A story for anyone who wants to listen. But, I'm tired of this... insanity I constantly face every fucking day. Well not every day but way too fucking often then I ever wanted...

All I ever wanted was Philo.

I've seen it every day. I've sat watching, on these cold stone steps for years. Waiting for the feel of Philo. To know it in my soul.

I've prayed to Philo. I gave him all my tears. My time. My blood. The most precious parts of my mind. I gave these things willing, gladly as offerings in Philo's name.

I have no more tears to give. Nothing else to give. Now only my voice can express my pain. I wake up, screaming in the darkness of night. I cry in despair, in hope. I scream "Do I have Philo?"

"Yes" is the response

And so my body collapsed. Released from the stress, my heart is overjoyed. Philo, for my struggles gave me a rose to remember him by.

But like all flowers, so too does the rose fade.

There aren't enough pages, to press my delicate trophy. I keep asking again and again. Philo's every "Yes" is a ray of hope. But the sound of the yes fades year after year.

I long to tell Philo my every woe. But if I do this Philo will know my weakness. Philo would feel crowded by me. Because Philo never need me, but I will always need Philo.

I've forgotten, thinking only of Philo, that Eros is stronger.

Eros clothed as Philo once, so I would run to him.

Arms wide I ran "Do I have you Philo?" and he picked me up. He brought me so close. I felt that sweet touch as the fingers brushed my tender wounded skin. My absolute surprise when I thought it was Philo's breath came so achingly close to my lips. Then I saw that crooked smile spread across that dashing face. The pit of my stomach fell into an abyss.

As Eros grabbed me by the throat, I knew I've seen this many times...

Eros stole the only man I loved. Years later he was broken in pieces but he held together with that smile I always love.

Eros stole my brother. Even now as he's back home in body a new woman owns the deed to his soul.

Eros stole my fucking friend... But then again, did I ever have them? I've seen the face of Eros before in them, as I've seen in others. From the outside it was beautiful. It was them who told me it's a choke hold to begin with...

And I still see them in the same choke hold (there hold, so similar to my own by not the same, as now). I've always known that it was a losing battle.

Then Eros pierced my chest and stuck his cold sharp blood-stained hand to rip out my beating heart.

For Eros is my enemy, he always will be.

He laughs in my face. To think I tried to use Philo as my shining shield.

Eros has always taken what I've always wanted.

My soul knew this was a losing battle. Why do I fight for something that will never be mine? Never was mine, to begin with...

I sit in the darkness waiting for Philo to whisper. Whispers that are nothing more that the rancid left-over's of Eros choke hold.

I gave Philo my only tears for...this