Just some drabbling thoughts on a matter I've been doing a lot of thinking about. Constructive criticism is welcome, however this is much more of a personal piece than anything serious.

Suicide is something like a party; a particularly unpleasant one. Allow me to explain.

Imagine yourself at a rather wild house party with your good friend. You're having a grand old time, chatting with strangers, drinking, cracking jokes. When suddenly you realize your friend is no longer with you. You amble about the party in a quiet search only to be informed that your friend abruptly dismissed themselves from the party. You check your watch. Ten P.M? You had only just arrived.

Looking about the place you begin to realize that you do not actually know many of the guests particularly well, nor do you really desire any of their company. Several partygoers offer reassurance that you will catch up to your friend eventually, but none seem to be able to tell you where your friend disappeared to or why.

Frustration mounting and confusion dissipating, you come to realize that this is in fact the case, and your friend has left you at the party alone. The throngs of pretty strangers no longer feel inviting, their conversations now seem dry. Several try to strike up polite chit chat, but what before seemed welcoming now feels like an intrusion. Have they noticed you are alone? Do they pity you because there is an obvious space beside you that should be filled?

You wonder how it is that no one else appears concerned. How they all continue their good time without a second thought. Most of them have never met your friend, but now it feels as if they should have. They urge you to continue, and you feel a painfully uncomfortable urge to leave. Yet a drink is passed your way, slides down your throat. An attractive stranger sidles up beside you. You partake in the group games and jokes.

By the end of the night everyone has forgotten who you came with, and assumes you have as well. You did have a good time, didn't you? What could have been missing? What more did you want?

But you remember.