I am a Little Debbie Cake addict. Everything from Zebra Cakes and Fudge Brownies to their Honey and Oat Granola Bars, I love'em. Being the fan of the food, as I am, there are times when I'd much rather have an apple or cheese popcorn (love that stuff =b) than a Little Debbie Cake for my snack. So, when the cakes are put aside, as they say, "out of sight, out of mind" they may remain in their designated drawer for quite some time.

The cake in question was a Fudge Square, which had remained in the the drawer for about...umm...a year . and had remained in perfect condition, no mold, it wasn't stale, the creme wasn't separating or anything. How do I know this? I ate it. (There is _no_ food in our house at this point in time, I swear...and we're out of granola bars.)

"What is in these?" I ask myself. I mean, hey, it's not a hot-dog or Spam, so you can ask this question, right? So, I have the label before me, right now, as I type this, and I'm thinking, "I can't even pronounce half of these words. How can this be considered food?" Obviously, the first ingredient is sugar. How could it be a kid's food and not have sugar in it? I mean, come on. On down the list, past the emulsifiers and leavening (what the hell are those?), is what I had gone in search for. In little black official looking type is says (yes it's in all caps on the box, too)-

SORBIC ACID (TO RETAIN FRESHNESS)

I'm sure that's right up there with plutonium and concrete on the list of things you should _not_ consume on a weekly basis.

I feel tempted to call my friend Tim, who's daddy works at and owns his own funeral home, to ask him if SORBIC ACID is some sort of embalming fluid. "Wow! You mean I'm preserving my body for all of eternity and getting a sugar rush?! HaHa! Lucky am I!"

I won't be eating Little Debbie Cakes for a little while. Oh, sweet mother of Weird Al Yankovic, do you know what's in cheese popcorn?!