By:Shanchan

Disclaimer: This story is one I wrote, but it's the basic plot of Koujo's trilogy on Yuki: Friends of Love, Beyond the Grave and Past Nightmares. This is from Mizuko's point of view for I am, Mizuko, child of water. This story, like Koujo's is mainly fiction. There are true things, but just treat it all as fiction. I wrote this for Koujo, Yuki and all those who have given me love. "Reflections" is a song from Disney's Mulan.

Part 1: Reflections

The sky was still dark and when I woke up to the cheerful beeping of my alarm clock. I laid in bed, listening to the constant incessant sound, hating everything about it, but mostly way it beeped on and on, leaving me no peace until I was driven out of bed and turned it off. Suddenly, I sat up in and, unable to take it any longer, banged my fist upon the stupid button. The beeping sound stopped immediately. My entire body was tired as I dragged myself into the restroom and as I turned on the light, its brightness blinded me. I grumbled some cursed before standing in front of the small mirror to wash my face.

My life has always been a mess - ever since I can remember. Everything seemed so... Well, so unreal. Everything felt like a never-ending nightmare...even success didn't feel so sweet. It was just empty, filling me with that lack of something that I cannot describe, for as long as I could recall. Even though my façade was happy and overly energetic, the emptiness never left me. The happiness was, after all, merely a façade. I had the ability to hide from my emptiness and forget it for a short time, but inevitably, it would return.

~Look at me
~You may think you see who I really am
~But you'll never know me
~Ev'ry day
~It's as if I play a part

Turning on the cold water, I plunged my hands into it, and splashed it upon my face. The coolness of its touch ran through me, filling me with an unutterable magical energy and I smiled. I loved the water. I always have and will for eternity. It is my essence, almost the only truth to my façades.

The summer after seventh grade, when I was merely 13, I met two of my greatest friends: Yuki, who was nicknamed by Koujo and Koujo, who was nicknamed Kurayami no Koujo (Princess of Darkness) by Yuki. Both their names were derived from the true meaning of their English names. Then, there was me: Mizuko. My alias was self-given, but only a chosen few could use it. It meant Child of Water and was everything to me for not only did I love the water, I was also a Scorpio, of element water. Also, my real name, in Chinese, meant clear water.

~Now I see
~If I wear a mask
~I can fool the world
~But I cannot fool my heart

Looking up, I saw my face. My large, dark brown eyes peered back at me in my reflection. I loved the color of my eyes. They were dark brown, almost black, so dark I could barely see my pupils. The water hung on my eyelashes and my long black hair was hanging past my shoulders. I wore a black long sleeved shirt with the sleeves pulled up past my elbows and my glasses were off. Taking a paper towel, I wiped the water from my face and stared again into the depths of the mirror once more.

Slowly, the image of myself became foreign and I felt as if I was staring at someone else. Maybe this was how I felt most true to myself: when I felt most unlike my facades.

~Who is that girl I see
~Staring straight back at me?
~When will my reflection show
~Who I am inside?

All my life I had hid my desires from my parents. I dared not tell them what I truly wanted in fear of hurting them and, in turn, myself. Life continued in this way for many years and each day of my existence became near torture. Everyday, my heart would long for the truth I seek and everyday that truth would be denied. I hated every moment of that existence and did everything I could to escape it.

That was one of the reasons I met Koujo and Yuki. I had discovered Japanese animation, better known as Anime, and fell in love with it. We met on a message board and became friends after a while. Yuki was by far the most open though she had her troubles too. Her parents were horrible to her and sometimes she complained to me. Other times she simply told me about her art and her dreams for the future. I would always encourage her to follow her dreams as well as remind her things aren't always as easy as they seem to be. Her reply was always a more detailed version of her plans that made me feel she knew what she was doing.

As for Koujo, I knew from the start she was different from most people I associated with. There was this air around her that made me completely in awe for not only was she intelligent, she could easily express her thoughts. I admired her ability to write, but I admired more her ability to see things. I wanted to make friends with her but I also knew she was fragile and easily hurt. Luckily I knew from personal experience how to treat people gently, and in the end, we became good friends. However, she was not one to trust others easily and it was only until I had found out she and Yuki were pen pals that I was brave enough to ask her for her address. I was afraid she would refuse, but I still wanted to take our friendship into the real world and with my boldness, came rewards. She accepted my offer and we became friends. However, even with my newfound friends, my mentality didn't change: I was still the girl who feared both change and getting angry with her parents.

Even now, I dared not step out of this state of mind. Distinctly, I recalled an English lesson in my freshman year of high school. We were on a unit called "Search for Home" and the teacher had read us a small book entitled The Sea Thing Child. There was a stranded sea creature with colorful wings and a giant beak that drew circles in the sand to give itself a sense of protection on the foreign beach. These circles were a border that it put up to save itself from hurt, fear, and other emotions that gripped at the heart. Sometimes he even felt the need to built igloos - a series of circles stacked up three dimensionally. Finally, he was able to venture forth into the ocean and fly free, no longer afraid of its vastness and violence. The next day, the teacher told us to write in our journals about our circles and I wrote my thoughts down and kept them within my heart, never forgetting the lesson.

