"On Losing Oneself"

Most people who know me well know that I have relatively good sense of direction. This sense of direction however, only seems to function when I am in the United States. In eighteen years of living I have managed to escape from the United States to six different countries. In each of those countries I have managed to find myself lost in some way, place, or form.

London 1998
For many years I have enjoyed looking at and walking through churches, which is ironic as I have not been raised a religious person. I jumped at the chance to visit St. Paul's Cathedral. I gladly paid the four pounds to get in and quietly entered the building after removing my hat. I looked around the first floor of the church and then headed for the top floor enjoying the 1000 step challenge that stood between myself and the tower. After fifteen or twenty minutes I had reached the top and marveled at the grand view of dirty old London standing proud beneath the heavy gray clouds. Uncomfortable at the increasing number of people gathering at the top of the church, taking into consideration the ridiculously small amount of room there, I decided to go to the basement level and explore the crypt. I walked for a few moments with a friend and we realized when we reached a blocked walkway we had somehow managed to get off the beaten path. Slightly worried we retraced our steps and eventually ended up back at the blocked walkway. Incredibly perturbed by this point, my group member and I called for help. A few moments later a short, bald man came to our rescue. Thank the Gods for short, bald men! Most people get lost in cities; I get lost in buildings.

Edinburgh 1998
My friends wanted to look for shoes. We were in Scotland, the land that had haunted my dreams and thoughts for as long as I could remember, and they wanted to look for shoes. Okay, I decided. Shoe-hunting may not have been what I imagined myself doing in Scotland, but it was better than the other option which was going to take a nap in the hotel room.
Patiently I walked with the group along the ancient streets and I sorted through daydreams to keep myself occupied in the boring stores. I meandered quietly behind the group up and down the streets. Finally, after we had walked down a shadowy street six or seven times the lead shoe-hunter admitted to being lost. I laughed at my own luck and remembered other times I had managed to lose myself in other cities. The group members wanted to keep roaming and just hope that we could find our way back, but I didn’t agree with them and told them so. I seized the moment and told them I was done looking for shoes. Surprised at my sudden outburst, the group just watched as I walked up to a perfect stranger and asked him for directions. He kindly told me what I needed to know and I held my head high as the shoe-hunters and I walked down the street to find a bus. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers. I thought with a laugh.

Paris 1997
Night had fallen on the City of Lights, and it very dark, very lonely and very damp. I checked the address on my hotel key again and frowned; the street name was not on the map. The woman I walked with nervously glanced about and decided that the sole man on the street could help us. The man spoke no English. The woman started to run and I followed trying not to lose the boy also walking with us. The woman ran until we came to a hotel. Again the woman looked around, and ordered the boy and I to stay outside the building; she also demanded I give her my hotel key. I handed her the key, and leaned against the white stone wall of the hotel the woman headed into. The boy and I talked about the woman until she returned to tell us that the address on the hotel key belonged to a hotel in Italy. Eventually the woman made the decision that we should just keep walking, and sooner or later we would find the hotel, or if all else failed we could wait until the other people we had been separated from sent a search party through the layers of pollution to find us. Luckily the woman's plan worked and we managed to safely find the hotel. We all got a good night's sleep, and the next day we got lost while buying bread and cheese for the train ride to Madrid. Resistance is futile?

Madrid 1997
Construction workers' machines and the horns of cars filled the air, and only proved to annoy me further. One of my friends squealed her disapproval while shaking my arm and jumping up and down. I asked her to stop while I asked for directions. The man I asked pointed to the right and said something very quickly. I had no idea what he meant except for the pointing. I informed my small group of travelers that we would walk right for a few blocks and see if we came upon the hotel. We didn't. So we walked back up street and wished that one of us could fluently speak Spanish. We tried retracing our steps and barely avoided being arrested and hit by a car. I wanted to cry. Then came a beacon of hope among the sea of Spaniards, a familiar flash of orange hair, a friend. I flagged her down and we pleaded her for directions. With wide eyes she told us the hotel simply lay two blocks on our left. With huge sighs of relief we hurried back to the hotel.

Vancouver 1997
The white truck was large and new. I inhaled the rich scent of the new leather and smiled. Then I looked outside at the bustling traffic and dark sky. I start to lose myself in thoughts about how I am lost yet again when I hear my dad shout out. I jerk in surprise and look up to the driver's seat. My dad called out again and I looked out the window to see what my dad could be yelling about. A cab driver in the next lane is leaning in our direction trying to hear my dad. My dad asked for directions; he's probably one of the only men who will do that. The cab driver smiled at us and told us to follow him. The light turned green and he dashed away, and we followed. We followed him for about four miles when he waved us off. Everyone cheered when we saw we were where we wanted to be.

Hiroshima 2001

My friend and I wanted to meet our other friends at the outdoor shopping center, but hey wanted to explore a rebuilt palace. Since neither my friend or myself had the yen (money or longing) neccesary to enter the palace, we decided to rejoin our friends later. We walked around trying to follow our map, but eventually we came to a road without a crosswalk. The only solution visible was an underground walkway which appeared to end on the other side of the street.
We plunged downward and marveled at the recreation center underneath the streets. As we dodged bicyclists, we walked in as straight a line as possible. We eventually came upon a baseball stadium, we were no longer entirely underground at this point, and found it on the map. We cheered and assumed we were headed in the right direction.
Never assume.

I have wanted to travel the world for a long time. I dream of the day when I will board the first plane on my trip around the world. I also dream of the day when I will not get lost while exploring the world.