Dr. Dork (Tries to) Take Over the World!

“This time, I shall succeed!” cackled Dr. Dork, “I shall turn the entire human race into a populace of underachieving losers!”

            Cranberry the Raisin awakened with a start as his alarm’s irritating beeping rang through his weary head.  Reaching over his bed, he slammed his hand down upon the offending alarm, only to find that his disaster alarm was ringing and not his alarm clock.  Like greased lightning, the now-alert raisin rolled out of bed and sprinted to his intricate control panel.  Frowning, he realized that he did not know which button would turn off the deafening alarm.  He signed and knew that he would never be able to figure out if having a well-heeled sponsor to buy his props for him would benefit him.  With a puzzled grimace, Cranberry began pressing random buttons in hope that one of them would shut off the din.  Finally he found a large red button labeled, “Disaster Alarm,” and pressed it.

            “You have two disasters waiting for you,” stated a flat machine voice.  “Sunday, February 17, 2002: We are out of pizza.

            “Sunday, February 17, 2002 –” Then, the machine reverted to a record of Dr. Dork’s voice.  “This time I shall succeed!” cackled the voice, “I shall turn the entire human race into a populace of underachieving losers!”

            “Uh-oh,” worried Cranberry.

            “What should we do?” asked Marshmallow the Chocolate Bar, his partner in action, stepping through the iron doors,” I came as soon as I heard.”

            “Maybe we should buy more pizza,” replied Cranberry, putting his foot in it.

            “Don’t talk through your hat, Cranberry,” admonished Marshmallow, “Didn’t you pay any attention to the handwriting on the wall?”  Seeing Cranberry’s confusion at the use of idioms, Marshmallow complained that Cranberry was a pain in the neck and tiredly clarified the meaning of his idioms.

            “No, I’ve been putting on the dog,” Cranberry responded.

            “For whom?” asked Marshmallow.

            “For the readers! Duh!  Anyways, I think we should stop Dr. Dork!”

            “You’ve hit the nail on the head!”

            “He’ll be flat on his back! By hook or crook, we’ll get him!”

            “You have one disaster waiting for you,” cried the alarm, “You are out of soda.” 

            Meanwhile, Dr. Dork cackled evilly as he drank the last of the soda.  He would have continued cackling had he not choked and required the aid of two goons to keep him alive until the plot had come to a resolution.  As always, the antagonist is not permitted to die until after the climax; thus, Dr. Dork would not have died either way.  Annoyed by such minutia, Dr. Dork ignored the remainder of the narrative and aimed his enormous laser ray at the earth; perhaps the author failed to mention that Dr. Dork dwelled in the dark vacuum of outer space.  While he prepared himself for the complicated task of pressing the button that would activate the laser ray and turn the humans into losers, Cranberry and Marshmallow rushed through the door.

            “How did you get in here?” demanded Dr. Dork, mad as a wet hen, “I thought you lived on Earth!”

            “Plot hole,” replied Marshmallow with a shrug, “Does that ring a bell?”

            Dr. Dork cogitated copiously for a moment.  “No,” he replied.

            “Who cares?” demanded Cranberry, “Now, say ‘uncle’ and let us pay the piper!  We’ve burned your bridges!”

            “Remember, you pay!” stated Dr. Dork rather unintelligently.  Cranberry and Marshmallow rolled their eyes in perfect unison and explained the meaning of the idioms.  By the time they were finished explaining, Dr. Dork’s final answer was, “No!”

            “Is that your final answer?” asked Cranberry from his swivel chair.

            Dr. Dork gazed at his screen.  “Yes,” he replied, “but how did we get here?”

            Marshmallow grinned.  “Dr. Dork, meet Plot Hole Number Two!!!!” he announced as the plot hole entered and bowed, then exited the arena.

            “Arena?” asked Dr. Dork, “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

            “Of course you don’t!” responded Marshmallow in an incredibly annoyingly cheerful manner, “You’re not supposed to!”

            “Huh?” asked Dr. Dork.

            Then, a lion entered the arena, devoured Dr. Dork, and scurried out again.

            Later, Cranberry and Marshmallow sat in their secret hideout, or the cardboard box under the freeway, and had a pizza party with pizza and soda, congratulating themselves on a job admirably done.

Author’s Note: This is my idiom story, which I actually turned in.  I don’t remember what grade I got on it, but it was very good.  Made me happy.

Find the idioms and get a cookie!