The Adventures of Hoopy:

Hoopy and the Noodles of Doom

Cast of Characters:

Hoopy: Cheerful, however, not particularly bright young boy

Mr. Waiter Person: Self-explanatory.  He is the waiter person.

Happy: Hoopy’s friend; the name says it all.

Some Guy in Asia Named Bob: Obviously, he is some guy in Asia named Bob

Some Guy From Asia Named Bob: Apparently, he is some guy from Asia named Bob.  Often otherwise known as Bob.  Not to be confused with Some Guy in Asia Named Bob.

Dr. Zirconium: He is the “evil man.”  Corny British accent included.

Setting: Hoopy and Happy are seated in Apegthakakialakanookian’s Noodle House, waiting for their food to be brought to them.

Hoopy: Hello, dear friend.

Happy: Hello, cherished companion.

Hoopy: Happy, I am unique.  Are you unique?  You should be unique.

Happy: Sadly, I am not unique; I am, however, quite laudable.  Being laudable is far better than being unique.

Hoopy: Huh?

Happy: Allow me to illustrate my point, beloved comrade. (Happy stands behind the table, across from Hoopy, and descends upon an invisible staircase before ascending on an invisible elevator.)

Hoopy: Wow!  You are, indeed, distinguished, Happy.

Happy: Thank you, Hoopy, although I knew that was already true.  Here comes our food: the magnificent noodles we wisely ordered.

Enter Mr. Waiter Person

Mr. Waiter Person: Here are your noodles, sirs, and we hope you enjoy them!

Hoopy and Happy: Thank you, Mr. Waiter Person!

Exit Mr. Waiter Person

Hoopy: (Begins eating noodles) These, are, indeed, precious helper, incredible noodles; therefore, I must keep one forevermore as a memento of these noodles and of this wondrous day.

Happy: Hoopy, I believe there is something in your noodles. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Hoopy:  AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Some Guy in Asia Named Bob: AAAAHHHHHHH!

Enter Dr. Zirconium

Dr. Zirconium: (Laughs evilly, chokes, then continues to laugh evilly until he stops laughing evilly) Indeed, my peachy noodle friends, you cannot fight the Noodles of Doom!!!

Hoopy: Yes, I can!  No, I can’t!  Yes, I can!  No, I can’t!  Yes, I can!  No, I can’t!  Yes, I can!  No, I can’t!  Yes, I can!  No, I-

Dr. Zirconium: Make up your mind; we do need to continue the plot, you popsicle eater.

Happy: How dare you call Hoopy a popsicle eater?

Dr. Zirconium: (shrugs) I’m the evil person; I can call people what I wish.

Happy: That’s not fair.

Hoopy: NOOOOO!!!!  YOU MUST RESCUE ME FROM THE NOODLES OF DOOM!

Enter Some Guy From Asia Named Bob

Some Guy From Asia Named Bob: Do not worry, my pencil-ish friends!  I have come to the rescue!

Dr. Zirconium: Noooo!  You will not ruin my plans!

Enter Mr. Waiter Person

Mr. Waiter Person: I don’t understand; why Hoopy and Happy?

Dr. Zirconium: I see that I must inculcate you fools the plot and why I have plotted carefully to present Hoopy with the Noodles of Doom!!!!!  Once upon a time, my ice-cream-covered pasta friends, there was an immense Noodle that gave birth to the aforementioned Noodles of Doom.  Several years ago, I was alone in my laboratory when I discovered the Noodles of Doom.  Because the plot is to attack Hoopy and Happy with the Noodles of Doom, I decided to do precisely that.

Happy: I tire of this twaddle and of your pompous fanfaronade.

Hoopy: Gee, Happy, big words make you sound smart!

Happy: I comprehend not the meaning of this minutia.

Dr. Zirconium: I comprehend not the meaning of the words coming out of your mouth.

Happy: Too bad, for it is all a fallacy, and I shall not elucidate.

Mr. Waiter Person: Ahh… from us poets, the words emanate and emasculate when heard by ignorant ears, for to them, words are extrinsic, while to the artistes, they are lissome.  Indeed, tatterdemalions cannot perpend, their only ability being the ability to confuse a listener with their palaver, from which the pain in the ears cannot be palliated.

Hoopy: NOODLES OF DOOM!  NOODLES OF DOOM!  NOOOOOOO!!!  AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  GO AWAY!!!!!!

Exit Noodles of Doom

Happy: Golly Gee, Hoopy, that sure was Swell!  Jolly job!

Dr. Zirconium: NOOOOOOOO!  My plans are ruined!  Ruined!  I must now prepare to send other omens of your downfall!  Be mindful!

Hoopy: I don’t get it.  What downfall?  I don’t hold a “position of power.”  How could I have a downfall?

Dr. Zirconium: I care not!  It is what villains are required to say at the end of each plot unless they are destroyed!  It is in The Villains’ Guidebook on page 98,846,223,614 in paragraph 2, sentence 3,442!

Hoopy: Please go away!

Exit Dr. Zirconium

This is the end of Hoopy and the Noodles of Doom.  Tune in next time for The Adventures of Hoopy II!