THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 2.33 - "N*STINK"
Written by Jesse Glaspey

INT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS. LIAM'S PLACE Liam and Stacy are sitting together watching TV. It's a documentary on the year's biggest grossing artists. Donner is reading the newspaper. Bippo is making a sandwich. Thad and Arturo are playing chess. LIAM Wow! Can you believe how popular N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys are? STACY Apparently there's a huge market for prettyboys with little talent. THAD Boy bands, the haven for those with no real musical ability. BIPPO Oh man, I hate boy bands! If I had my way… (Bippo starts bringing the knife down into his sandwich in a sharp stabbing motion.) Hack! Hack! Kill! Kill! DONNER (Not even looking up from his paper) For once, I agree with the Joker and Lassie. Boy bands suck. TV REPORTER And the boy bands pulled in over 2 hundred million in album, video and concert ticket sales alone! Donner drops the paper. DONNER How much did they say? STACY Two hundred million dollars. DONNER T-t-t-two m-m-m-million dollars??? LIAM Wow! That's a lot of money! DONNER And I want a piece of it! That's it! I'm forming a boy band!!! LIAM Why am I suddenly filled with a cold dread? MUSICAL STING FADE OUT ------------------------------------------------------------- THEME SONG (Sung to N*Sync's "Bye, Bye, Bye") You're watching the Liam Smith Show! What'll happen, you never know! It's the funniest show you'll ever see! Laugh so hard you have to pee! The show is on, Tell me why, why why! Why, why? Liam Smith is outta luck… Stacy is his girlfriend that he'd like to (BLEEP) Bippo's insane, baby! And the show is on, tell me why, why why! OLE! -------------------------------------------------------------

