I need pain

I can't get to the knife

Fast enough

To satisfy this thing

I feel the coolness

Of the metal

Against my skin

It is driving me crazy

This force

Telling me to do this

I need to feel it tear

Tear my skin apart

I long for the feeling

Long to see blood

I need this punishment

I need to satisfy the desire

The desire to hurt

The desire for pain

Sometimes it is so powerful

You don't realize

How sharp it is

How many cuts you've made

And you don't care either

You just need to do it

Afterwards

The stinging

Brings you back to reality

The whirl of thoughts is now gone

You are normal again

Except for the throbbing in your arm

You look of course

You see the welts forming

The blood at the surface of the cuts

You run your finger over them

So you feel

Not just see

That they are there

Then you change your shirt

Can't let your secret out

You walk downstairs

Smile your fake smile

You know that they have no idea

Of what just happened

Of what you just did

That makes you happy

That you can hide this from them

They will never know

You are finally calm

For now at least

Now you wait

Wait for the next time

When the feeling comes again

And you know you can't resist it

You know it will return

So for now

You just sit back

Relax

And wait