear the blood rushing faster in our veins… the arousing sound created by our mouths as the sucking and biting had intensified in passion, one seeking some sort of dominance over the other.
My intimacy was now over flowing with juices, and soon I needed some sort of pressure, of friction to extinguish the need and the arousal that was now eminent in both of us. His hard member was now poking me, looking for some sort of release himself. The dirty and stiff material of his jeans was no longer able to hide the masculine budge which kept hardening and growing as our rocking continued.
My throaty and lustful moan was released, causing him to flinch at the sound of it. My head now hung back, as my back automatically arched and my legs had tightened more around his waist. I felt one of his hands press me against him even more, while he freely open mouth kissed and sucked down my neck. His mouth was getting dangerously low, almost reaching the valley of my breast, causing my rocking to increase even more in both pressure and tempo, as one of my small hands gripped tighter on the nape of his neck. My other hand dug in his back, scratching the now prominent muscles.
I heard myself say, and automatically knew the voice was foreign to my ears. There was no mistaken that the old me was back… and that in less than a couple of seconds it would not just be the "Old Voice"… I… My Alter… had returned.
Without hesitation he released my back, and lowered his hand in between our stomachs, reaching his jeans and unbuttoning them. I could hear the slow sound created by his zipper as it went down and his member was now been exposed. He then did the same to my pants, making sure to lift my buttocks high enough to have the space necessary.
"Are you s…"
"Just take me…"
As the words were rolling out of my mouth, I felt his hard and thick masculinity fill me in. The rush multiplied by a thousand, if not more. Now there was no way back… we had officially reached the point of no return.
The thrust increased in both pressure and tempo. His hands had now snaked under my arms and clung onto me from my shoulders. Pushing me in deeper as his thrust became painful and fast. My throaty moans were muffled by his chaste kissing and soon we were reaching the highest of our high… the end was getting near, and I was certain neither him or I wanted this to end, because then we would had realized what we had done… our realities would come back to surface… to haunt us down for our wrong doings.
A couple of minutes of more thrusting, of more painful and masochistic ministrations were all it took to bring us both over the edge. Our climax was shared, however at that mere moment, it was not us who shared the lovely moment… it was them… Our Alters… the ones that once had united us and that had separated us.
Both our bodies trembled with the feeling of release. Our muscles felt like jelly and our skin was so sensitive, that the mere trail made by the drops of perspiration felt like living fire running down our backs. We held each other, never moving from the same position, in fear that once we would make another move, the shame, pain, and sorrow would attack us at once.
Minutes… seconds… hours, not sure which one was right, of sitting on the same position we heard the thundering; followed by a sudden and unexpected cold rain. I knew the Dragon had dissipated, not completely, but its effect… its claws, had released us somewhat. With his masculinity still filling me in, and my back and legs now feeling at the edge of cramping I heard him open his mouth. Just then the low words rolled out, bringing with them the so expected and painful reality…
"I've done it again… I've … I've destroyed you…"
Right then the thundering became louder, lightening the dark skies above… the only witness to our latest encounter…
Was all I could answer him, feeling the tears fill my eyes. He was already weeping and crying by the time my own tears started to weld down my now tired and dilated eyes. We held each other as we cried our sorrows, allowing the rain to wash off our filth and sins, never expecting what came next.
The sound of rushed and desperate steps reached our ears. They were as desperate as the small droplets of water falling from above. Our hearts began to sink, causing our embrace to tighten knowing the inevitable had found us…
"It is time…"
"God I… I'm sorry… I… I love you…"
"As do I Milady… as do I."
The steps continued to get closer, splashing the filthy water just like the pouring rain did. You could hear the urgency coming from said approaching steps. My savior… my escape from the claws of the Dragon was now getting closer and closer. This meant only one thing; it meant the return to the real world…
"OH GOD NO!"
Her all too pained and desperate voice was laced with pain and hatred as she took in the scene in front of her…
"MY!… Why?… what…"
Her voice had gone from a high pitch to a mere whisper in less than a millisecond. The steps had stopped all too quickly, perhaps as quickly as they were approaching us mere seconds ago. I could hear her heart speed up as I slightly looked her way. The moment we both locked eyes her eyes widened. Her face played nothing more than the expression of pain and surprise… she clutched her chest with one arm and placed the other on the dirty brick wall. Missing the wall just by millimeters she fell to her knees, her breathing becoming ragged and pained with what she was now witnessing…
"What have you done?"
There were not words to answer her pained question… the damaged had been done…