Author: Heyitscarisa PM
Silence. All I heard was silence, and the deafening churn of the pumping machine that was my brain. It wouldn't stop, couldn't stop, thinking. The darkness and emptiness of the room was so oppressive, so suffocating, as though it were the ghosts of my mistakes, coming to taunt me.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Words: 769 - Published: 02-22-13 - Status: Complete - id: 3103137
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The dim light from my bedside alarm clock filtered through the ominous darkness that surrounded me, silently announcing the unearthly hours at which I still lay awake. I stared at it dully, watching the seconds go by on that electronic timekeeper. 3 am. I've lain awake for four hours now. I pressed my face into a pillow, the one that I'd repeatedly flipped over since I had started my futile attempts to sleep, and let out an agonising, muffled groan.
Silence. All I heard was silence, and the deafening churn of the pumping machine that was my brain. It wouldn't stop, couldn't stop, thinking. The darkness and emptiness of the room was so oppressive, so suffocating, as though it were the ghosts of my mistakes, coming to taunt me. A pressure built in my chest, so fast, so strong, that it felt like it could almost burst out of my frame. I sat up, and drew my knees close to my chest, wrapping my trembling arms around it, hoping, praying, that I would be able to sleep, and finally, finally be able to get out of my living nightmare. My mind was a swirling cocktail of exasperating worry, perplexing thoughts and a tormenting wakefulness. The drugging alcohol of it overpowered and numbed my fatigued body. Insomnia haunted me, like a horrifying preternatural beast that clawed its way out of the womb of the mounting tension in my mind, bursting to life with a grotesque glee that promised the absence of sleep. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed my mind to rest, to let me just have that few hours of sleep, of peace, of salvation from this hell-hole. My forehead was creased as I pulled my eyebrows together, and attempted to pull my thoughts away from the horrifying realisation that struck me hours ago. No use. It was no use. A strangled cry of exasperation escaped from my lips, which were sore from the long hours of continuous chewing. I slumped in a heap against my pillows, frustrated and tired. I lethargically reached up to rub my bleary eyes, and struggled to resist the sharp tears that were pricking at the back of my eyes. I would not cry. I had not cried in so long, I would not cry now. I was strong enough for this. My stomach clenched tightly, as invasive fingers of anxiety and tension twisted it into painful knots, and the fear of what was to come pervaded my every pore. I wanted so much to end this, this abyss of wakefulness, of terror. The knowledge that everyone was asleep did little to soothe that yearning, and I felt so painfully alone. But, I wasn't.
My hand shook as it reached on its own accord to touch my flat stomach. There was life there now. An electrifying shockwave of love and worry seared through me, each feeling so vastly different, so intense, pulling me in two painful directions. What would mum think? She would murder me! Fear gripped me, and a ball of bitterness rose, clogging my windpipe, as I imagined how she would react. She resented me enough, and had always looked upon me as a burden, as a painful reminder of her horrible teenage past. How brutally cruel fate could be, that made me pregnant the same age when she was pregnant with me. Only sixteen. Would she force me to go for an abortion? No! My heart contracted painfully at that thought. I would keep the baby. It was mine, and I loved it so excruciatingly much. How could something I loved so much cause me so much pain and torment even before it was born?
My mind argued with itself, surfacing overwhelmingly intense emotions that left me tired. So very tired. I took in deep breaths, but that rush of air did little to soothe my inner turmoil. My physical body was so fatigued, and every atom of it yearned for rest. But my mind refused to stop, warring viciously and relentlessly with my being. I sunk my head deeper into the cushions of my bed. I knew that the beast of insomnia would continue to haunt me as long as I had not come to terms with the burden that I carried within my womb.
Author's Note: Hay you guise! This is my first publish for Fictionpress *stoked* Anyway, this was just an essay i did for school, but i thought that i should post it to see how you guy'll react to it. Hope you enjoyed it and please do comment!