The Liam Smith Show

Starring

Dian Bachar
as
Liam Smith

and
John Rhys-Davies
as
Professor Arturo

Co-Starring

Jason Gaston
as
Donner

Mike Nelson
as
Thad Coffey

Cameron Diaz
as
Stacy VaVoom

Robert Floyd
as
Bippo the Clown

Betty White
as
Doris Winchester

John Goodman
as
Elvis

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog

Jason Lee
as
Jesse Glaspey / The Cosmic Weasel

Jack Black
as
Jonathan Krueger / Dr. Wham

Even More Starring

Britney Spears

Justin Timberlake

Carson Daly

Kurt Loder

Neve Campbell

And
David Peckinpah
as
Satan INT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. LIAM'S PLACE. Liam, Stacy, Thad and Bippo are staring at Donner. LIAM You're going to start a boy band? But you just said they suck! DONNER But lots and lots of money can make up for that! Now I just need to find five young looking people with a lot of time on their hands… Donner looks at the group. Liam, Thad and Bippo turn away quickly. DONNER Liam… Come on, you could use some more money! Think of all the nice things you can buy Stacy! LIAM But why me? DONNER You're really short. You can pass for a high schooler easily! Plus it doesn't hurt you have the IQ of a high schooler! LIAM Thanks…I think. What do you think, Stacy? STACY Well, sure. Go for it. If Donner can actually get this turkey of his to fly and turn you into a heartthrob I'll eat my hat. DONNER I'll let you be the main stylist if Liam joins. STACY A stylist!!! So I can do makeovers??? COOL! LIAM IS IN! I'm going to get my make-up kit! Stacy runs out. LIAM Um, okay… DONNER Great! That's one member! Now Bippo… are you in? BIPPO Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't I just say that BOY BANDS SUCK AND I WANT THEM DEAD??? DONNER But think about it! What better way to take boy bands out than by posing as one of their own? Think about it, you kill them one by one while we're on the road with them! Eliminating our competition and making us even more money! BIPPO Well… since you put it that way… I'm in! DONNER Thad… old buddy… THAD What can you offer me to make me go along with this harebrained scheme? DONNER I can't. But I can just as easily make Drew Fangtastic an offer if you turn it down. THAD WHAT? DREW? But I'm much better looking! I'm in! DONNER That's three. Now we just need two more. Now who else would be stupid enough to join up? Jesse and Jonathan walk in. JESSE & JONATHAN Hello! JESSE We need money to replace the water heater downstairs. Can anyone lend us some dough? ARTURO Replace the water heater? Why? It's perfectly fine! Jonathan looks at his watch. JONATHAN 2…1… An explosion is heard. JESSE Apparently that whole myth about Pepsi and Pop Rocks is true. DONNER So you need money, eh? I have just the proposition for you guys. Step into my office. JONATHAN That's the bathroom. JESSE Sorry, but we don't swing like that, pal! DONNER Listen! I'm putting a boy band together! I want the two of you to join! JONATHAN WHAT? You expect us to sacrifice our self-respect and dignity… JESSE What little we have… JONATHAN To help you cash in on some half assed fad? DONNER You two owe me a car. A pause. JONATHAN When do we start? INT. A STUDIO - TWO DAYS LATER Two days pass. Donner gathers the group together to record their album. In a hastily built recording studio, being operated by Elvis. Donner is handing out sheet music to the group. DONNER Okay, your group name is *69. LIAM Star 69? DONNER No. *69. The * is silent. Liam pauses. Donner shoves sheet music into Liam's hands. DONNER These are the lyrics for your first single "My love (is just seven digits)" BIPPO Wait, what makes you think we can sing in the first place? DONNER Who cares? If talent was a necessity, boy bands wouldn't exist! Now sing! Liam, Thad, Bippo, Jesse and Jonathan start to sing. Elvis presses a button. A funky techno beat starts to play. They start recording. LIAM (Singing) Oh baaaabyyyyy! My love is just seven digits! BIPPO (Singing) Dial me up, won't put ya on hold! LIAM (Singing ) My love is just seven digits! THAD (Singing) Call me up or my love'll turn cold! LIAM (Singing) My love is just seven digits! JONATHAN (Singing) Your love, I have to have it! JESSE (Singing) Even though your ass is the size of a planet! DONNER CUT! STOP TAPE! THAT WASN'T PART OF THE SONG! JESSE (laughing) It should have