Ep, I *haven't* killed off Barney in every way imaginable...  my friend Lexi gave me this idea, so partial credit goes to her!  ^.^

The mind of the first chair Clarinetist works very strangely... and I give you further proof...

Death to Barney, Part IX ((In Part Eight, I accidentally put the Roman numeral seven...  Sorry if that confused anybody...  This is part nine.))

April 17, 2003

Peanut butter. Is good to eat.  Peanut butter is. Sticky.  I am writing sentences.  Like my mental capacity is that of a kid. Off of Barney but that's completely. Beside the point. And off subject.  Allow me. To start. Again.

Peanut butter is good to eat.  It's thick, so it's easy to choke on...

...hence a theory that I would like to call "death by peanut butter."

It's a normal day of shooting ((sadly enough, not with machine guns... **blink**  Hehe, new idea...)) of an episode of the TV show.  The kids are learning how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...  For some odd reason, Barney is teaching them.  Why, you may ask?  No idea. 

He spreads a generous amount of peanut butter onto a piece of bread and exclaims, "Wow!  This is super-de-duper!"  He takes a big bite out of the bread...  Actually, he eats the entire piece of bread.  Not only is he an ugly dinosaur, but he's a slob of a dinosaur, too... an irresistible combination that makes me want to kill him off.  Suddenly, all is silent and Barney is choking...  The directors off screen cheer and the kids start talking amongst themselves like the freaky little kindergartners that they are.  Barney clutches his throat because he thinks that it will somehow stop the choking.  He doesn't know of my author powers!  **lightning strikes in the background as TheCrazyClarinetist laughs evilly**  ...but anyway.

He starts to sweat and tries to cough up the peanut butter, but it is to no avail.  Nobody watches as he falls out of the chair and begins to twitch on the floor.  Baby Bop runs in, that stupid blanket in her hand, and sucks on her thumb whilst watching Barney with a stupid look on her face... Yes, class, her face can have a more idiotic look than that on the fabric, believe it or not.  "Barney?  Are you okay?"

He glares at her, and we can hear noises in the back of his throat.  The peanut butter is doing its work.  In the background, we can see the directors celebrating.  A purple hand ((heh, I hope it's purple... **sweatdrop**)) reaches up and grabs the bottle of peanut butter. He points to the bottle and then his throat.  Bottle, throat, bottle, throat, bottle, throat...  The idiotic green thing doesn't get it, so he throws the bottle at her head.  Some of the peanut butter gets on her beloved "blankey," and she starts jumping up and down and screaming... typical "hissy fit..." ((Quote from Ms. L...))  She kicks Barney as hard as she can in the head and then storms off, sobbing because there is now a permanent stain on the rag.

Barney's eyes roll into the back of his head as he gags for the last time.  The kids celebrate this event of death by peanut butter.