|The Root of the Problem
Author: perilousHare PM
A satirical essay on cheese filled breadsticks and the world...Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Words: 477 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 01-13-13 - Status: Complete - id: 3091843
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What I decided to do one Saturday afternoon was to bake. There were just a few problems. No one had baked in this house for about what I'd say 3-4 years. How did I know that? The yeast was expired, the flour was bug infested...
Throwing them both into the trash was fun.
Also, there was that small factor regarding my inexperience with baking. So I spent another 10 minutes on the Internet searching up recipes for my sudden craving. Cheese filled breadsticks.
Why cheese filled breadsticks? It isn't as if I'm a culinary genius; it seemed like a reasonable idea to to start simple. They're cheese filled, too. Cheese was the major ingredient. So why not?
I had retrieved my recipe, but gradually came to the realization that no matter what, bread requires dough. And this house had nothing of the sort.
Needless to say this wasn't the best of my Saturdays.
How many times have you set out on doing something, creating an exciting new achievement, then found that the entirety of the universe had simultaneously set out on preventing you from doing so?
I mean, okay, so the situation wasn't that serious, I could have just gotten into my car and bought some frozen pizza dough from Wegmans. The fact still remains that the world was once again a major road hazard that had settled itself into my path to cheesy breadstick goodness.
Surely I am not the only person who feels as if the world has gotten in my way one time too many. I know that there are others out there, poor perishing souls, who are frustrated and maybe even famished due to this world of ours and it's conspiratorial ways.
I say that when I want to make my cheese filled breadsticks I will be provided the means to do so. I will not have trivial matters such as logic, reason, and physics going against my necessity. I will not have anything saying I can't. You can't make cheese filled breadsticks because you don't have dough. You can't fly because there's gravity. You can't force yourself to watch the Johnny Depp movie marathon because it goes past 3 am and your body will shut down to sleep.
No, world. I say we make our cheese filled breadsticks. I say we fly where we want to. I say we watch Johnny Depp curse drunkenly for hours into the night and not feel tired.
We can change the way we live for the better. After a long, grueling battle with many necessary sacrifices we will surely succeed against this tyrannical, dictating world. We will draw up a peace treaty, then proceed to enslave the world as it has enslaved us.
And when all that has been done, I shall rule over all.
My first decree has been decided, cheese filled breadsticks for everyone.