Being invisible has always been easy.

I could just sit there quietly and go unnoticed

People pass right by me and never know they just past another human being

But...

It's okay

I'm used to it

I have some friends that I hang out with and talk to

And, don't get me wrong

I enjoy my time with my friends

But

There are the times where I'm the observer

I observe the conversations going on between my friends

I sit there quietly

Either reading a book or eating something

Listening to the conversations play out in front of me

I put up a nonchalant expression

But it's an act

Underneath the mask is a girl slowly sinking into the dark shadows

She feels sad

Unwanted

Then she hated herself for being an attention whore and continues to do whatever she was doing earlier

However, her insecurities catch up with her and makes her feel down again

How is it that I can still put up that act?

Especially when I end up alone during group work

Everyone paired off with their friends

My friends paired up with each other

I don't mind

I like working alone

I like being in my shell, not having to interact with people

But is it healthy for a girl to want to be alone?

I ask myself this sometimes but never fully delve into it.

With all the insecurities building up, it gets to the point where I don't want to talk

Speaking becomes difficult

But I have to

Otherwise they'll start questioning

I don't want that

I'm afraid that I'll shatter into pieces if they do

I know I can't be like this forever

One day I'll need to face these insecurities head on

But for now

I'll say inside my shell

Just a bit longer.