been, though. Seriously, who wrote this crap? ARTURO IT IS NOT CRAP! I SPENT MANY HOURS WRITING THAT SONG, YOU BLISTERING IDIOT! JONATHAN (looking at the other songs) So I take it you also wrote the song "Shake Those Funbags"? ARTURO Well, if you wanted quality songwriting, you're talking to the wrong Slider! Now deal with it! DONNER Okay, take two! And Liam! If you can sing a couple of octaves higher, that would be great. LIAM How can I do that? I'm singing the best I can! DONNER Don't worry. Your voice coach will help you out. LIAM Voice coach? Doris Winchester walks in. DORIS Sing. LIAM STARTS SINGING AS HIGH AS HE CAN. DORIS GRABS HIS CROTCH AND SQUEEZES. LIAM (Falsetto voice) AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! !!! DORIS How's that, Donner? DONNER Perfect! Doris leaves. The group goes back to singing. INT. THE STUDIO - THE NEXT DAY The group is practicing their dance numbers. Doris walks in the room. Liam covers his crotch protecting it. DORIS All right, worms! Line up! I'm your choreographer and I'm going to have you slackers busting moves in no time! LIAM You're our voice coach AND choreographer? DORIS Got a (Bleep)ing problem with that? And was I not talking loud enough for you? FALL IN MOTHER(BLEEP)ERS! They all line up. DORIS (To Liam) You! Short stuff! Do the "running man"! NOW! Liam starts doing the running man. DORIS (To Thad) YOU! Do "The robot"! Thad starts doing the robot. DORIS (To Bippo) You! Do some Riverdance! BIPPO But I don't know how! DORIS DO IT!!! Bippo starts riverdancing. Donner walks in to see the five guys dancing horribly. DORIS (To Donner) How do they look? Donner looks at them dancing like special ed students. DONNER It'll do. Now onto getting their looks down! INT. THE STUDIO - AN HOUR LATER Stacy is doing makeovers STACY (To Donner) Okay. I'm having some problems here. First off, Jesse is too pale, Jonathan is too large for any of the clothes I give him, Bippo won't let me change his make-up, And what is going to happen to Thad's hairstyle if he wolfs out? DONNER What about Liam? Liam walks out with his hair in dreadlocks, a shiny T-shirt and tight leather pants. Everyone starts laughing. LIAM Do I have to wear this? DONNER You all will have to! Your first concert is tonight on Saturday Night Live! THAD, BIPPO, JESSE, JONATHAN & LIAM TONIGHT??? STACY Oh, this ought to be good. ------------------ -------------------------- --------------- ------------- ---------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK : We promise we'll cut air holes in the boxes this time! : Visit us or we'll have Shatner keep singing! : Where else can you buy cheap crap at sky high prices? -------------------------------- ---------------------------- ---- --------------------------------- We see a montage of the following images set to *69's hit song "My love (is just 7 digits)": -The Billboard chart. *69 is number one! -*69's cd's flying off the shelf, getting snatched up by groups of young girls. -The members of *69 getting chased by swarms of young girls. -Various young girls putting up posters of members of *69. -Various prison inmates putting up posters of members of *69. Particularly Liam. -The Grammy awards. LeeAnn Rimes and Wu-Tang Clan member Ol' Dirty Bastard are presenting. LEEANN RIMES And the Grammy for best new group goes to…. *69! *69 runs up on stage and takes their grammy. Thad takes the podium. THAD I wanna thank all of our fans for getting us here! Bippo takes the podium next. BIPPO I wanna thank all my lawyers for getting me aquitted! Remember! If there's no body, there's no crime. Now it's Jonathan's turn. JONATHAN I just want to say, I did NOT sleep with that young intern! As a matter of fact, we were up… all… night! BWAHAHAHAHAA! Jesse takes the podium. JESSE I have no one to thank. I just wanted to do this… Jesse punches out LeeAnn Rimes. JESSE THAT was for your cover of "Purple Rain"! For so white a girl to go there. OL' DIRTY BASTARD Word! He gets a couple shots in as well. Liam takes the podium. LIAM I just want to thank my girlf- The music cuts Liam off. The other band members drag Liam off stage. They're now back at Liam's place. LIAM I still don't understand why I couldn't thank Stacy. DONNER Because, if you mention that you have a girlfriend. It could hurt our fan base! STACY I'm just surprised you still remember