The Adventures of Hoopy III:
Hoopy and the Magical Mystical Orange of ACK!

(Author’s Note: I wrote this borrowing my friend Marissa’s characters.  They’re the ones you don’t recognize, except for the goon and dumb characters like that.  She and I tried to write this dialogue using the same basic plot.  It was very very funny =P)

Cast of Characters:

Hoopy: Cheerful, however, not particularly bright young boy

Happy: Hoopy’s friend; the name says it all.

Dr. Zirconium: He is the “evil man.”  Corny British accent included.  His ingenious plans are constantly failing because Hoopy must not die until the end of this series.  In other words, he will always fail.

Goon: Random unintelligent goon underling working for Dr. Zirconium.

Guru Guy: A wise guru (or so he thinks)

James Cond: A wonderfully intelligent secret agent (or so he thinks)

I.M. Bob: A distinguished, world-renowned geologist.

Mr. Evil Person: An ingenious criminal mastermind (or so he thinks). Smarter than James Cond, Guru Guy, and IM Bob put together, it is a wonder that he constantly fails in his evil concoctions.

The Evil Sock: A sock that sits and stares at the group

Elizabeth:  She is a writer of the series, and therefore an omnipotent author, and is responsible for all happenings.  All bow down to her.  She is one of the two heiresses of Slytherin, which does not, in any way, relate to this story.

Marissa: She is the other writer of the series, and therefore a co-omnipotent author, and is responsible for all happenings.  All bow down to her.  She is one of the two heiresses of Slytherin, which does not, in any way, relate to this story.

*Guru Guy drags James Cond and I.M. Bob to the Kingdom of ACK! to meditate on the pointy tip of the Castle of NEE!*

James Cond: Watch! Have you ever met anyone else who could shove two chicken nuggets AND a French fry into his nose?!

*Silence*

Guru Guy: Hmmm… no.

*More silence*

*Guru Guy, I.M. Bob, and James Cond arrive at the pointy tip of the Castle of NEE!*

~In the pointy tip of the Castle of NEE!~

*Marissa and Elizabeth are ecstatically using staple guns to staple up cranberries*

James Cond: *staring at all the cranberries* Oooooh, shiny…

*Guru Guy, I.M. Bob, and James Cond stare at the cranberries*

*Hoopy and Happy suddenly crash through the roof*

*CRASH!*

Hoopy: I don’t think we’re in Georgia anymore, Happy.

Happy: We were never in Georgia, Hoopy.

Hoopy: Oh, yeah.

Happy: I think we took the wrong roller coaster.

Hoopy: It’s your fault.

Happy: YOU chose the line to stand in!

Hoopy: I thought it was the line for hot dogs!

Happy: *raises eyebrow and then points at Guru Guy* LOOK!  His shirt says, “Cheese is funny!”

Hoopy: *points at James Cond* His says, “Cheese is…”

I.M. Bob: *points at himself* AND HIS SAYS “CHEESE IS COND’S BRAIN”!!!!!

All: O.o

Hoopy: GUESS WHAT MY SHIRT SAYS!!!!

Guru Guy: *looks at Hoopy’s shirt* It says, “Cheese am Jolly”.

Hoopy: HEY!  HOW’D YOU KNOW THAT?

Guru Guy: It’s written on your shirt.

Hoopy: Oh.

Happy: MINE SAYS “Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese”!!!!

All: Okeyday.

James Cond: *to Elizabeth* What does yours say?

Elizabeth: *gives James Cond an odd look* It says, “Cheese hats you”.

All: o.O

Elizabeth: *shrugs* I am sentient to the fact that the person who stamped that on the shirt was illiterate.  However, it was on sale; thus, I unhesitatingly purchased it.

All: *in an understanding manner* Oooooooohhh!

James Cond: *to Marissa* And what does yours say?

Marissa: “Cheese is good on pizza”!

I.M. Bob: Why?

Marissa: I’M! NOT! TELLING! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hoopy: No, really, why?

Marissa: Because it’s true.  Also, I’m hungry.  Come on, Elizabeth!

Elizabeth: I’m hungry, too.

*Marissa and Elizabeth walk up several staircases into the Tower of ACK! in the Castle of NEE!*

~In the Tower of ACK!~

Elizabeth: Hey, look at that orange!!!  *points at the orange, which is orange and is resting upon a table; the sign next to it says “Here lies the Magical Mystical Orange of ACK!”*

Marissa: Oh, an orange!!!!

Elizabeth: Ooooohhhh!!!!

*Elizabeth and Marissa grin evilly*

*Elizabeth and Marissa eat the Magical Mystical Orange of ACK!*

Elizabeth: Now we have to replace it with something.

Marissa: Why?

Elizabeth: Because otherwise, people will be really sensitive to the fact that it was stolen!

Marissa: I still think it’s pointless.  Don’t forget to be precise about where you put the decoy.

*Elizabeth puts a paper cutter on the table, tops it with a dollop of whipped cream, and drops a cherry on top.  She then puts the sign next to the paper cutter*

Elizabeth: There!  Now nobody will notice!

Marissa: *in a satisfied manner* Yep!

*Hoopy, Happy, I.M. Bob, Guru Guy, and James Cond step out of the elevator*

Elizabeth: WHAT?  THERE WAS AN ELEVATOR?

Guru Guy: Yep!

*Elizabeth looks angry*

James Cond: Hey, look at the orange!  *points at the paper cutter*

Elizabeth: MOO!

Marissa: NEE!

Elizabeth: BOING!

Hoopy: Eh?

