Author: eye-o-u-fillintheblank PM
You ever want to go back in time so much it hurts? Driving your self insane with what if's and regrets. A girl's thougts of her best friend and the way things used to be. F/F Abuse, self- harmRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,622 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 02-08-13 - Published: 02-07-13 - id: 3099111
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Are you okay Adri?" Scotts voice. Close. I turn my head, shaking it a little to break out of my sleep induced daze.
"...I'm fine." I smile, a forced, small and broken smile. He knows that's not true, but probably doesn't realize that I know that he knows. I lift myself off of my desk and run my hand through my short hair.
"I'm glad." He says, his own smile slightly forced, and I wonder if he is also not okay. If he too feels this empty longing nagging at the back of his mind day in and day out. Once again his brown eyes face forward, not truly seeing the teacher and the barely legible notes on the board. Quickly, I flip open my book and begin to furiously copy, a welcome distraction.
I finish the task soon enough and once again my fingers are in my hair. It's brown with faint, natural blond highlights; a fairly stark contrast to my mother's own shinny golden locks. Its cut in a bob style, long in the front and short in the back. In the back it is as short as a boy's and having fingers run through it is comferting.
The last time you saw me, my hair had extended beyond my lower back. Long enough that I would occasionally sit on it. It was the hair you said you loved, you swore you would hurt me should I cut it. Of course it was in a joking manor, but you truly loved my hair. Always playing with it, braiding, brushing. I hated my hair. It was annoying and tiresome but still I kept it. My hair had always been long and I was scared to change.
I wonder what you would think of my hair if you saw it now. What you would think of me if you saw how much I've changed. How would I feel if I see how much you've changeded? Because of course you've changed, its been so long. I wonder how your hair has changed. It had been short at the time. Black and short and soft. I could've ran my fingers through it all day. Sometimes I would fantasize as I played with your hair. How would you have reacted, if I had twinned my fingers into the nape of your neck? If I tilted your head just so, and slowly, oh so slowly began to lean forward? If my lips were to press to yours? Sometimes our eyes would catch and hold and I would be tempted, so very tempted. But I could never do that, no with how insecure I am. Not when you had him.
A sudden hand at my shoulder causes me to uncurl my fingers which had been unknowingly been clutching at my scalp. "Adri, come on. The bell rang, let's get out of here."
Yes, please get out of my head. Scott stands there, warm and strong and sure and I wish that I could've fallen in love with someone like him. Someone who makes their feelings clear. But only for a moment. I can't imagine ever feeling about this way about anyone else other than you.