Jason's Journal

July 30, 1994

Hi. I'm Jason. Today is my birthday, and at 11:32 AM this morning, I'll be turning fourteen. I'm one of the weirdest people you'll ever meet, but I guess you must be pretty weird yourself to be reading this. That's so cool of you, whoever you are. Some archaeologist who digs my journal up thousands of years into the future as an insight to what life was like. Thank you. If my life continues to be the way it is now, with everything shifting around me, I can tell you right now that you, the reader, will have to put up with a lot. Still, I believe everyone has the right to vent. That can't be healthy, repressing one's need to get all of their personal problems out of their system. Yet some are forced to go about it this way. Me, I bury myself in my work. Yes, despite being a teenager, I am still very busy.

It's funny because I'm given these immense tasks, these jobs, even in school we get assignments. And I'm told by the grownups to get it done and get it done quick. So why is it that the SAME EXACT people are cutting me down and telling me I'm not responsible enough to keep my shit together? That's not me, bud. That's you. Sometimes it's okay to lower your expectations a little.

I've never had a good experience with parents, legal guardians, or adults in general. Parents mainly because I never really knew my parents. Sure, they were around in the house I grew up in. My mother was Jill, 20 years my father's junior, and she stayed home and always had watched MTV because it was supposedly keeping her hip. My father was Melvin, a big time tax attorney who'd been married about three times, Mum included. We were actually rich, as we had a nicer, upscale Victorian house to live in, and a flashy Land Rover for leaving it. We weren't too far from Vegas, either. In fact, that's part of the reason I ended up here. In Fort Worth, Texas. It's kind of weird to think about, but even three months ago I would never have pictured myself living here.

I guess I can trace it back to one night in particular that got me into this mess. When I turned 13 last year, my parents bought me a video camera because they knew I liked movies. Seems an odd thing for a kid to have, but I tell you I loved it. But as ecstatic as I was to have it, that camera was part of the reason I ended up in Fort Worth as well. Which brings me to the final component in this terrible misunderstanding: I have a sister. Her name is Sloane and she's kind of a slut. If she hadn't been a slut at the time, we might all still be back in Reno, hanging out with our friends. Gee, wouldn't that be nice! I realize now how difficult it is to write with sarcasm. I suppose I've just gotta work on that.

1994

Three months ago, I'd just be getting out of school. Junior high sucked in Reno. I have this theory that it probably sucks everywhere. However, I did have the bestest friend in the world. She was a trustworthy, kind, caring, affectionate, attractive, pretty, hot, sexy- Okay, she was a bit of a slut. I'm not the type of person to hold that against people! I just live and let live, man! Regardless, she was Noelle. Let her be known as my only friend at the time. I was never a friendly person in 7th grade. Hell, I didn't have "sharing" down until 3rd!

So, where does an antisocial, awkward 7th grade Jason go to wait for his closest friend? Under a tree, of course. It was a tall oak tree that surprisingly kept its leaves through most of the seasons. Each day I'd be down there, waiting for Noelle to get out of class, making friendly chit-chat with the hobos who aimlessly meandered through the sidewalks. On other occasions, I'd just sit, and take a step back to reflect on all the things that were going on. Which, at the time, was practically nothing. But on this day, three months ago, she was early.

I sort of liked when Noelle would get out of class earlier than normal, because I found myself basically going ape shit bonkers until she arrived. Not only that, but today it seemed she was... prettier. Prettier, than most days. She walked over to the enormous oak tree where I was, while the wind guided her long, blonde hair to her left. She'd seen me over there enough times to justify calling it Jason's Batcave. And after awhile, I felt myself starting to embrace it. I have a Batcave. Hell. Frickin. Yes.

Noelle and I lived about a block away from each other, so we always walked home from school together. And today was no different. I grabbed my backpack, stood up, and left the Batcave. Usually, we'd have great conversations about what went on in our respective days, how weird it was that Roger Keller was dating Lorraine Flores, even after she cheated on him twice with his best friend. Man, if dating is seriously like that, I don't think I'll want anything to do with it. And as my mind got further and further off track, I figured I'd have to check back in with the real world at some point. I didn't notice it right away, but Noelle and I were actually holding hands! I was confused and sick to my stomach, but strangely okay with it. I slowly fixed my gaze upwards from her hand. Had she always been wearing that skirt? I was shocked, but I hadn't noticed that, either. What I knew for sure, however, was this; if we can all of a sudden hold hands, I'm sure we can go back to talking and stuff, too, right?

"So, uhm..." My voice cracked louder than a pinch harmonic. "How was your day?"

"Pretty boring," she replied. "We didn't really do anything in Science today."

I had, like, a mini-heart attack. Rather a fit of nervous laughter, followed by rambling, and the repeating of her words so as to jog her memory of what else might have happened that day.

"Are you okay, Jason?" Noelle asked in an oddly nurturing tone. "You seem a little tense."

The word 'tense' instantly sent chills down my spine, as it became apparent where I was. But what was there to worry about? I'd been in her room tons of times before. Though I couldn't remember the last time she, or anyone else had given me a shoulder massage. Believe me, all tension was gone. I felt completely at ease until new tension built up in my stomach. She was moving very close in to me, almost breathing down my neck. I didn't know where to go from there, so I just let it all happen. I was in such a state of shock that I nearly passed out on her bed. Then again, I have a feeling she wanted it that way. I opened my eyes once more and stared at the girl, Noelle, who was my best friend. She kissed my cheek. Then, she kissed my lips.

"Jason," she began. I felt my entire body quiver just as she said my name. It was a state of excitement, but also of fear. What the hell was I in for?

"Jason, I've had feelings for you since the sixth grade."

Sixth grade? What the... HOW!?... I was so weird in sixth grade! I was the only kid with velcro shoes because he could never figure out how to tie laces.

I wanted to say something like, 'Noelle, it can't happen like this! We've been best friends since fourth grade!' But I was honestly just too stunned to think. The skirt I'd seen her in today made its way to her desk chair, right next to her jacket and top. I was then certain that it was no longer a matter of where I was, rather a matter of where I was headed...

Sex. That is all. I don't quite remember the events of the day beyond that, but the hornier, hormone crazed incarnation of myself will always regret turning her down that day. I leapt from the bed claiming I had the flu, and ditched school for six days to back it up. I never walked home with her after that, and I never went back to Jason's Batcave. After all my best friend, Noelle, had been been my Bat Signal. And with no more Bat Signal, all you can do is hang up the cape and put your Batmobile in Public Storage. I always figured we'd reconcile someday, but as I later learned, that wouldn't be possible. Yours truly, the Caped Crusader, would be on his way to an all new Gotham City. And those Jokers wouldn't like the looks of me.

Fuck comic books.

JASON HORTON - AGE 13