A.N~ this is just some random ranting about a guy whom i like and liked me a lot and
then, yeah, i guess he is an asshole but i'm still not sure exactly what is going on
i lie here, alone, and wonder where you are. you confessed your love for me,
even though you thought you couldn't have me. well i lied, i lied. you could have just
grabbed me, carried me away, but that is for fairy tales, never my life. and i'm so
lonely and i miss being able to look at you and know that someone cared. but that
girl, that whore, took you from me. i was going to tell you, tell you everything. i
was going to release my lies, right to your face. but now i'm buried under them,
crushed under the weight.
i reached out to you, and i was going to take your hand, but then you turned
away and saw her. everyone says i'm much more pretty than her, and that you're
not worth it, but i know. i lost something that i was waiting for.
and if i reach my hand out now, you'll just be revolted by my sight, won't you?
god i just want to be with you. i lay in my bed and think about you because you are
my thoughts, you are my mind, i consist of nothing but desire to see you for another
minute. i'm so helpless and there's no one left to take my hand. how could i have
just shoved the memories of heartbreak and hurt aside? i have been hurt so many
times, and now you have hurt me too. you never even knew my last name.
i thought you were different. or maybe i just convinced myself that you were.
but i'm drowning; my lungs are collapsing, my whole body is. the weight of my lies
is overpowering. i told you there was someone else but i lied, i lied; i'm sorry.
maybe i should just return to where i came from, turn my back on all of the good i
have found and loved and then force my small body back into the hole of my
religion. i will fit, i will fit. but will i live?
i can make it without you but it would so much better if you were here. i don't
know why i lied. now i have to see you with her every day. did you know how she
turns on you? yes you do. you have seen her try to fuck you and then go fuck other
guys. i won't seduce you i won't tell you any more lies if you'll just be there for
me. and my tears have stopped coming, my reservoirs of sadness are gone, like
everything else in my fucking life.
everyone says i shouldn't bother with you, but i'm still trying to figure out if i
should. is my worth more or less than yours?