This is what happens when I am depressed, get no sleep, and read disturbing fics right before bed.

I've always had a kind of morbid interest in Light. I'm not sure why, but I prefer the view out my window to the two walls of darkness that surround me when I face the other way. I pull the coverings up around my ears- there's a cold breeze from inside the room and another from outside that fight in the air above me. I can never go to sleep when it's warm.

I push aside the closing and watch as Lights begin to rise and fall outside my window. The sky is weird, bland, as if someone had drained all the color from it. There is no word for what it looks like. If only there were stars tonight. After all these weeks, I finally know what to wish.

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight. I wish that I'll never wake up.

With a jolt, I realize that I could make that wish come true. Myself. Right now. I know she'd been trying to help me, but now I realized that she'd given me a way out. If I could manage it.

Taking a deep breath, I concentrate, focusing my entire being, losing myself.

And I am through. I feel distant, disoriented, though if it is from the kething or how near I am I do not know.

With a kind of cold horror I step out into Lights.

It hurts. It hurts like nothing has ever hurt before, but in the heart of the searing pain, it is wonderful. It is the most amazing thing that ever was, the pain and the rush of life that surges through me. I am caught up in the beauty of Lights, I never want to let go.

And then the singing starts, and it is too late to turn back. But I would never turn back, not from this. Eerie, ethereal, enveloping me in its sound. It pours from Lights, and the strange sky, and the earth, and the air, so unlike any voice. It spins around me, lifts me, and in the final second, I know that I am part of something so enormous and so painfully wonderful that no one could ever understand it, something that has always been and always will be, something beyond the scope of life, and I am part…..I am part….

And suddenly, Lights go out.