AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is something I made up for my uncle and aunt when they had a baby two years ago. Yes, I like to make up commercials selling weird products...just look at MARCELLA'S CHICK FLICK PROOF MASCARA and FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS MARRY YANKEES FANS. Also note that I'm not REALLY in favor of a product that would do this...I just think it's funny to write about. :) If, by the end of the commercial, you don't know what this is a parody OF...well...how do I put this gently...you need to be a little more observant.

RATED: G

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THE AUTOMATIC VELCRO BABYSITTER

Shot of a mother feeding her baby. The phone rings in the other room and the mother goes crazy trying to answer it because she can't leave her baby alone.

VOICE-OVER
Oh, no! The phone's ringing and you can't leave your baby to get to it! Don't you wish you could have a babysitter on hand all the time?

The mother nods at the screen.

VOICE-OVER
Now you can! Introducing The Automatic Velcro Babysitter!

Shot of a square of Velcro about 3' by 3'. A baby wrapped in a Velcro blanket is then seen being stuck on it.

VOICE-OVER
Just put your baby into the soft Velcro blanket,

Shot of the mother doing so.

VOICE-OVER
And fasten the hard Velcro to the wall.

Shot of the mother screwing the Velcro to the wall.

VOICE-OVER
Now when that package comes,

Doorbell rings.

VOICE-OVER
You won't have to worry about where to put the baby!

The mother sticks the baby on the Automatic Velcro Babysitter and gets the package.

VOICE-OVER
Other imitation products are unrelaiable!

Shot of a baby falling off a product similar to The Automatic Velcro Babysitter.

Shot of a similar product falling off the wall altogether with the baby still on it.

VOICE-OVER
But The Automatic Velcro Babysitter will never fall! It's perfect for Mr. Mom to take to work!

Shot of a father in the office with his baby sitting in The Automatic Velcro Babysitter on his wall.

VOICE-OVER
It's cheaper than daycare!

A mother is doing some work on a laptop computer with her baby in The Automatic Velcro Babysitter on the wall.

VOICE-OVER
Similar products cost up to $90! But The Automatic Velcro Babysitter is YOURS for only $19.95. But wait! There's more! Call within the next ten minutes and you'll get a SECOND Automatic Velcro Babysitter FREE! Perfect for twins!

A mother sticks her twins on two Automatic Velcro Babysitters she has hanging on her wall.

VOICE-OVER
Here's how to order!

MAN TALKING VERY FAST
To order The Automatic Velcro Babysitter send cash, check, or money order to Automatic Velcro Babysitter PO Box 1999 Malibu CA Sorry no COD's offer expires May 27th 2002.