THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
SEASON PREMIER
Episode 3.01 - "Out of the Frying Pan..."
Written by Jason Gaston PREVIOUSLY ON THE LIAM SMITH SHOW --- Episode 2.27 - "Tomorrow is Yesterday or Something" --- INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT LIAM Stacy... Would you do me the great honor of being my bride? Stacy is silent. LIAM That means, "Will you marry me"? STACY I was NOT expecting this. LIAM Neither was I, isn't it great? STACY Yes, Liam. I will marry you! --- Episode 2.34 - "Much Ado About Knotting" --- INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT LIAM Capeman quit? Why? DONNER I dunno... I guess the greedy SOB didn't like giving me a cut of his take and he's going to go freelance now. He's been acting all funny ever since MIR landed on him. --- INT. HELL SATAN Over the last few months, I've been in contact with... Something. SCRAPPY Something? SATAN Something ancient... Evil... Older than hell. SCRAPPY What is it? SATAN It's some vestige of evil that existed before I became the fallen one... It's pure evil so old that it's true origin has been lost to the ravages of time. SCRAPPY And... YOU fear it? SATAN At first, but now that I understand what it is... I'm going to use it. --- INT. UPDA CREEK LOBBY CAPEMAN Professor? ARTURO Yes? CAPEMAN I finally know... I understand everything! The cloud is lifted. --- INT. UPDA CREEK LOBBY ELVIS I now pronounce you man and w-- VOICE STOP!!! Everyone turns around to see a woman in her fifties standing at the front door. LIAM (whispers) Oh... My... God! DONNER What? What is it? Who is she? Want her ass kicked? I'll hire it done! LIAM That's... That woman is my MOTHER! --- LIAM'S MOTHER makes her way down the aisle. She is clearly emotional at the reunion. LIAM'S MOTHER Oh, my baby! I had to come! I couldn't stand the fact that my child was getting married and I wasn't here for it. Well, mommy's here and she's isn't leaving you again. Liam's mother takes Stacy by the hand. LIAM'S MOTHER My darling daughter. LIAM WHAT!? BIPPO Waaaaaaaait a minute... If Stacy is your daughter... LIAM ...and SHE's my mother... Liam's Mother looks shocked as she looks at Liam obviously unsure who he is. THAD ...then that means... STACY ...we're... LIAM Oh... DAMMIT!!! --- AND NOW THE CONTINUATION... INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT We have an extreme close-up of the picture of BABY LIAM, HIS FATHER, and HIS MOTHER on the wall. The camera pulls back as we hear sobbing and sniffling. Finally, we see STACY looking at the picture and crying. STACY (crying) I must have seen this picture a hundred times, but never took a good enough look at it. She turns around we sees LIAM SMITH and his long lost mother, HOLLY. HOLLY I still can't believe any of this. LIAM YOU can't believe any of this!? I'm about to get married to the girl of my dreams only to find out she's my sister! HOLLY Half sister. LIAM Whatever! Thank GOD Stacy was so gung-ho against sex before marriage otherwise I never would have heard the end of this! HOLLY Liam... LIAM I would've had to move to Arkansas and change my name to Jim Bob Nedd and start listening to Hank Williams. HOLLY Liam... LIAM ...would've started making tourists squeal like pigs or something. HOLLY Liam... I'm sorry. LIAM You're sorry? Oh, well I guess that makes everything so much better. You're sorry now everything can go back to the way they were. What a load of crap. HOLLY Stacy, sweetie, could you leave us alone for a minute. Stacy, still crying, nods and walks past Liam. The two don't even look at each other. Liam and Holly are alone. HOLLY Liam... You've grown into quite a handsome young man. Bet you're kind and gentle and... LIAM Oh, how would you know? You haven't even been around. HOLLY (hurt) Well, I'm here now. LIAM By accident. HOLLY True, but... LIAM I've been looking for you all my life and the second that I find you, you ruin it! HOLLY I didn't mean... LIAM Look, I really can't deal with this now, okay? I mean, I've just had my life wrecked, my hopes for the future dashed, and everytime I walk down the street there's always someone behind me humming to "dueling banjos". HOLLY Liam... LIAM I'm going to walk out that door and think about some stuff, but before I go I want to know one thing. HOLLY What? LIAM Why? Why did you abandon me? HOLLY Liam... You're a special child... LIAM Don't dance around the question. HOLLY I'm not. For some reason, the day I became pregnant with you, your father and I became the target for assassins. After you were born, we found out that it's wasn't us they were going after, but you... LIAM Me? Why? HOLLY Don't know. They tried everything to kill you, but you were protected by the best luck I've ever seen. Still, we knew that it wouldn't be enough to protect you so, we gave you up. LIAM What? HOLLY We dropped you off in an orphanage and made it look like you had burned to death in a house fire. We knew that the only way to protect you from the dark forces looking for you, was to make it look like you were dead and... Never see you again. LIAM I had no idea. And... Dad? HOLLY The strain was too much for us. We separated... Stacy, a child from a previous marriage of mine, went with me and I married the man she calls her father. He passed away a few years later. Liam is stunned at this. He walks into the kitchen. The camera follows him. LIAM The assassins? Who were they? HOLLY We don't know. We never found out. We knew that the only way to keep you safe was to never let them see us with you. LIAM But, if the assassins were after me as a baby, maybe their still after me and that would mean that you shouldn't be here now. A beat. LIAM Mom? A beat. LIAM Mom? Wh-- Liam walks back into the living room. Holly is gone. Liam is alone yet again. LIAM Mom? FADE TO: INT. HELL - SATAN'S THRONEROOM SATAN is watching Liam on a big screen TV. He turns to a nearby DEMON. SATAN Hmmm... Remember that baby I commanded you to destroy a couple decades back? DEMON Yes, master? Satan walks over to the TV and runs one of his talons across Liam's image. SATAN You'll never guess who he grew up to be. He laughs and pokes his talon THROUGH the TV screen. SATAN Found you! FADE OUT: --- THEME SONG (Sung to the Theme of "All in the Family") Summer lasts forever and a day, from now until the end of May. But now we're rested and ready to play. The season premire's today. It's the last season of this show, 'Bout fourty more episodes then no mo'. Just wanna end it before it gets old. And now it's the Liam Smith SHOOOOOOW!!! Olé! ---

