|Thai Me Up
Author: audacityofmymind PM
After my horrible, horrible decision of getting a job in a restaurant filled with horny college guys - which wasn't really surprising considering it was called Thai Me Up - I regretted my actions immensely. It was such a shame I realized that after I was in my leather uniform, being hit on by lecherous old guys and unbelievably persistent drunk teenagers. - OneShot.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Words: 2,833 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 01-24-13 - Status: Complete - id: 3094917
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A while ago, if you asked me what my worst trait was, I would probably think about it for a while before answering your question vaguely, saying it is my antisocial behavior or something equally overused.
Now I can assure you, I hate the fact that I am SO DAMN STUBBORN.
It is not my fault, really. There were a series of events that led to the most traumatic experience of my life. And possibly quite a few people's too.
It all began when my dearest brother George started annoying me, bugging me until I crossed the line of insanity. So, really, when I'm on the 7 o'clock news, horrifying you with my heart wrenching story, you should keep in mind that he is as guilty as I am.
Okay, if everyone agrees that George is the one to blame here, not me, and he is the bitch of this story, we can move on. Feel free to give him the stink eye whenever you see him around. I will be grateful.
Normally, George was the 'best brother ever', which basically means, well, he let me be. Unfortunately that changed when I got caught up in a situation that involved condoms, a cake and a physics book, which led to the eventual separation of him and his girlfriend. Needless to say, without a girlfriend to share saliva and god knows what kind of other bodily fluids with, his main entertainment was, well, me.
Me, not particularly sad about the break up, did the obvious thing. I explained the tricky situation to my brother in order to get them back together. George, it turns out, was not heartbroken but in fact happy that he got rid of the clingy now-ex-girlfriend.
Now, you may think the situation was resolved and it was happily ever after. But that's not what happened.
Explaining a tricky situation that involved condoms –he was quite furious after he heard the word condom- cake –which he probably interpreted as whipped cream, which would be an accurate assumption in many cases, but was not true in this case- and his little sister to George was, let's put it this way, was quite…tricky.
After that terribly disturbing argument we had, George was operating on overprotective brother mode, which was something he wasn't used to. Knowing that, it is pretty understandable that he thought being overprotective and being overly annoying was basically the same thing. But not really.
Since I wasn't the type to party and spend my non-existent free time with boys, his unnecessary overprotectiveness didn't bother me much. What bothered me were the pranks, the going through my diary and the 'I-know-this-is-the-fifth-time-I-am-doing-this-but-are-you-pregnant-?'.
Glad that I didn't write anything revealing in my diary, I decided to give an end to this ridiculous phase he was going through. Obviously, I had the right to be concerned for my mental health…and probably his, too.
Which brings us to the second reason why I was about to A) commit suicide, B) be murdered by my own brother, C) die of natural causes such as embarrassment and regret, whichever happens first.
One day, Colin, being the good friend that he is, dropped by our house when George wasn't around and told me to, I quote "Do something before I do something drastic, because George is fucking annoying this way."
So, clearly, I wasn't the only one who was sick of my brother's 'fucking annoying' behavior , and I had to do something.
If it weren't for Colin's encouragement, I probably never would have done something. Though, I know realize, when he told me to do something or he would do something drastic, he really didn't mean that I should do something drastic.
To be fair, it is not entirely Colin's fault either. Ehm… I respectfully and objectively agree that Colin is an attractive male specimen and it is quite possible that many young girls are uhh… lusting after him. Obviously, I'm just stating a fact here but I do not deny the possibility of me, being one of those girls.
Since we covered the reasons why I'm in this awkward situation right now, it is time I explained what the situation is.
Let's start from the beginning of my plan. George, Colin and a couple of their friends decided to celebrate their 'singleness' – though I have to admit, it is quiet unfair that I was not invited, considering I am the reason why George is single.
And where would you party if you were a recently single horny teenager? Yes, that's right. At Thai Me Up.
Believe it or not, I was actually relieved they chose Thai Me Up instead of the steakhouse called the Meating Place, - which is not even a pun anymore, it is plain gross. Besides, I look way better in leather bikinis, compared to the costumes they wear at the Meating Place, even I have boundaries.
So, the first step towards the ultimate goal of getting my old brother back, was to get back. Though, at this point of the story, I should probably tell you that I had no idea how to get the old George back and I simply wanted to get my revenge.
And what I did, made NO SENSE, AT ALL.
