Hey! It's me again. Got another story. This one is real. All this stuff really happened to me. I kinda changed how it happened because the real way was a little to confusing. I just needed to vent some feelings. Hope you enjoy it!

***

I was sitting on my bed. School was finally over. I put on some music. I was feeling pretty happy today. I picked up a pencil and looked around for my notebook.

'Where the hell is it?'

I checked under my bed.

"Geez. I can't find anything under here! Maybe I should clean."

I put my pencil down and took some stuff out from under my bed. I saw a wooden box.

" box I made in 7th grade."

I opened it up. Inside were my birthday cards from last year. My smile turned into a frown. I picked up a card from my 'friend' Cassie.

***

Cassie moved here in 6th grade. She didn't talk to me at all that year because she made cheerleading. Then in 7th grade she didn't make it. That's when we talked. We became really good friends. In 8th grade she made cheerleading again. I tried to talk to her, but she ignored me.

***

I sighed and picked up another card. I growled and tore it to pieces when I saw who it was from. This card was from Laura.

***

We met in 3rd grade. Laura was really cool and really nice. We were friends until 7th grade. In 7th grade we became best friends. We were inseparable. Laura was always at my house. I was always at her house. I went on vacation with her about 2 weeks after my 13th birthday. It was so awesome. We went to New York on her boat. That was the last time we ever hung out. After our trip to New York she went to Seattle to visit her family. She called me when she got home so we could see if we had any of the same classes. All we had was gym and lunch. But that wasn't going to stop us from being friends.

Right?

Wrong! I don't know what happened. She never called me. I tried calling her, but she was never home. At school I tried to talk to her. She would ignore me. The only thing she ever said to me was "Eww! You painted your nails black? What a freak!"

***

I picked up another card. I looked at it and felt some tears run across my cheek. This card was from Kelly.

***

Kelly and I met in 1st grade when I moved here. We became friends in 2nd grade. In 7th grade we were really good friends and in 8th grade we were like sisters.

At least that's what I thought.

I felt like she was slipping away like most of my friends. I know she has other friends so I ignored that feeling. Whenever I was down about my friends I would think about Kelly. I would remind myself that she was my best friend.

How I was so wrong.

It was the last week of school. I was sitting in art class. The teacher put on a movie, but no one paid attention to it. Jackie and Carrie wanted to play tic-tac-toe. Carrie took a paper out of her purse and they played. A few minutes later they stopped. I took the paper to draw on. Class was almost over. I was about to push it back to Carrie, but I wanted to know what it was. I opened the paper up and quickly closed it once I saw the words 'Kelly's Graduation Party'. I pushed the paper back and closed my eyes.

This couldn't be happening.

But it was. I asked my friend Jess about it. She didn't get invited either. As I was walking down the hallway to lunch I kept thinking about our inside jokes. I kept thinking about how I thought she was my best friend. I knew her since 2nd grade and she invited someone she met this year. That was it. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I stopped walking and cried.

***

I got up and grabbed a tissue. I shoved the box back under my bed and walked into the bathroom.

"A nice bath will help me relax."

I turned on the water and let it fill. I hopped in to the tub.

"Ah..."

I let out a deep sigh. My crying had reduced to sniffles. I looked at my wrist then glanced at a razor.

'What the fuck am I thinking!?'

I reminded myself of the friends I had left.

'Jackie, DeeVa...'

I stopped. Those 2 names weren't right. They were slipping away too. I remembered something that happened.

***

I was sitting in lunch listening to Jackie, Kelly, Laura, DeeVa and Kristen talk about seeing a movie. I sighed and wished I was part of the conversation. I wished they'd invite me.

My wish came true.

Jackie invited me. I was so happy. I was finally going out...the first time all year. Later that day a couple of them came up to me and told me the plans for the movie was cancelled. On Monday at lunch they talked about the movie they saw. They told me they cancelled the plans.

***

I wiped away some tears. I looked at the razor then back at my wrist. I started to see all my veins. My veins are very visible, but now I was seeing them more, clearer.

"Just my mind playing tricks on me."

I drained the water and got out of the tub. I grabbed a towel and looked in the mirror. I looked at my puffy eyes. I pushed some bangs out of my eyes. I snarled at my reflection.

"I'm so ugly."

But why was I thinking that? I had a boyfriend...until he cheated on me.