that you have a girlfriend at all! LIAM What's that supposed to mean? STACY It just means you haven't been spending as much time with me lately. Between all the concerts and appearances, and the fact you can't reveal the fact you have a loving girlfriend… LIAM I want to! But Donner won't let me. DONNER We can reveal it later! We're still walking on eggshells after Jesse's horrible appearance on the Kilborn show. CUT TO: INT. THE CRAIG KILBORN SHOW Jesse is punching Kilborn in the face repeatedly. JESSE BE MORE FUNNY!!! Jesse goes back to punching Kilborn. CUT TO: LIAM'S APARMENT AGAIN. DONNER And then there's Bippo taking out our competetion! Bippo is washing off his chainsaw. BIPPO Let me tell you, that JC kid from N*Sync cries like a woman! It wasn't pretty. DONNER Our public image is very fragile! Anything could burst our bubble and then where would we be? LIAM Back to our normal lives with a buttload of cash left over? Donner pauses. DONNER Shut up! Now let's go. We have to be at MTV by 2pm. We're on TRL today. CUT TO: INT. BRITNEY SPEARS' MANSION Britney is sitting on her bed watching MTV. Justin Timberlake of N*Sync is painting her toenails. *69 is on MTV. BRITNEY Look at those fools! They cannot compare to the Britney! The Britney is the queen of pop! The Britney is number one on the charts! The Britney wants *69 gone so she may reign supreme! JUSTIN Yes, Britney! You're absolutely right, oh magnificent diva-kins! BRITNEY Find them! Find *69 and humilate them! What show are they on today? JUSTIN They're on TRL today, queen of popdom! BRITNEY TRL??? That is the Britney's show! Carson Daly is The Britney's bitch! GO! And ruin them so that The Britney can sleep well! JUSTIN Yes, Britney! Immediately, Britney! Justin rushes off. INT. TRL'S STUDIO. TRL is on the air and tons of girls are screaming… CARSON DALY What's up, party people? Carson here. Our first guests today are burning up the airwaves with their hit single "My love (is just 7 digits)" and they're here to premiere their new video "Shake Those Funbags". Give a warm TRL welcome to *69!!! *69 walks out. Girls are cheering like crazy. CARSON So, how's life on the road been treating you guys? BIPPO It's great! Free food, good money, plenty of drifters to kill. CARSON Um…right. So, are any of you seeing anyone special? JESSE Carson. For the last time! I told you. WE LIKE GIRLS! The girls cheer. Carson looks pissed but does nothing. While the interview continues, Justin sneaks up behind the audience. JUSTIN HEY! *69 IS GIVING AWAY FREE AUTOGRAPHS! GIRL #1 Free autographs??? Did you hear that? GIRL #2 Yeah! Let's get them! WHOOOO!!!!!!!!! An audience full of screaming girls rushes the group. During the rush, Justin sneaks up and rips off Thad's patch. THAD Um, guys… BIPPO What? HEY! LADY! THAT'S NOT A PEN YOU'RE GRABBING! THAD My patch is gone. JESSE Again? Damn. That thing just doesn't want to stay on, does it? THAD Oh boy….herrrrrrrrrrrre we gooooooRRROOWWWLLL!!! Thad wolfs out. The girls run for it. Thad pounces on Carson and starts devouring him. JUSTIN Success! Maybe since I did so well, Britney might let me clean her bed with my tongue! INT. BRITNEY SPEARS' MANSION JUSTIN Britney! I have returned from my mission! Which I accomplished! May I be rewarded with your dainty fingernail clippings? He walks into Britney's bedroom. Britney throws a brick at him. It misses and lands on Britney's dog. BRITNEY FAILURE! You incompetent boob! You have failed the Britney! JUSTIN What? How? Their band member turned into a werewolf and killed Carson Daly! BRITNEY FOOL! Did you not realize that would only help their career? Now they're number one on not only the pop charts but on the rock and rap charts as well!!! Britney bitch slaps Justin. JUSTIN Thank you, my Britney! Is there anything else I can do? VOICE How about instead of embarrassing them, you discredit their reputation? BRITNEY Who said that? Who dares to order the Britney? The voice comes from a chair in the corner. The chair spins around to reveal… It's Satan! SATAN Britney! I'm shocked. You don't remember your old friend, Satan? BRITNEY The Britney remembers you all too well. SATAN You'd do well to remember the name of the man who made you popular in the first place. As well as the man who brought back the boy band craze. And got Dark Angel renewed