What it feels like is that nothing can be good again.

But that is a lie.

There is something better, but no one can see it.

I can feel her hate and her love.

She who I had to my own.

She who I never had.

What happened?

Do I have to feel this way?

Is this what angels do to man?

The way this feels makes you fear existence.

The way this feels makes you want to destroy.

God does only two things.

Create and destroy.

She was a servant of God.

Part of the flock.

I was the heathen.

I was immoral.

I was the plague of the world to her.

She kissed me still.

And all of the people watching me as if I were in a movie tell me that they could have been better
for me.

They say this as they choke the hands of their perfect men.

I'm too foolish.

If this were a game, she'd be the winner.

If this were her movie, I'd be an extra.

She ruined me.

I just sit here now, a puppet for life.

Eating.

Sleeping.

Jerking off.

A little statue of man.

Guts in a can.

I can never create that which is cherished.

I can never destroy anything but myself.

I'll never be the God of anything.

I'll never amount to her perfect world.

Her perfect world is without me.

Nothing can ever be as perfect as you want.

All things decompose.

I want to cleave the bark of a thousand year old tree.

I want to take a bat to an old model car.

I want to destroy a preserved landmark.

The way this feels, I want to fight an army.

The way this feels, I want to fuck an angel.

I want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and curse at God.

Demand reason.

Demand respect.

Demand good for all man.

Demand peace for all.

He wouldn't care.

God would just look at me like I'm stupid.

I can never take back what I had with her.

She ruined me.

She ruined my emotions.

RUINER!

She hated me with her tongue in my mouth!

She was ashamed of me with her hand around my cock!

Now she's gone!

I can't let myself miss her!

I can't let myself remember her smile!

I can't let myself remember her touch!

I can't let myself remember her voice!

Her voice when she said she loved me.

Her lie.

God must hate me.

At least his angel does.