December 12th

It has been almost a month since I left my home. I miss it greatly. I miss the warmth of our family hearth, the caring embrace of my mother and father, and my undying love to my soon to be wife, Jen. I have left my home to protect those I love and care about. I do not resent my decision, however painful it may be.

The first snowflakes have fallen, transforming the landscape entirely, and blanketing the trail completely. This place was so cold. I would give so much to be inside, next to a fire. However, this cannot be. Because I know, if I am close to any sort of civilization, who I am during the day, will not be who I am at night. I would unintentionally cause harm to anyone around me, and that is the reason I take the path that no one travels. It is a struggle with nature and my own self. I battle the sinister creature trapped inside me, the monster I can become, but with as much power that I can muster, I am able to keep it locked away. My only hope is that one day, I can be with Jen. That is the only thing left that drives me to live and find a cure for my condition.

An old man from farther east told me once about courage. I paid no heed, because being able to face my fears was not something I could relate to, since my fear was myself.

I found a small shelter today; I imagined it was an abandoned wolf's den. I huddled in the darkness and closed my eyes. I tried to sleep, to wait for the blizzard to pass, but sleep eluded me. The winds deafening roars, and the chilling breeze piercing me like claws, made sleep impossible.

In the distance, a lone wolf's howl could be heard, faintly. This had me worried, because if a pack of wolves came at me now, I would be unable to defend myself. Unless… No. The monster must stay inside me; I will not allow myself to give into its temptations of power and corruption.

The howl continued. I left the cave, due to my inability to sleep. The howl was beginning to sound closer to me. The sound was somber, and mellow. It was as if this wolf was truly alone.

I took the howl as a distress call. I ran through the two feet of snow, huddling in my coat, trying my hardest to remain somewhat warm. I came before a steep hill, and the howl came from beyond the slope. I breathed in and fought my way to the top. Each step was a struggle, and each step was unbearably cold.

Before me was a sad sight. A small wolf cub was trapped underneath a fallen tree. The weight of the snow must have forced it to fall. And unbeknownst to the small wolf cub, it fell, trapping the poor creature.

I hastily moved to the tree, using all my strength to move it, to rescue the distressed pup. The tree wouldn't even budge. If only it was warmer, I would be stronger, but this chill was sapping my strength. My coat was soaked by the snow, and I could no longer feel my body or my fingers. I was completely numb.

I knew what I had to do. I allowed the monster inside me to take over. The night sky gave me strength, giving me the power to overcome any obstacle. It overwhelmed me, I couldn't control it, I remember the tree being thrown across the clearing, and the wolf pup yelping away in sheer terror. I was a monster, I was a killer and it had every right to be afraid.

One thing I have learned is courage is not just being unafraid. Courage is being able to aide someone else; despite the risks it can create for you. I don't consider myself courageous, my acts are selfish. I am only trying to make myself a better person in hopes that one day; soon, I can be home with my fiancee.

~Evan Aeolus