for another season but that's a whole other subject. JUSTIN But why do you want to ruin *69? SATAN Because unlike all the other pop acts, they didn't cut me in on the action. Plus, I have a vested interest in Liam Smith. Take this video tape. Air it and all should come crashing down for them. Britney takes the tape and Satan disappears in a puff of smoke. INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT. Liam and the gang are counting stacks of money. Donner barges in. DONNER Turn on MTV! Now! BIPPO Right on! I want my MTV too! Donner turns on MTV. Kurt Loder is there with MTV news. KURT LODER A video tape has just been released on an adult website by an anonymous source indicating *69 band member Jesse Glaspey of engaging in lewd sexual acts with actress Neve Campbell. More on this at and for those of you without computers, you can all go to hell. Now, back to our Real World marathon! JESSE Oh, crap. JONATHAN Neve Campbell? Was she drunk or something? JESSE HEY! ---------------------- --------------------------- ---------- --------------------------------- ---- COMMERCIAL BREAK -WB: The night is young! -UPN: We're X-treme! -FOX: What the hell are YOU looking at? ----------------- ------------------------- ----------------- ------------------- ------------------- INT. A TV STUDIO VH-1's hit series Behind The Music is on. They're focusing on *69. NARRATOR. *69 was riding high in 2001. They had money, fame, the adulation of the masses. Then, it all came crashing down! The group had survived the controversies that all boy bands face. They didn't write their own songs, or even choreograph their own dances. But other controversies were tougher to shake. They had an alleged serial killer in their group, Bippo the Clown. And another band member, Thad Coffey, suffered from lycanthropy. He was a werewolf. A shadow is shown of someone close to the group. It looks like a dog holding a cigar. VOICE Yes, yes. Thad is a werewolf. But let's be honest, he proves the stereotype of dogs having large bones isn't always true! Ha ha! I joke. I joke. He's a good kid…. FOR ME TO POOP ON!!! NARRATOR But that wasn't their only problem. A sordid sex tape of band member Jesse and actress Neve Campbell surfaced. We here at Behind The Music cannot air the video due to it's pornographic nature but we can air the audio of the escapade. The screen goes black and we hear the following. JESSE Oh yes… Neve Campbell… from Scream! NEVE Wow! This is great! JESSE You bet…Neve Campbell…from Wild Things! Oh yeah!…I'm having sex with Neve Campbell! NEVE Why do you keep saying my name? JESSE What name? NEVE My name! Neve Campbell! JESSE From the Craft? NEVE Yes! JESSE Never mind. Just keep leaning back so they can see your face. NEVE What? JESSE Never mind. NARRATOR As you can see, Jesse was a sexual predator. Whose thirst for booty could not be sated. VOICE Yes, yes. Jesse was a freak! But he's kind of old. I mean he has more wrinkles than the schnauser I humped last night! NARRATOR How old is he? VOICE 23. But I kid. I kid. He's a good fella…FOR ME TO POOP ON!!! INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT Donner, Stacy and the rest of the band are watching the TV in awe. LIAM Wow! Who was that voice that sold us out??? Everyone stares at Liam. DONNER What are you, stupid??? That was Triumph!!! That's it. We're ruined. Donner is muttering when his cell phone rings. He answers it. He starts smiling. He hangs up. STACY What is it? Is the band finished? Can we all go back to our normal lives? DONNER We're the number one album in the world. We're now booked to play Madison Square Garden! LIAM Madison Square Garden in New York City? DONNER No. Madison Square Garden in Topeka, Kansas. Yes, the one in New York City! LIAM This is great! INT. BRITNEY SPEARS' MANSION BRITNEY This sucks! *69 is performing Madison Square Garden! That's the Britney's arena!!! JUSTIN What can we do now, my little silicone sweetheart? BRITNEY Embarrassing them didn't work. Neither did discrediting them. Our only other option…is to kill them! You will assassinate them! So good luck. JUSTIN What? Me? Britney hands Justin a rifle. BRITNEY There you go. That gun was given to me by Ted Nugent. JUSTIN (whining) It's so heavy! BRITNEY Go forth and slay the Britney's enemies! And to ensure victory, the Britney will