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Title: Nancy Boy
Author: Aurelia
Warnings: Slash (m/m), profanity. Rated PG.
Credits: Title inspired by the Placebo song.
Notes: My story. Don't steal. Ask before posting anywhere. I'll say yes.

Date Began: January 13, 2002
Date Ended: incomplete

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"Do you think I'm attractive?"

The question came as a surprise, causing the blond boy's head to shoot up. He looked up at his best friend from his place on the bed, where he was laying down and doing his math homework. Being openly bisexual, it should have been easy to answer "yes", yet he merely gave Kevin a blank stare.

"Huh?" he, Joshua, asked. His right eyebrow was raised in bewilderment as he watched Kevin fumble for the words again.

"Do you find me attractive?" Kevin repeated, his cheeks flaming with obvious embarrassment. Joshua pursed his lips, worried.

"Kev, we've been friends since we were five. You know I'd never try --"

"No, that's not it!" Kevin let out a loud breath, glaring at the ground as he forced himself to speak. "I'm not gonna freak, okay? I mean, just on a scale of one to ten, what would you rate me?"

Joshua gave his friend a long, queer look, and then said in his poshest voice, "Well, darling, turn 'round and pose for me."

Kevin let out a short laugh and turned around under Joshua's scrutinizing gaze. "Well?"

"On a scale of one to ten?" Joshua asked. Kevin nodded impatiently, and Joshua shrugged. "Sixty-nine," he stated matter-of-factly, and quickly returned his attention to the paper in front of him.

A very unmanly giggle erupted from the shocked teenager, and after a moment he tackled the smirking boy on the bed. Joshua shrieked as Kevin's fingers tickled him, and he tried to push the offending hands away.

"You want me, don't you?" Kevin laughed, straddling Joshua's hips and continuing his assault. "Don't you? Say that you want me!"

"I - I want you!" Joshua gasped between laughs. "Stop, Kev! Kev!" He squealed as the torture went on, and then the hands finally stopped. Kevin collapsed upon him, and the two boys kept laughing, struggling to catch their breaths.

Kevin looked down at his friend, still laughing, but suddenly aware of the hardness pressed against him. Before he could stop himself, he felt his lips descend upon Joshua's, cutting off their chuckling.

Beneath him, Joshua went rigid. For a few brief seconds the kiss was returned, but then Joshua pushed him away, shoving him off his body to land uncomfortably on the opened mathematics book. Tears of rejection involuntarily formed in Kevin's eyes as his bottom lip trembled, still warm with the heat of his first male kiss.

Joshua was on his feet, backing way in an emotional whirlwind. "Goddammit, Kevin!" he said, and his eyes held betrayal. "Don't you try that shit with me, okay? I don't want to be a part of your experiments, and I sure as hell won't be the one left hurt when you decide to be straight again. Don't fucking tease me like that, Kev."

Kevin rolled over on his bed, burying his face in the pillow. His body convulsed with sobs, and Joshua knew he was crying. The blond sat on the bed tentatively.

"Love, don't do this either," he murmured, letting his hand caress Kevin's spine. "Don't cry."

Kevin didn't turn around. He continued to cry, the sounds muffled by the pillow. They sat there until he could regain control, but even when he did, he could not face the gaze of his friend.

"I love you, Josh," he mumbled helplessly, breathing normal and body limp.

"No, not like that you don't," Joshua said quietly, and suddenly Kevin faced him, anger flashing in his eyes.

"How dare you presume to know what I'm feeling?" Kevin demanded. "How dare you?! Dammit, Josh, don't tell me what I do and do not feel! Don't tell me I don't love you when that's the only thing I know for certain in my life!"

An overwhelming silence settled over the room after the outburst as Kevin glared defiantly at his best friend and Joshua carefully considered was said.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked finally, at a loss. By no means did he know what Kevin was thinking, so what could he say?

After a long, contemplating pause, Kevin answered, "I want you to kiss me." Joshua bit his bottom lip and studied his friend, wondering if the offer was in earnest. He hesitantly leaned in to oblige, but Kevin pushed him back. "But I want your love, not your pity." He brought his legs to his chest, putting his arms around them and resting his chin on his knees. He looked heartbroken, and it was all Joshua's fault.

"Come here," he mumbled, moving closer to Kevin and embracing him. He heard the boy sniffle, returning the hug. "I'm sorry," Joshua said, placing a kiss somewhere in the mess of Kevin's unruly brown hair. "It's just that I don't understand. What about Monica? What about Kimberly and Sarah and Samantha?" He was referring to Kevin's current and past girlfriends.

"Josh...I'm not attracted to them..."

"But you've always had some bitch or another hanging all over you! I've never even seen you look at a guy! You never looked at me in that way! Are you sure --"

"God, just forget it!" Kevin said, shaking off Joshua's arms. "You of all people should understand, but just forget it." He closed the forgotten math book and shoved it into Joshua's backpack, forcing it into the other boy's hands. He looked pointedly at the door, his request clear.

"Kevin, look --"

"Leave, Joshua. This was a mistake. Forget it ever happened." Kevin inclined his head towards the door. "Please go."

"I want to talk to you," Joshua pleaded. "I shouldn't have reacted like that. I remember what it was like for me, and the last thing I needed was for my best friend to question what I was feeling. But it - it caught me off guard. It's just that...I never thought you'd...I didn't expect that...oh fuck..." He dropped his bag to the floor and kissed Kevin. But not just a friendly I-platonically-love-you-and-will-support-you-no-matter-what kiss. More like an I-wasn't-joking-about-the-69 kiss.

When they pulled away, Joshua rested his forehead against Kevin's, fighting for breath.

"It shocked the hell out of me, Kev," Joshua said truthfully. "I've been wishing that you'd say it for so long...I just...I didn't expect it to happen."

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TBC -

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