In an ideal world, life would plan itself in accordance to you. Everything you ever dreamed to be you'd become and everything you'd hoped to have could be yours. But in our world, that isn't so. Reality throws us into different situations and hands us new experiences every day-solely to see how we deal with them. There are people who make the best of any situation, there are those who deal with them, and there are those who simply cannot handle such a large dose of reality. These are the people who, in desperation find any way and any means of being able to avoid life and its conflicts. It's been said that desperate times call for desperate measures.and maybe that is so but how can you fully know unless you view the situation from an outsider's standpoint? What happens when you see exactly how much it affects the people in your life and you realize it's too late to change it?

The room was silent except for the sound of her breathing, shallow and rapid in its succession. Outside, the sun had set and there was only the faintest glow of light seeping through the blinds of the window. She lay sprawled across the bed, her hair matted against her forehead and her clothes, drenched in sweat, clinging to her body. As cold as she was, she knew now that she didn't have the energy to reach for a blanket.

Her face wore a contorted expression, one of extreme agony yet it was far too painful to shed any tears. Focusing on the cheap glowing stars plastered to her ceiling, she realized that they did, in a way, paint a portrait of her life. They swirled around in a repetitive, seemingly perpetual circle. How odd it was that she'd only noticed it now, the symbolism of the continuous downward spiral that had come to be her life. All this time it had been right in front of her, and she'd only just now conceived the idea. How ironic.

It had been six months since her mother had died and she'd only fully come to terms with recently. While cancer had taken away the one thing she'd had left, she hadn't expressed any remorse, any emotion. Not as she held in her arms the woman who had raised her alone, the same woman that at one time held all the power in the world in her embrace. This woman was whispering her goodbyes.

I never cried. She thought hazily, clutching her stomach in an attempt to roll onto her side. And she hadn't, not then and not at the funeral. To cry in front of others was to be emotionally naked, and it was a kind of vulnerability she could not handle.

For as long as she could remember, she had saved her tears for the privacy of her own room where no one could see her or comfort her with lies. It was the only place in the world that held any truth, and the only place she could fully let go. She would lie in bed for days, crying, sleeping, and thinking. But no, she had never acted upon her emotions until today, and she still wasn't quite sure whether it was something to take pride in or something to hide. Either way, someone would eventually know.

At the time when the mass majority of people were finding out what they wanted to do with their lives, she was learning that there was absolutely nothing for her. It was a strange, new feeling, and even comical. She'd denied the truth, her truth for so long, wishing and hoping that some day she wouldn't feel as lost as she was. That day had never come. Finally, she learned that there was no ideal life, no love, no personal gain. And it was a truth that she didn't want to accept.

If the day had been different, she might have not recognized this. If what she thought was love hadn't let her go, then she might have gone on another day, another month-the rest of her life living in an ignorant bliss.

But would that have been so terrible? She wondered, and then hurriedly decided that, yes it would have been. Eventually, everybody died anyway but she'd gained the upper hand. I found truth.

"Damnit." Came the muttering of a new voice. She strained to lift her head only managed to turn her head to the side. Less than a moment later, a blurred face was peering down at her. "Why?" He whispered, and immediately she knew who it was. He held the empty bottle in one of his hands. She was surprised, yet all he read in her face was pain.

"What.doing here?" Was the slurred response she managed to get out as something wet seeped from her lips.

He gently ran his fingertips across her forehead, pushing the hair away from her face. "I came to see if you were alright. Why?" His fingers traveled down to her lips, brushing away the blood.

"Too much." She croaked, the only answer she knew how to explain.

"I was here. You could have come and I would have listened. You know-" She lifted a hand to his lips to silence him, and he kissed the inside of her palm. "We have to get you out of here."

"No." It would only be a few more minutes, she knew. It wouldn't matter. Looking at him, at the tears running down his face, she almost wished she hadn't done this. Almost. And then she remembered truth, and the reasons behind this and they overweighed any sympathy she felt for him. "Play something." She pleaded, hoping it would stall for time.

"I have to take you to a hospital." He shook his head firmly.

"After." An empty promise, and the guilt was slowly consuming her. But what else could she do? It wasn't as if she could go back and change all she had done now, and honestly, she didn't want to. The nagging feeling in the back of her mind was nothing right now, she just wanted this to end.

Hesitantly, she could see him reaching for the guitar propped up against the wall and she felt a sense of relief wash over her. He strummed a few chords, the melody of the song and his beautiful voice consuming her thoughts.

This was a good way for things to end, she thought. He didn't deserve this, but there was nothing she could do. A friend, if such a word had any meaning, existed in his complete embodiment, heart and soul.

It was close now, she sensed. The music became softer, farther away. This was it. Finally, everything would end and she would no longer have to be involved in the ignorance of the world.

I found truth.

And then, everything went black.