*The Evil Sock stares at everyone*

*Dr. Zirconium and Mr. Evil Guy leap into the room through a window*

Dr. Zirconium: Prepare for trouble!

Mr. Evil Guy: Make it double!

Dr. Zirconium: To protect the world from devastation!

Mr. Evil Guy: To unite all peoples within our nation!

Dr. Zirconium: To denounce the evils of truth and love!

Mr. Evil Guy: To extend our reach to the stars above!

Dr. Zirconium: Jessie!  Wait, I mean… Dr. Zirconium!

Mr. Evil Guy: James!

James Cond: Yeah, what?

Mr. Evil Guy: I mean… Mr. Evil Guy!

Dr. Zirconium: Team Cheese, bake pizza at the speed of light!

Mr. Evil Guy: Surrender now, or prepare to fight!

The Evil Sock: Sock!  That’s right!

Dr. Zirconium: Now, give us that Pikachu!

Hoopy: Huh?

*The Evil Sock stares at everyone*

I.M. Bob: Ahhh!!!  He’s staring at me!

Elizabeth: *in an absent-minded manner* He has a crush on you…

*I.M. Bob screams in horror*

Guru Guy: SCREAMING IS NOT THE ANSWER!

Marissa: GABOINGABOINGABOINGABOING!!

Elizabeth: ZONK!

*All look at Marissa and Elizabeth in apprehension*

Dr. Zirconium: Hey, stepping out of character for a sec, was our motto, like, really cool?

Happy: No, it was a pathetic ripoff of Team Rocket from the Pokemon series.

*The Evil Sock stares at everyone*

Mr. Evil Guy: Darn, they figured it out.

Dr. Zirconium: Oh, well, better luck next time.

Mr. Evil Guy: *points at paper cutter* Hey, look at the orange!

Dr. Zirconium: Hey!  That’s not the orange we put there!

Elizabeth: GABLONKERS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Marissa: FREEOWW!!! POW POW POW!!! ZIPPO!

*Mr. Evil Guy and Dr. Zirconium stare at Elizabeth and Marissa in awe*

Dr. Zirconium: *in a whiny tone* They stole our orange!!!!

Hoopy: They were hungry.

*The Evil Sock stares at everyone*

Guru Guy: What was the orange for?

Mr. Evil Guy: I can’t tell you.  I swore the Secret Oath of Not Telling Anybody About the Magical Mystical Orange of ACK! Because It Is Top Secret.

Guru Guy: *turns to Dr. Zirconium* What about you?

*Dr. Zirconium proceeds to explain all scientific principles and theories behind the creation of the Magical Mystical Orange of ACK!*

~Several Days Later…~

Dr. Zirconium: …So that’s how we created the seed-thingies…

~Several Weeks Later…~

Dr. Zirconium: … And that’s how it works!

Mr. Evil Guy: Oh!!!!!

Dr. Zirconium: *nodding impressively* Yes…

Mr. Evil Guy: Waaaaaaiiiiiiit a minute!  Didn’t you swear the Secret Oath of Not Telling Anybody About the Magical Mystical Orange of ACK! Because It Is Top Secret?

Dr. Zirconium: Uh, no.

Mr. Evil Guy: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

*Everybody else awakens suddenly*

Hoopy: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*The Evil Sock stares at everyone*

*Enter Goon*

Goon: HIIIIIIIII, EVERYONE!  IIIIII LIIIIIIIIIIKE CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!

*Exit Goon*

Elizabeth: THAT’S THE KNEE-SLAPPINGEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!

Mr. Evil Guy: HAHHAHAHAHAHA… *coughs* Dr. Zirconium, you’d better teach me that mad scientist laugh again.

*Dr. Zirconium teaches Mr. Evil Guy how to do the mad scientist laugh*

Mr. Evil Guy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Dr. Zirconium:  No, no, no!  It’s MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  You have to really cause some turmoil!!  Horrify the people!  And burp whenever you wish!  But always say “excuse me” when you do!

Mr. Evil Guy: *blinks* MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…  *coughs*

Hoopy: We’re gonna be here for a while, aren’t we?

Elizabeth: YEP!!! *beams delightedly*

*Everyone sighs at Dr. Zirconium teaches Mr. Evil Guy the mad scientist laugh*

~After a While~

Marissa: I think there’s a giant partition in his head that separates his brain, which is probably not visible, from, ummm… something…

*Everybody puzzles over this interesting statement*

Hoopy: Not visible from his ear?

*The Evil Sock stares at everyone*

Marissa: Yeah!  That’s it!

Dr. Zirconium: I had a question, but you made me forget.

Mr. Evil Guy: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dr. Zirconium: Oh, yeah!  WHY… DID… YOU… TAKE… OUR… ORANGE?!?!

Elizabeth: It was trying to escape from the medium upon which it was placed.  So we just ate it.

Marissa: Plus, we were hungry.

Elizabeth: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWOK!

I.M. Bob: Now I’ve got to agonize over the how!!!

James Cond: WHY, BOB, WHY?!?!

*I.M. Bob shrugs*

*Enter Goon*

Goon: Wasn’t this episode supposed to be about the Socks of Death, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: Yeah, but I changed my mind.

Goon: Oh, okay then!

*Goon kicks everyone out of the Tower of ACK! and fixes the satellite dish resting on top*

Goon: Actually, they’re changing to cable now because of all the commotion…

Shut up!  I’m the narrator, and I’m never wrong!

*Goon cowers in the corner*

Anyways, this concludes this episode of The Adventures of Hoopy!  If there is some resemblance to anything at all, then J!!!!  Tune in next time for The Adventures of Hoopy IV!!!