Headley's Llama

Headly Maidup reviews a selection of the week's new releases.

Each week sees a cloud of senseless gibberish from authors the world over. Headly Maidup tries to make sense of some of it for you and pick out the good bits.

First on the guillotine is Salad Weeks by Henri Illiterate. This is set in the summer of 1953 and tells of events as seen through the eyes of Barnsley Powder, a shopkeeper in rural Wimborne. We witness his struggles as he copes with running a village store, attempting to court the Schoolmaster's daughter, the increasing size of his rear and the dodgy dealings of his lawbreaking family. This is a blast from beginning to end with a shock twist at the end. First class stuff. 5 Llamas

Next up is The Illiterate Henry of Bridgewater, coincidentally by Salad Weeks. This tells of the adventures of a village oik in the 1860s, and his doomed love affair with a Bishop's daughter. To be fair, it's an ok read but a bit over long. In places you could be forgiven for thinking that the author wants to be Jane Austin as this does seem to borrow bits of Pride and Prejudice throughout. One assumes there is a bit of a spat between Henry Illiterate and Salad Weeks as this 'novel' does seem to spend some time insulting it's central character. Still, pointless insults aside, this is not bad. 3 Llamas

Now we come to Sherborne Tales by Batley Grimswater. This is a collection of related short stories. Set in urban north Dorset, this tells of the intertwining lives of some of its townsfolk. Each story concentrates on one character and follows them through notable events in the town. This is cleverly put together and well thought out, sadly let down by the most drab of covers and some poor quality illustrations at seemingly random points throughout. 3 ½ to 4 Llamas

The average quality of the week is brought right down by this next piece from Warner Hedgehog. Playboy Chickens is an incredibly surreal and peculiar read, straight from the warped mind of a complete fruitcake. I read it from cover to cover and cannot fathom the plot, work out what the characters are as their names are utterly meaningless and weird, or to be honest work out whether it's a book, a paperweight or just something to chuck in the bin. I suspect it's the latter. Do not read. -3 Llamas

Finally we arrive at The Gothic Walrus Incident by Gerald Cheeseboard. This is set in modern day Bletchley and follows the trials of Eddie Stone, who is known to his friends and enemies as the "Gothic Walrus". He's a gang member, drug pusher and all round nasty bit of work. His relatively stable little world of petty violence is shattered by the arrival of the beautiful Spleeana. In order to get the girl he must conquer his demons as they are trying to vanquish him. As his life spirals out of control we see him aim for redemption by attempting to destroy the world of vice and sin that made him into the wretch he is today. 5+ Llamas

Have a good week and happy reading!