Well here goes the next part of this play. It's been a while hasn't it? (Sorry Lener!) I am actually very proud of this play. I wrote it about 2 years ago but still... I think I could be some sort of comedian...

But what do you as the reviewer think? I tried to address some of the stereotypical roles of the characters by using humor. It's too bad not too many people read this because I think I did a pretty good job.

So here it goes...

The Villain and the Princess get a little closer but what happens when the Assistant Director has other plans?

Scene 4
(Princess and Villain are sitting on bench.)

Villain-This is where I come between acts.

Princess-(Interested)But this is the stage.

Villain-Oh it is isn’t it? (laughs) I guess they moved this set to the stage. It used to be behind the building outside by the parking lot. Its funny how the director always seems to be slipping things into the play that don’t seem to belong. But anyway no one came there so I never was bothered.

Princess-Oh I guess its nice. And peaceful. (Looking up at sky)Look at the stars. Aren’t they beautiful tonight?

Villain-I think you are more beautiful princess.

Princess-Oh?

Villain-Yes. You see stars are nothing more than glimmers of light. They are only as big as an ink sploch. Therefor I conclude that you are more beautiful. Besides those are just glow-in-the-dark-stickers shaped as stars.

Princess-(laughs)You have such a strange way of putting things.

Villain-A lot of people seem to call me strange. I really wonder if I’m the only one normal and it’s really everyone else that’s strange.

Princess-I never thought about it that way. I guess there is really no one who isn’t strange in their own way. Most of the servants think I’m strange because I boast about myself all the time. You yourself probably think that is strange.

Villain-Well. I think it depends on why you act that way.

Princess-I really wish I could be tough. You know. Ever since I was a little girl people were sexist to me just because I was a girl. I guess my pride didn’t help much either.

Villain-I’m sure you could get stronger. You could learn karate.

Princess-Me? I don’t know if I could ever learn to fight.

Villain-You could try. Or you can go to the gym. Run every morning or do one of those fitness videos. I tried to do one of those one time and I didn’t last five minutes.

Princess-Well video tapes haven’t even been invented yet. (laughing)

Villain-(serious)Princess. Lady. Whoever you are. Lets just stop pretending to play our parts. Lets stop being “the villain and his prisoner the princess.”

Princess-O.K.

Villain-Now my name is Edward. What is yours?

Princess-Meredith.

(They shake hands.)

Villain-Nice to meet you Meredith.

Princess-Nice to meet you too.

Villain-I think we will be good friends.

Princess-I think so too.

(Stare at each other. Both lean over toward each other to kiss but A. Director walks in between them.

A. Director-O.K. O.K. Break it up. The romance is over. Princess if the director saw you what would he think? Villain you need to be more mean. Ugly. (makes a face) (to Princess) Come on your the victim here. Your not supposed to fall in love with your kidnapper. That’s not how the story goes.

Princess-Sorry. I guess we got carried away. (laughs)

A. Director-What about the audience? They don’t want a cheesy romance. They want violence. Helplessness. Fights!

Villain-Are you sure they want to see all that?

A. Director-Believe me I’ve studied this. I know what people want to see.

Villain-Who are these people?

Princess-Wait a minute. Are you saying our acting is cheesy?

Villain-We were acting?

Princess-Mr. ASSISTANT director. You're just the assistant. Your not in charge. Let the director decide which scenes he likes. I know we must be entertaining some people. I still see an audience out there. Has anyone got up and left?

A. director-No one, but the director.

Villain-The director left?

A. director-Yes. So now I’m in charge.

Villain-The director left!? How can he do that? Right when we are still on stage.

A. director-He had to run an errand. Now the knight will be here soon. He will fight you, win, and rescue the princess. Then we can all go home. (yawns) Its getting late. So action!

(goes to the edge of the stage and throws knight on stage)

Villain-Oh yeah. Him!

Knight-(acting drunk) Yeah I’m here to save the princess. She really, really needs me. I gotta help her.