Thinking back, I guess I had known my circles all along; all I did were my circles. I feared stepping out of their protection and the consequences of my actions. My heart had been restricted by life and the views of society yet I was unwilling to step out, unwilling to put myself into a place where I felt foreign and uneasy.

~I am now
~In a world where I have to hide my heart
~And what I believe in
~But somehow
~I will show the world
~What's inside my heart
~And be loved for who I am

Then, I thought of Koujo and Yuki. Yuki had made her dream come true after college by living in Japan and teaching Kenpo Karate at a small dojo in Tokyo. She was enjoying herself and her life had so much meaning. Her art was what she lived for and she was one with her soul. Koujo was still in college, but she was a senior that year and would soon be able to step on a plane and fly to Japan to follow her dreams. Yuki told me Koujo had already bought the plane tickets and changed her What about my dreams? What have I done to follow my heart?

Blinking back tears, I realized how much I wished to step outside my many circles and set myself free like my friends have. I made a decision then. My mind had touched upon it for quite some time now but I had never really considered it consciously. Now, the idea shone though and lay in front of me like the sunlight that began to stream through the curtains on my window.

~Who is that girl I see
~Staring straight back at me?
~Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
~`Must I pretend that I'm
~Someone else for all time?
~When will my reflection show
~Who I am inside?

Hurriedly, I brushed my hair and pulled it into a neat braid. Usually, I wore my hair like that for not only was it the most comfortable, but also the neatest hairstyle. Unlike many other people I had known in high school, I didn't care too much about my hair. As long as it was neat and not driving me insane, I didn't bother tending to it. After getting ready for school, I rushed to the phone and dialed Yuki's number. I didn't care if it was long distance; I just had to get my idea out to her. I waited impatiently as the phone rang once... twice... and a soft voice picked up the phone. "Moshi Moshi!" [Moshi Moshi is how the Japanese greet each other on the phone.]

"Yuki?" I asked tentatively, hoping I got the right number. I had often dialed wrong numbers and experienced mortification in the past after realizing I was talking to the wrong person. It took me years before I realized it might be wise to make sure that you're talking to whom you think you're talking to before jumping into conversation.

"Hai," said the voice on the other end. It was short and sweet.

With a sigh of relief, I smiled and said, "It's me, Mizuko. I need you're help on a crazy plan that I thought of, like, two minutes ago."

Silence filled the few-thousand-mile gap between us for a second. Then, Yuki's voice replied curiously, "What's you're plan?"

Nervously I told her how I had been thinking about my past and how I felt trapped for so long this morning and how the thought came to me. Then, I told her since I was taking Japanese in school, maybe I could step out of my circles by attending Tokyo University as an exchange student and wondered if she could help me with my crazy plan.

Yuki was silent for a while, and then she said, "I don't see why not. I'll get you the forms and stuff. When do you need it by?"

"I guess in a few months. That's when I plan to sign up for the program. And if you find a good place to stay, e-mail me, K?"

"Sure," she replied and I could almost see her shrug. "Well, I gotta go. It's getting late and I need to get up early to go to work."

"K, well, love ya! Bye!" I said.

"Bye," she said and hung up the phone.

When I heard the click, I hung up also and began to get ready for class.

~There's a heart that must be free to fly
~That burns with a need to know the reason why
~Why must we all conceal
~What we think
~How we feel
~Must there be a secret me
~I'm forced to hide?

I had my first class at eight, which meant I had almost an hour left. Pulling back the curtains, I looked out the window at the sunrise. The dewdrops glistened in the light of dawn and everything seemed so lovely. It was autumn and the leaves in New England had begun to turn various shades of orange, red, and yellow, fiery colors that contrasted perfectly with the cool weather of the season. Putting on a velvet shirt of deep violet and my usual jeans, I stepped into the restroom again to gaze upon my reflection.

This time, it stared back at me and I could see my past in it. However, there was a new light in my eyes now. I seemed almost happier. Knowing in my mind I was finally able to set myself free, I decided to go for a nice stroll on the campus before school started. Grabbing my CD player and CDs of Escaflowne songs a friend had given me on my 15th birthday, I set out with my books for class.

~I won't pretend that I'm
~Someone else
~For all time
~When will my reflection show
~Who I am inside?
~When will my reflection show
~Who I am inside?

As I walked though the campus of my college, admiring the lovely foliage, and feeling unusually refreshed. I undid the braid I had done just 15 minutes before and allowed the wind to toy with my hair as it does with the autumn leaves. My footsteps were light and happy, my heart soared free at last.