Or

Spam I Am,

Spam I Am,

I really hate that Spam I Am!

But iRewards-Dreck doesn’t care,

Send messages they dare!

They say your hairs are dissapearing like flies,

And that real men should think about their "size",

And that cheap mortgages are a click away,

And that you must reduce your debt today,

But only their way!

Did I ever say I wanted this junk?

I feel like finding this punk,

And strangling that Spam I Am!

Screw-uREWARDSTECH doesn’t really care,

They’re so unfair,

They penalize those with long email addresses,

By not letting them opt-out,

And giving you no address to which to conveniently shout!

Or any phone-number!

What a bummer!

I am comfortable with my size, I don’t need it long, Nothing’s wrong with my hair,

Our money’s in order, you are all wrong, You deserve to be strapped to an electric chair!

I never willfully opted in,

And your deceptive practices,

Of attaching multiple sender-names,

To every same piece of junk,

Makes me know just how sleazy you are!

Spam-You-Are, iREWARDS-DRECK,

Well….screw youREWARDSTECH!

Author Notes: This is a critique of iREWARDSTECH, some "newsletter" that's nothing more than spam. I never opted onto their list. And guess what, I can't opt out, because my email address is too long. And while there's an opt-out page there's no opt-in page, which leaves me very suspicious. Not to mention every email I get from them uses a different sender name. So while I get the same 4 or 5 messages from them constantly (sometimes multiple copies of the SAME MESSAGE at the SAME TIME), each time it has a different name in the "from" section. Be honest and put "iREWARDSTECH NEWSLETTER" or something like that. As I said, it's not really a newsletter at all. It's just spam, pure and simple. And the subject lines, things like "all women agree, bigger is better" are just attrocious. Someone will probably contain that I'm "tarnishing their image". No I'm not, they're doing a good enough job of doing it by themselves, without my assistance. I have a list of demands for them…

1) Allow longer email addresses in the opt-out page….not everyone had something as simple as

2) Refer to what they send as "advertising", not "Newsletters"

3) Use a standard "sender", something such as "iREWARDSTECH OFFER" or something like that, using the sender-names is deceptive and dishonest. If they're dishonest about that, how do I know they aren't dishonest about the stuff they're advertising?

4) Quit it with the confusing multiple subject headings that demean us, such as "I'll like you more if you don't go bald" and "size DOES matter". Actually that line is "All Women Agree, Size Matters, So Go Big NOW!"…Just WHERE do they get off claiming to be the mouthpiece for "EVERY WOMAN", is Whitney Houston running things or something? They can have plenty of interesting subject headings with out making us look like morons.

5) While they're at it, try doing some research? I'm a 23 year old male who right now has no cash problems and no hair problems. As for the other thing, I do not have an inferiority complex about my size. So SHUT UP about it already.

6) Include a phone-number for complaints and comments. Ditto an email address. The fact you're not doing this suggests you do have something to hide.

And if anyone at that "corporation" accuses me of tarnishing their image…tell you what, as soon as you learn to respect us, maybe we'll try harder to respect you, OK?

~Ra'akone

Ok, now that I got that out of the way...coming soon to Convolutica-Obfuscationica…"The Queen of Twist - Part One"…WATCH FOR IT!