The Preppy Chronicles~ the fictional, yet somewhat truthful side of Candy, Xander, and my lifestyles.

Issue 1~

I walk throught the preppy-filled hallways, getting the suffocatin stench of preppy juice (perfume) all over the air around me and the sounds of the dreaded preppy talk (phrases such as "Ohmigod!" and "Like, no way!") ring profoundly in my ears.

What is a preppy? Well, preppies are those creatures (they can't be human) that know next to nothing, like to live the "preppy life" (stuck up, get what they want all the time), love to dunk themselves in preppy juice, preppy glue (fruit smelling lotion), and lip-gloss, and they are wannabe Valley things.

Back to the preppy report. I walk through the preppy-filled halls (as I explained earlier) and walked past a particular locker that reeked of "Preppy Survival Mechanisms" (P.S.M.s). The locker was home to one Rachel Smith. Rachel Smith is the infamous leader of the preppies. Unlike those who actually keep school things in their school lockers, Rachel (along with her preppish followers) keeps P.S.M.s. One shelf has preppy glue and preppy juice, on has lip-gloss and other sparkling, eye-blinding glitter things, and the last has a book filled with their friends' names (all spelled wrong) and phone numbers and a copy of "Vogue". Hiding behind all the preppy stuff, there is a switch that opens a door that leads to the Preppy H.Q. Thousands upon thousands of shelves filled with glittery things, doo- dads, and P.S.M.s line the walls. They have rooms filled with magazines (mostly "Seventeen", "Cosmopolitan" and such) are called "Preppy Libraries".

Anway, Rachel was flipping the switch to the H.Q. just as I walked by. Rachel immediately slammed her locker and gave me the "Preppy Glare" (a disgusting face that goes along with a high-pitched squeal). I looked at her with a questionable look and put on my glasses. She then started to squeal her preppy cry.

"Where did the freak go?!" she shrieked, and all of her cronies started to shriek the same.

She and her preppy followers quickly forgot what they were looking for whent one of the preppies said, "We're all late for our glitter bath!".

Allow me to explain why the Queen of the Preppies lost me. I put on my glasses. Preppies can't see people with smart item with them. Just like dogs are color-blind, preppies are intelligent-blind.

Anywho, I'm thinking that we (the severely anti-preppy) should go into Preppy H.Q. and destroy the P.S.M.s. I rely on my friends, Candy and Xander (nicknames), to help me accomplish this.

PLAN: We all know that using big words and complex theories makes preppies' heads explode, and intelligent items make us invisible. Going into Preppy H.Q. is simple. We wear something intelligent (like a pocket protector, glasses, a dictionary, hgih-water pants) and we will get in just fine. Then, we destroy the P.S.M.s.

"What if we get caught?" demands Candy.

Simple, my friend. All we have to do is say, "Did you know that if you multiply 194 by 491 you get 95,254? And if you divide that by 3,307 you get 29? And Potassium is good for you! Potassium can be found in bananas! And Francium is the most metallic element on the periodic table!" The preppy's head will explode like it is full of gun powder and you lit a match next to them.

"How do we get in?" Xander asks.

Even simpler. Put on your intelligent item and wait by Rachel's locker until she somes to go into Preppy H.Q. Follow her closely inside and then wander around tormenting the preppies.

Of course, we'll need someone to go in first to check things out. I am ready and willing to go. If i get caught, you will know.

"How will we know?" inquired Candy.

You will hear their shrieks and you will hear them yelling, "Anti-Us in...in...this place!". That's when you get the chessboard and barge in. Chess is a logic game, and, being preppies, they have no logic. All they know is make-up and hair. If you show them a chessboard, it will have the same effect as giving them big words and complex theories.

"When will we put our plan into action? And where will our H.Q. be?" Xander asks.

We will put our plan into action as soon as possible. Our H.Q. will be in the (dramatic music plays)...the A.V. Lab.

Stay tuned for more issues of "The Preppy Chronicles". You will be getting the next issue as soon as I feel like continuing this little escapade.