Child

Even as a child

I belonged to

the dark.

Whether I knew this

or not

it was so.

As a child

As young as 5,

I would –

purposely-

cause myself

pain.

Not by falling

off a bike,

but by other means

such as choking myself

with a fabric belt.

I associated pain

with elegance

and beauty.

It wasn't

from reading

fanfiction –

this darkness-

so where

did this belief

come from?

How did it

manifest?

The darkness was

always part of me.

How much did

It effect how I am

today?