accompany you so I may smell their fresh blood and devour their hearts for power! JUSTIN Riiiiiiiiight. INT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN *69 comes down to the stage from the rafters on a giant telephone prop. They hop off and the phone rises back up. They start singing "Shake Those Funbags" on stage. We see Justin climbing the rafters above them. LIAM (Singing) Shake your funbags! THAD, BIPPO, JESSE & JONATHAN (Singing) Chicka boom chicka boom! LIAM Cause my love for you is trembling! THAD, BIPPO, JESSE & JONATHAN (Singing) Boom chicka boom chicka! GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Oh my god! Liam is so hot!!! STACY (Grabs Girl) You stay away from him, bitch! GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 What? STACY I mean, um, I heard he's gay. GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 He is? Oh. Well what about Jesse? STACY He's not gay, just stupid. GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Cool! JESSE, I LOVE YOU!!!! WHOOO!!!!!! Justin puts the gun together. He then starts to aim at Liam. Jesse's weasel sense goes off. He collapses to the ground. GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Oh my god! He's going to do a solo!!! JESSE (Kneeling) Oh…my… god! We're in danger! LIAM (Singing) Our love is in danger! JESSE No, you idiot! I mean we're in DANGER danger! JONATHAN Shouldn't we get off stage, then? DONNER (Off-stage) If you walk off stage, I'LL put you in danger! FINISH THE (BLEEP)ING SHOW! Justin aims his rifle and fires. He misses completely as the bullet strikes a useless part of the stage. The group looks up to see Justin teetering above the rafters. BIPPO Boy, he doesn't have very good aim, does he? THAD Apparently, that gun had too much kick for him, as well. JONATHAN Luckily, I have impeccable aim. Jonathan throws a quarter, striking Justin in the head and sending him careening off the rafters, backstage and into a trash compactor. DONNER (Hits the compact switch) Whoops! *69 continues the show, they stop as the bloodcurdling scream of Justin Timberlake echoes through the arena as he's crushed to death in the compactor. After a second, they go back to performing. BRITNEY If you want something done right, then the Britney has to do it herself! Britney storms on stage. BRITNEY *69! You have angered the Britney for the last time! LIAM Holy crap! It's Britney Spears! GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Is this part of the show? BACKSTAGE… DONNER This isn't part of the show! What the hell is going on? BRITNEY The Britney has been trying to rid the world of you simpletons! But you still remain popular! STACY So Princess Jailbait is behind all their problems? BRITNEY And now, I will destroy you all!!! Liam, Thad and Bippo look at Jesse and Jonathan. JESSE What? LIAM Shouldn't you two turn into the Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham around now? JESSE Do you really think we need to? JONATHAN I mean, it's Britney Spears! Like she poses a threat? Britney's eyes start to glow red and her arms turn into massive guns. ROBO-BRITNEY DIE!!!! Britney starts firing Liam and the gang dive behind the amplifiers. LIAM NOW do you think you should change? JESSE I'd say now's a good time! JONATHAN Very astute of you! Jesse taps his ring and his costume appears over him turning him into the Cosmic Weasel. Jonathan calls for the mighty word. JONATHAN NIPPLAGE! Lightning crashes and Dr. Wham leaps forward. GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Now THIS is a (Bleep)ing stage show! COSMIC WEASEL All right, Britney. Just settle down and stop getting all Courtney Love on us! DR. WHAM Put the gun thingys away. We don't want to have to hurt you! Robo-Britney swings her arms up, smacking Dr. Wham and the Cosmic Weasel into a wall. BIPPO Hey, Donner! If they die, can we become a trio like Destiny's Child? DONNER Oh, Shut UP! Robo-Britney continues to beat on the Cosmic Weasel. COSMIC WEASEL Go on! Do your worst! Hit me baby one more time!!! Robo-Britney punches the Cosmic Weasel repeatedly in the face. COSMIC WEASEL OW! Wait! Never mind! Robo-Britney brings up her gun arms to blast the Cosmic Weasel when Dr. Wham hits her from behind with an electric guitar. DR. WHAM Oops! I did it again! Robo-Britney swats Dr. Wham and the Cosmic Weasel