Lauren, Jon, Tamara, and Amy Go To Boarding School

Chapter 1: British School

Co-Authors: Tamara (gurlie gal), Jon (Biohazard666); Amy’s too stupid lol—just kiddin Amy

A/N – These stories that I’m writing, if people think they’re funny enough (in some insane, crazed, slightly racist way), will take place in the following countries: England, Ireland, USA, Russia, China, Japan, and Mexico. (Not necessarily in that order :D ) The jokes in it might seem slightly racist, but all you have to do is pretend that you’re from Antarctica. No offense is meant in these jokes.

Chapter 1: England

*Lauren = Me. That’s really me. Though I’ve never gone to boarding school. I/She acts very very violent and slightly gothic-y.

*Jon = …Jon. He’s hyperactive and smart and…I can add on to this later.

*Tamara = …Well she’s smart and optimistic and VERY sarcastic.

*Amy = Amy. She laughs at anything and is usually quiet but can be violent like me or like Tamara. She’s also very shy and seems bewildered very often. (a.k.a she hardly EVER speaks up in front of a group of people she doesn’t know, unless she’s forced to.)

All of the above people are real (duh, it’d be kind of pathetic if they weren’t) but obviously, we haven’t been to boarding school, and none of this really happened (except, like, the Brits were mean to me and little stuff like that).

Anyway, let’s begin!!

~~~

Lauren: Jon?

Jon: Yes?

Lauren: WILL YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHY WE’RE ON A PLANE TO ENGLAND INSTEAD OF MEXICO???

Jon: …It’s not my fault! It’s my cousins fault!!

Tamara: Sure, Jon.

Amy: Suuuuuuuuuuuure.

*They’re on an airplane to England, as you might have noticed. They’re going to the new boarding school. (Duh.)*

Lauren: *pulls out her Linkin Park cd*

Jon: *pulls out his Faye Wong cd*

L & J: *both look at the only cd player and then give each other the evil eye*

L& J: *snatch for the cd player*

Tamara: Muahahaha! *holds the cd player*

Lauren: *in a British accent* Damn you woman!!

Jon: Why are you talking like you’re English?

Lauren: Because I’m getting ready to greet our new…friends. *big smile*

Amy: But you don’t like the British.

Lauren: You don’t know thaaaaaat!!!!

Tamara: Yes we do. When you visited they made fun of you.

Lauren: *in an evil scientist voice* Ah yesssssss…. *Tamara and Amy gulp frightenedly*

Jon: Look! There’s land! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Amy: QUIET, FOO!

Lauren: Amy we are not black.

Amy: We’re Mexican!!

(Amy and Jon are Hispanic; Tamara and Lauren are…white.)

Lauren: Well, now we just have to pray that the country won’t be overtaken by monkeys when we get there.

Amy: That was extremely random.

Tamara: AAAUGH!! NOT THE DAMN MONKEYS!! *runs, screaming, into the lavatory and locks the door as people stare at her*

Jon: Not as random as that…

*Twenty minutes later she rejoins them and they resume doing nothing as if nothing had happened*

*The plane lands and they are taken to their new school. By the way, they’re all 13 (except Amy, she’s 11).*

Lauren: *when they enter* What a high-class place…Jesus, how’d we afford getting in this place??

Jon: *grins evilly * Well, now that we’re here…

Headmistress: Excuse me.

Jon: …we can quietly go to our classes like good little children.

Headmistress: You’re the new students?

All: Yep.

Headmistress: Good…Here are your schedules. Your dorm rooms are listed on the paper. *The Headmistress tells them all about the school*

*The four go and find their rooms. Afterwards (they arrived at 6 p.m.) they meet in the big entrance hall.*

Lauren: Well, now that we’re here…

Other Student: Hello. *In a British accent, might we add.*

Lauren: *In a British accent to the new kid* Hello there, old chap, how are you? Lovely little place here, isn’t it? Do you know where we can watch the telly?

O.S: If you’re making fun of us…

Lauren: *still in British accent* Oh no, dear old chap. Do you happen to know when tea time is?

Tamara: Shut up. We don’t wanna get in trouble.

Lauren: *turns to Tamara, still in accent* Really now, dear old chap? We don’t? *sees all her friend’s stony faces and drops the accent, turning to the new kid* Sorry kid…I didn’t mean to do that. I was commanded by my father Satan to do so. *mutters* It was instinct.

O.S: *burps in Lauren’s face (shows what kind of sick humor I like)* Oh sorry, dear girl, I did not mean to burp at you. I was commanded to do so by my father Jesus Christ. Besides, it was natural instinct. *He walks away.*

Lauren: WHY THAT LITTLE—

Amy: Hey, it says on the schedule that “tea timeâ€