Princess-I don’t need to be helped by you, you big oath.

Knight-(stumbles)I gotta save the princess. (Looks at villain) My princess! Did you do something to your hair?

Princess-I’m over here!

(Knight swings over to her direction.)

Princess-What's wrong with him?

Villain-He’s drugged.(shrugs his shoulders)

(Sidekick runs onto stage.)

Sidekick-Mr. Villain I have failed you sir!

Villain-I see. He seems to be drunk, but how did he get here?

Sidekick-Some woman came and ruined everything. He only drank half of the beer. I tried to stop him. Its not my fault. Please don’t kill me.

Villain-I’m not going to kill you.

Princess-(demanding)What’d you do to him?

Villain-I only tried to get Willy to drug him. At least Willy did that part right. I didn’t want the knight running around here. But since the knight seems to be in no condition to do much. He really isn’t a threat.

Knight-I am Bond. James Bond. Would you like that shaken or stirred?

Villain-(Amused)Shaken not stirred.

Knight-I thought I was supposed to say that.

Villain-(to Princess)You know I never understood why he always drank the same thing. You think you’d get bored after a while.

Knight-I will fight you to the death horrible villain. (stumbles) Come and face you doom. (Falls down on the ground) Prepare to lose. (Goes unconcious.)

Villain-Well looks like the drug was stronger than I thought. Maybe it was a good thing he only drank half of it.

Princess-How could you have done this to him?

Villain-Why princess I thought you hated him.

Princess-Well not hate, hate him. Anyway couldn’t you have fought him instead of drugging him? Are you even sure that this drug is safe to be used on humans?

Villain-No. I guess you could say he was my guinea pig!

(Villain and Sidekick laugh at stupid joke.)

Princess-That’s not funny. Maybe we should get him to a doctor.

Villain-Why? We’re in the middle of a play.

Princess-Well it doesn’t really matter does it? We haven’t been following the script anyway.

Villain-If we revive him it will mean he will keep bothering us. I can’t fight him because I don’t know how and we can’t keep running from him forever if someone's helping him. (Takes her hand) Don’t you want to be alone for a while?

Princess-Well maybe we should just start keeping to the script. Things could get dangerous.

Villain-How can they be dangerous. The way we’ve been going no fighting has occurred between the knight and I yet.

Princess-Well we don’t really know what we are doing do we?

Villain-Isn’t that the fun of it. We surprise ourselves as well as the audience.

Princess-Look as hard it is for me to accept it. I’m the helpless victim here.

Villain-But I don’t want you to be the victim.

(Princess looks away.)

Villain-Oh yes. (Angrily)Maybe we should follow the script. IT’S JUST ACTING!!

Princess-What's that supposed to mean?

Villain-It means you don’t take me seriously.

Princess-What!

Villain-The impression you gave me was that we were only acting during the scene before the Assistant director came.

Princess-I gave you that impression? I’m sorry. Don’t be mad.

Villain-I will be mad. You don’t seem to want to get serious about our relationship.

Princess-But we only just met each other.

Villain-But it feels like an eternity, right? Romeo and Juliet worked out when they only knew each other for a couple days.

Princess-We’re not supposed to be Romeo and Juliet.

Villain-We can be anyone!

Princess-Lets stick to the script. O.K. We'll be what the script says.

Villain-So you don’t really like me do you?

Princess-I didn’t say that.

Villain-Well if we play our parts you can not like me. Captives do not like there Captors.

Princess-What are you saying?

Villain-You are my captive. (To Sidekick) Willy put the princess in the cage.

Princess-What! I don’t need to go in a cage!

(Sidekick grabs her.)

Princess-Why you! You can’t do this! Why don’t you start acting like a man and face the knight instead of poisoning him.

Villain-I didn’t poison him. It was a drug.

Princess-Maybe you should just start facing things like a man. Locking me in a cage isn’t what a man would do!

(Sidekick drags her off the stage)

Princess-Coward! Your no better than the knight! You’ll pay for this!

(Blackout...)