The sting of the past turned upon me
As I weep tears of blood
As I weep for what could have been
And as I look to the sky
Hoping for an answer
I always think we understand
Something that I will never know
The meaning of the world
The meaning I inject into my hopeless little life
There is nothing left for me
Because I am tainted.
What could I have done?
There's nothing
Because there's never anything
I look back at myself
Not knowing
Not understanding
Wishing to find the answer.
The answer is not
In me
Or anywhere I think to look.
What have I done?
Too much
Too soon
Not soon enough
Keeping secrets
Twisting secrets
Burning out what I have begun to feel.
I am a monster
I am my own demon
Rend and tear
Destroy the soul
Leaving you almost crushed
Lonely, betrayed, raped, bleeding
The monster in me
Rising to the surface
Then leaving me
I am the monster
But it leaves me thinking...
Wishing things had been different
Leaving me held prisoner
To those two terrible words...
If only.