I went to Thai Me Up, the same week they made the reservation. And I got a job there.
Yeah. I'll let that bit of information sink in.
After my horrible, horrible decision of getting a job in a restaurant filled with horny college guys - which wasn't really surprising considering it was called Thai Me Up - I regretted my actions immensely.
It was such a shame I realized that after I was in my leather uniform, being hit on by lecherous old guys and unbelievably persistent drunk teenagers.
I swear my plan sounded waaay better in my head.
So, the real problem started when George and his little group of friends walked in, sitting at a booth I was assigned to serve. I poured some water in the glasses in front of them, as they were trying to decide what to eat, staring at the menus.
Still not realizing what a fucking bad idea it was, I put the water bottle on the table and started talking in my seductive bedroom voice - not that I was good at it.
"What can I get you boys?
The group tore their gaze away from their menus simultaneously, probably recognizing my oh-not-so-well-disguised voice.
George stared at me, shocked, his eyes wide and his mouth open. Colin started coughing after spending a considerable amount of time staring at my leather covered chest, but never tore his gaze away, not even when he was coughing. The rest of the group were almost as shocked as Colin, including George's other best friend Mikey, who was now slapping Colin on the back and telling him to breathe.
George stayed silent, probably because he was indecisive between yelling and crying, obviously traumatized for life.
Colin was now staring at my stomach, and his eyes met mine just for a second before he opened his mouth.
"You have a belly ring?"
His voice resembled a kid's, like he just found a bowl full of candy. It sounded so innocent, and I would have laughed, I really would, if it weren't for the pornographic pictures on the wall, the seductive music and barely clothed, sexy girls walking around.
This brings us to now, to the worst situation I have ever been in. And I was once forced to run around the campus without any clothes on. So, that's saying something.
Everyone ignored Colin's question, and I waited for the long awaited reaction of my brother.
"What the fuck?" was what he said after 3 minutes of silence.
I swallowed. "If you're not going to order anything, I'm going to ask you to leave."
Mikey raised an eyebrow, Colin kept staring - seriously, what the fuck is that about? - and George started turning red. I'm just gonna assume and say he was furious.
"What the heck are you doing, Jade?" George sneered, looking as red as my fuck-me high heels.
"As you can see, I'm working. So, what can I get you? I recommend the Spicy Hot Noodles, it's our special." I replied. I knooow, I've got some balls.
The rest of the group stayed silent until Mike opened his mouth to speak. "Do you have any deserts?"
I grinned as George whipped his head around and glared at him, before turning back to me. "You are not working here."
I ignored him. "We have Sweet Saucy Fried Bananas if you want."
Mike grinned at the name. "Cool. And can you get me some water, please?"
"Sure thing Mikey. What about you guys?" I faced the only guy I didn't particularly know, but was familiar with his face.
He glanced at George, who was looking back and forth between us, probably not knowing what to do.
"No, this shit is stopping right here. Jade, go and quit your job, right now. We'll talk when I get home."
I narrowed my eyes. "No."
He looked taken aback. "What do you mean, no ?"
Here it was. Everything came down to this, where I was finally going solve this problem.
"I said 'no'. Not until you stop acting like you are my boss." I stood still, even though I am aware of Colin's eyes lingering on my chest. "When you stop reading my diary, locking me in my room until the party I'm supposed to go is over and hiding my mini skirts, I'll quit my job."
George seemed to consider this, so I waited until someone broke the silence again.
"And stop making us scare away every guy that asks her out." Mike added.
I smiled in gratitude until I realized something. My smile dropped.
"Oh my god, you freaking lunatic! You guys were the street gang that followed Brad everywhere, making it impossible for him to go out anymore!"
Colin grimaced and Mike settled with giving me an apologetic smile.
George just shrugged and opened mouth to speak but I wasn't done yet.
"And Rick? You were the one who stole his pet hamster, weren't you?"
"In my defense, the guy cried. He cried, Jade. Do you really want a guy who cries over a pet?" George gave me a questioning look.
I didn't reply because, one, I wasn't done and two, he was right. It was a hamster, for God's sake.
"Jesus, don't tell me Borris is Rick's hamster? I knew it was awfully familiar." I gaped at my brother who grinned sheepishly.
"Dude, you kept the hamster?" Colin asked, his voice full of disbelief.
I interrupted their little conversation.
"What about Trent? And Simon? Oh my god, you seriously need help, George." I shook my head, just slightly amused.
