(Yeah… I’m still insane.  This chapter has shounen ai and mentions of het.  If you don’t know what those two mean, then you will.)

David:  Kicking Ms. Perfect

“Pringles and soda?  For breakfast?  You are one sick individual,” Gail announces, walking in without even so much as a ‘by your leave.’

I scowl at her.  “Did I ask you?”  Why did I leave the door open to this menace?

Oh yeah.  I’m waiting for Jamie to make his way over here.  Considering how many people he’ll have to say hello to on the way, it could take years.

“Call it free advice,” she says airily.  “Next time, it’ll cost you.”

Gail sits down on my bed, kicking her shoes off and laying back contentedly.  I remain the hunched, scowling, Pringle-eating person in the chair by the desk.

“Can’t you even get up at a decent hour?” she complains, giving me her patented ‘you disgust me’ look.  “I do not know what Jamie sees in you.”

I knew it would come back to this.  This is the issue binding me and Gail together forever, despite our best efforts to kill one another.

Jamie, I love you, but you’ve brought a hell-beast into my life, you bastard.

I make an inarticulate sound and turn away, downing the last of my soda.  I don’t want to look at her.  Ms. Perfect.  Every hair in place, totally fit and healthy… just like a model out of a magazine.

Damn the bitch to the deepest pit of hell.

“Aren’t you even going to get dressed?” she asks, crossing her legs and holding up one arm to look at her nails.  Every movement is graceful and sure.

“Would you mind leaving?  I’m expecting someone,” I say, going for polite.  I can control my loathing.  Really.

“You?” Gail stares at me with wide, amused eyes.  “Expecting someone?  Has someone finally called the men in the little white coats?”

“Cute,” I snap, standing up and stretching.  I catch sight of myself in the mirror.  God, my hair’s a mess.  But then, isn’t it always?

“Jamie’s coming over,” she guesses, right as always.  “Don’t bother getting ready, then.  You’ll still look shitty compared to me.”

True, of course.  Gail doesn’t have to lie.  She outclasses me in every way.

“Claws in,” I say mildly, heading for the fridge.  “Do you want something to drink?”

She seethes a little, then replies.  “Got any bottled water?”

I toss her a bottle, grab one for myself, and sit on my roommate’s bed.  He won’t mind; he’s taken to sleeping at his girlfriend’s dorm.  He’s got an even stranger relationship situation than I- but that’s not any of my business.

Gail sits up and runs her fingers through her hair.  Long, red, faintly wavy; it’s gorgeous, especially compared to my own scruffy blonde.  Yeah, she’s definitely got me outclassed.

“You’re a dick,” she tells me calmly.  I nod, accepting her abuse.  Why not?  I can afford to.  Now that I’ve woken up a little, I’ve gotten back into my usual groove: let Gail get her kicks, ‘cause Jamie’s coming over and I’ll kick her back ten times as hard.

“I don’t know why I even come here,” she mutters, suddenly upset.  Usually she’s poised, cold as ice.  But I have no sympathy for her.

“You must be a masochist, deary,” I say, grinning like a maniac.  “It’s got to be tough, getting dumped by your boyfriend for another guy.”

Gail flips me off.

“Are you sure you don’t want to leave?” I ask, smiling even wider.  “’Cause-“

Someone knocks on the door, interrupting the conversation.  I jump up to open it and let Jamie in, the other half of what had been the Most Beautiful Couple on Campus… before I was added into the picture.

“Hey,” Jamie says, smiling at me.  He hasn’t seen Gail, who is sitting upright and glaring at us both.

“Morning,” I reply cheekily, admiring him yet again.  Wavy black hair, sparkling green eyes, a smile like the sin of angels… I am the luckiest guy who ever lived.

Jamie kisses me, long and full, never mind that I have Pringle-breath, before even noticing Gail.

Consider Ms. Perfect kicked with a steel-toed boot and left on the curb to rot.

(Who hasn’t wanted to show up a Ms. or Mr. Perfect at one time or another?)