***

I met him online in the summer when I was going into 8th grade. His name was Luke and he was going into 7th grade at my school. We talked for weeks and decided to go out. I told all my friends about him. It was close to Valentine's Day and I overheard this girl Tori and someone else talking. Tori mentioned something about going out with Luke. When I got home I called him. It was busy. After dinner I went online and he was on. I asked him about Tori and at first he denied it. I told him I heard her talking about him. Luke finally admitted he was. I started writing poems after this happened.

***

"Everything he told me was a lie. When he said I was pretty he was lying."

'So what? He was a jerk anyway. I'm sure other people like you.'

I closed me eyes and shook my head. No one liked me and no one ever will.

***

In 7th grade I was walking to Italian. Some 'popular' people were behind me. One said something about me and they all started laughing. Then one of them walked up to me. He started saying all this stuff like."My friend Danny thinks you're hot. He says you have a nice ass." All the people behind me started laughing. I pushed him away and told him to leave me alone.

***

I went to walk over to the razor, but I found it was already in my hand.

'Stop! Don't do it!'

My mind screamed at me. I put the razor to my wrist and felt my stomach turn. I closed my eyes and winced in pain as the blade slit my flesh.

"Holy shit! What the fuck am I doing!"

I dropped the razor and grabbed my bleeding wrist.

"Shit...shit...shit..."

I grabbed a paper towel and pressed it against my wrist. I looked at my towel and saw I got some blood on it.

'Fuck! This isn't good!'

I started to panic and cry. I sat on the counter and lifted the paper towel. The cut wasn't too bad. It would stop bleeding soon. I stuck a band- aid over the cut until I was finished getting dressed. When I finished I pulled the band-aid off.

'How am I going to hide this?'

With shaky hands I opened the bathroom door. I walked downstairs. My parents were watching TV. I glanced at my wrist and walked to the computer. I lifted my wrist again.

'I have to stop looking at it. They're going to notice if I keep looking at it.'

I looked behind me to see if my parents were looking at me.

'Thank God!'

They didn't see me. I signed online and told my friends. I had to tell someone. I promised them and myself I wouldn't do it again. But I had no idea how addicting it could be.

The next couple of days I found myself wanting to cut again. I had another problem. How was I going to tell my parents? Never once in my life had I asked for help. How could I ask now? I found it really hard to talk to people face to face. Plus they had mentioned something about depression. How was I going to talk to them and admit I was wrong? I had to swallow my pride. My life was more important. But...there was something else stopping me...my mom. I didn't want to upset her. I sat on my bed and tried to think of a way to tell them. I usually ended up crying and not doing it. I had to tell them soon. I was getting closer to cutting myself again. My friends kept telling me I had to tell them soon. But they didn't understand how hard it was.

Then one day my mom was out shopping. I was in my room again trying to think of how to tell them. I couldn't hide this anymore. It was now or never. I cried for about 30 minutes. After dinner...I would talk to my mom after she did the dishes. Then she'd be in her room washing her face and I could tell her. I ate dinner in silence. I tried not to think about telling them or I'd cry again. I finished and ran to my room.

'I have to do this.'

I kept my door open and sat on my bed. I was getting nervous. I saw my mom walk into her room. I started feeling sick, but I walked into her room. I sighed and sat on her bed.

'Come on Jess! You can do this!'

She looked at me and saw the look on my face.

"What's wrong?"

'Here's your chance! Speak!'

"Erm...I have to tell you something..."

She blinked at me.

"Well?"

"Um..."

I patted her bed, motioning for her to sit. She walked over and sat down. I started crying. I couldn't do it.

'But you have to!'

"What's wrong."

I couldn't speak. I held out my wrist so she could she my cut. She gasped.

"What happened!"

My voice was lost in my sobs. My mom grabbed my wrist and looked at the cut.

"Did you do this?"

I nodded my head and cried more.

"Why? Why did you do this?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I...don't know."

'But I do know. Why can't I tell her?'

We talked more. She had my dad come in and we all talked. I cried the whole time. I didn't tell them anything. All I said was I don't know.

"Promise me you won't do it again."

"I promise I won't."

But was that a promise I could keep? I already knew how addictive it was. Why couldn't I tell my mom everything I wanted her to know? I needed to tell her more, but I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt her. I felt a little better after we talked. I was glad I summoned enough courage to tell my parents.

***

Did you like it? Please review! *gives thumbs up* Thanks! Bleh...I didn't really like it, but oh well.

you want to read my poems I wrote you can go to .com/undertakerulez7/

If you want to read my live journal you can go to my bio and click the link or go here .com/users/ssjskatertrunks/