backstage. ROBO-BRITNEY COWARDS! When the Britney is through with the two of you, then the Britney will kill all the people who helped make you famous! Donner helps The Cosmic Weasel and Dr. Wham up. DONNER Did you hear that? You guys have to do something! DR. WHAM But what? She's f'ing tough! And Cos seems out of it! COSMIC WEASEL (Dazed) She bangs! She bangs! And when she move, she moves! Liam, Thad and Bippo run back stage. THAD What now? DONNER How did you guys get back here? BIPPO The press is taking pictures of Robo-Britney. She's kind of distracted. We see Robo-Britney smiling and waving to the press, also signing some autographs. DR. WHAM Okay! I have a plan. While Britney is distracted, we drop that giant phone on her! That should stop her! LIAM Don't we have to get her under the phone first? DR. WHAM Good point. Hmm. How do we do that??? BIPPO HEY BRITNEY! CHRISTINA AGUILERA SAYS YOU SUCK!!! ROBO-BRITNEY Why that no good little skeeze! Robo-Britney starts striding towards Dr. Wham and the gang. DR. WHAM STOP! Robo-Britney stops. ROBO-BRITNEY What? DR. WHAM (Points up) Phone call for you. Dr. Wham cuts the ropes holding the phone up. The phone comes crashing down onto Robo-Britney, killing her. GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Dude! We have GOT to see what they do for an encore! DONNER Good! Now head back out and finish the show! DR. WHAM We can't finish! Jesse is damn near out cold! COSMIC WEASEL Ladies, leave you man at home! The club is full of ballers with their pockets full blown! DONNER Oh give me a break! If going out on stage half-conscious was a crime, Whitney Houston would have been arrested years ago! The group goes back on stage. The crowd is still rocked by what happened. LIAM I can't believe this! They still love us! Why can't we just get out of this so I can go back to my girlfriend! BIPPO Um, Liam. Your microphone is still on. GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Did you hear that? They have girlfriends!!! Stacy thinks for a second. STACY POSERS! BOO!!! FRAUDS!!! BOO!!! AUDIENCE BOO!!!! DR. WHAM Geez, they're a fickle bunch! GIRL IN AUDIENCE #1 Did you hear that? They called us a bunch of (bleep)ers! BOOO!!!! DR. WHAM No! I didn't say "bunch of (Bleep)ers"! I said "fickle bunch"! Dr. Wham is hit with a tomato. Members of the audience start hurling food and beer bottles at *69. THAD Beer bottles? How the hell did minors get a hold of beer bottles? DR. WHAM And why is Stacy handing out fruit for them to throw at us? LIAM That's my girl! -------- ----------------------------------- ---------------- -------------------- -------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK -Go see Snatch! -Go see Blow! -Go see Dick! ------------------------ ------------------------------------ -------- --------------------------- INT. UPTA CREEK APARTMENTS. LIAM'S PLACE Liam and Stacy are sitting back watching a where are they now featuring *69. STACY Well, Liam. I hope you learned something from all of this. LIAM You bet! I learned it's much better to make it in the music industry on vocal skill and the ability to perform! Not to get by on a gimmick and my incredibly good looks! STACY Incredibly… good…looks? LIAM What? STACY (Holding back laughter) Nothing. Donner walks in. He's depressed. DONNER Hi. LIAM Hey, Donner. How are you holding up? DONNER Okay. STACY Even though the bags of cash aren't rolling in anymore? DONNER Yeah. STACY Even though you're being sued by Britney Spears' record label for murdering her? DONNER Yeah. STACY Even though Madison Square Garden is suing you for property damage? DONNER Yeah. STACY Even though MTV is suing you for Thad killing Carson Daly? DONNER Actually, they're not suing so much for that as they are suing for Snoopy whizzing on their set. LIAM So all that cash we made is going to them? DONNER Basically, yeah. LIAM I'm sorry to hear about that. DONNER It's okay. I found a way to make a bunch of money and a way for Thad, Bippo, Jesse and Jonathan to pay me back for all the damage they caused at the same time! STACY How is that? Thad, Bippo, Jesse and Jonathan walk in Liam's apartment wearing KISS makeup and outfits. JESSE I wanna rock and roll all nite! And party every day! WHOO! STACY Here we go again… FADE OUT ROLL CREDITS Please Rate
"N*STINK" Sucks >> >> >> Wonderful!

Results