Author: eye-o-u-fillintheblank PM
You ever want to go back in time so much it hurts? Driving your self insane with what if's and regrets. A girl's thougts of her best friend and the way things used to be. F/F Abuse, self- harmRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,622 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 02-08-13 - Published: 02-07-13 - id: 3099111
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hey, I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this or if it will continue. I'm just going to put what I have up and know if I don't end up adding on to it, it won't be much. I havn't really looked it over for mistakes so please excuse any that you may find.
Lost in yourself
Gazing at the moon, wishing for the sun, blinded by their light
The white that hides a darkness, deep down, the eyes can no longer see
Closing and grasping and hoping, you try
Feeling broken and empty inside
Numb and paralyzed, the will fades away
The goal no longer in sight, drifting slowly and farther away
The hand that reaches, has no time and out of sight out of mind
The hand falls and you wonder, why was it rising in the first place?
Unblinking, blank and lost
The gray crashing from the corner of those blinded eyes and you wonder why
When did we become this way
Here so close to me but you feel so far away
Gazing at the moon, you long for the sun you once knew
And I am in your shadow, hoping, craving for your eyes to meet mine
I reach and I stretch and I bend but I do not break
Farther and farther away you go and the fire diminishes
I am not the moon at which you look at with love
Nor am I the sun whom your crave with your being
I am not something bright that can illuminate your way
I am the darkness beside you that drags you further down
For you are my sun
And I, your shadow
As he is your sun
And you, his shadow
And the circle continues and we being here again
The will to fight fades and there is nothing left
Cold and empty, I hate myself
And I want to hate you too
But I am too tired to hate anything else
Would it be ok if I slept?
But you wouldn't know, as you have forgotten me long ago
Goodbye and I am sorry
It's too hard to stay awake, so I'll close my eyes and dream of you, and hope one day I can be warm again
Hey. Are you listening? Good, I have something I want to tell you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm useless aren't I? I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. I wouldn't want to be my friend either. You just mean so much to me. So, so much. I want to take away all your pain. I want to take you away to a place where they'll be just the two of us. But before we go, I would want to hurt everyone whoever hurt you. I love you, you know?
You once told me something similar to that. Do you remember? You told me you were sorry you couldn't save me. You also said that you loved me but I think your love was a bit different than mine. And its ok that you didn't save me. I mean, I couldn't save you either you know. Do you think that its ok for us to be like this? So far away, but right now we're seeing the same sky and I wish you were here with me now but somehow I still feel close to you. Thank you. For loving me. I can't love myself, and they say you can't really love anyone until you love yourself. I don't know about that, but is it really ok for me to continue this way? Is it ok for me to continue to love you even though you are no longer here? I wish I could get you out of my mind. Everyday I see your face in my mind. I think of the stupid things we used to do. All the conversations we ever had.. I wonder if I had told you how I really felt that day, how would you have reacted? Would you have held me and let me hold you as we fell? I didn't need to be saved as long as you were with me. But now, I'm all alone you know? And it doesn't even hurt anymore because I can't really feel anymore. What do you think about this?
Hey do you miss me too? Am I the only one missing you? Was it one-sided all along? Do I ever cross your thoughts? What was I to you? Did you really love me? Why am I so broken? I just want someone to love me and I wanted someone I could love. I thought we had that, I thought we were closer than that. Maybe two broken people just can't be together. We need someone willing to chase after us because we are too scared to do the chasing, we think ourselves too undeserving. I wish you would answer me. I wish we could go back to that time. If nothing else I wish I could see you and I wish you would really LOOK at me. Please don't look through me any more when we meet ok? It makes it hard to look at you and if neither of us is looking what then? I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I really really love you. Though sometimes I wish I didn't. Why am I so obsessed I wonder? I don't know, do you? But you won't answer me will you? I mean you can hardly look at me. I love you. I can't stop loving you.
I am pathetic.