"Believe me Jade, we weren't really happy with following you around, too." Mike apologized, turning to George. "Dude, seriously you have to stop this. Jade this and Jade that. Colin does that enough when you aren't around."
My eyebrows shot up as Colin whipped his head so fast that it made my neck hurt.
"Dude, why would you say that?" Colin grew red as Mike smirked, not really looking sorry.
I had to do something before everything got out of control. I grimaced when I saw the look George was giving Colin, who was silent. My gaze landed on the unknown guy and something clicked in my mind.
"Holy shit! You are that police officer! Officer Williams, was it?"
I put my hands on my hips and have him an accusing look.
The guy chuckled nervously. "Uhh, yeah... Nice to see you again. Scott Williams, I am not really-"
I cut him off. "A police officer? I figured as much."
I turned to my brother, shaking my head in disappointment. "You know George, I get all of it, well... maybe all of it except the hamster, but I don't get how you made your friend dress up as a police officer, knock on the car window and tell us to stop making out."
Scott grimaced, Mike looked amused more than anything else and Colin was frowning.
I sighed exasperated. "And I gather you are the one who broke Harry's nose, when he slapped my ass." I addressed my brother.
He looked shocked. "He did what?" His voice was loud and screech-y.
"Uhh... You didn't do it?"
He shook his head.
And suddenly I felt like laughing and crying at the same time. I wanted to cry because there was a situation about a boy that my brother hadn't done anything about. And I wanted to laugh because the only thing I needed help with was the Harry situation and he didn't even know about it.
It was ironic, really.
And then, another question came into mind. "Then...who did?"
I glanced at everyone at the table, gauging their reactions. Mikey and Scott simply looked indifferent, George looked constipated when trying to think and Colin seemed to grew redder as seconds passed.
I locked eyes with Colin and he looked everywhere but my eyes, including my belly ring and my red pumps that were mentioned earlier. Seriously, this guy has a staring problem...
I narrowed my eyes and he finally gave up the lost cause of trying to avoid my eyes.
"Okay, okay, stop it! It was me, I punched the bastard."
He, besides being the cutest thing in the world, was quite handsome and apparently strong, since he could throw a hell of a punch. I grinned attractively. "Thanks."
My brother clapped him on the back, showing his appreciation.
The restaurant manager, obviously annoyed at me for chatting with the customers for so long, cleared her throat, appearing right beside me. She was about to yell at me when she realized the table was full of attractive guys.
"Well, helloo there..." She flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled totally unattractively. Uh huh.
Tracy the Manager, gave me a stern look and opened his red-painted lips to speak. "Julia, was it? You can go and serve the other table."
She made a hand gesture, motioning me to go to the next table, which was occupied by three gross looking dudes. I cringed involuntarily.
My brother, who is usually into girls like Tracy, cringed too, which made me think he wasn't actually so bad.
Everyone looked uncomfortable and awkward, which led to an annoying silence, followed by the abrupt movement of the guys.
Scott and Mikey were the first ones out of the door, followed by my brother and eventually Colin and me, walking side by side. Needless to say we left a dumbfounded Tracy behind.
As my brother and his friends walked away, laughing and joking like they always do, I felt like everything was back to normal.
And of course, I had to do something.
I stopped dead on my tracks, causing Colin to trip on his feet.
"You didn't stare at her." I stated awkwardly.
He looked at me, confused. Obviously, my mind is so ridiculous that it is beyond comprehension.
I clarified my obviously inappropriate sentence. "You kept checking me out the whole time but you didn't stare at her. And as a girl, I think it is safe to say that she is something to stare at."
He hung his head and looked at me through his eyelashes. His smile became more evident as I took one more step towards him.
"Do you like Borris?" He asked, now looking into my eyes.
"Borris? You mean the hamster? What does he have to do with anything?" It turned out, it was my turn to be confused now.
"I don't like Borris. He reminds me of Rick, who reminds me of your other ex-boyfriends, which leads to my eventual depression." He took a deep breath. "Do you get what I'm saying?"
"I..I think I do." I grinned and he grinned back.
"Good." This time he was the one who took a step closer.
I pressed myself close to him and leaned in for a kiss, but not really. My lips barely grazed his cheek as I brought them near his ear and whispered.
"I also have a tattoo."
As I walked away, leaving him behind dumbfounded, I could literally feel his eyes on my barely covered ass... and it didn't bother me a bit.
Hey guys, thanks for reading! Tell me what you think, okay? Okay.