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

STARRING

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

and
John Ryhs-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"

ALSO STARRING

Mike Nelson
as
"Thad Coffey"

Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

John Goodman
as
"Elvis"

Cameron Diaz
as
"Stacy VaVoom"

David Peckinpah
as
"Satan"

and
Academy Award Winner, Jason Gaston
as
"Donner"

SPECIAL GUEST STAR

Della Reese
as
Madame Dyna

INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT - A FEW DAYS LATER THAD, BIPPO, ARTURO, DONNER, ELVIS, and Liam are there. THAD Still no word? LIAM No. It's like she disappeared from the face of the Earth... Again. And Stacy isn't even speaking to me. She's probably humiliated. God, I had so many questions and now she's gone again! BIPPO Tough break, man... Reminds me of the time that I told my parents I was going to clown school. They were so supportive of my decision and I like to think that it turned me into the man I am today. LIAM How does that relate? BIPPO It doesn't... At least in no way I can figure. Why'd you bring it up for, stupid? ARTURO Whatever her reasons, my boy, I'm sure they were important. LIAM It's just so much to take in. I feel like I'm going to develop an ulcer or my hair's going to fall out or I'm going to get all bloated and moody. DONNER What? Become like the professor? Well, we can't have that now, can we? ARTURO WHAT!? Well, I NEVER!!! DONNER Exercise? It shows. Now, let's talk about something more important... Namely me! Do you know that Capeman's cancelled almost all of his endorsements and action figure deals? Something about the companies employing underaged children in Somalia or something, but the way I see it, work takes their minds off of starving. ARTURO Your lack of compassion knows no bounds. DONNER Yeah, amazing isn't it? ELVIS So Capeman quit and generally hates you and stuff. Yeah, when you suddenly and inexplicably develop a sense of decency, that happens. What are you going to do now? DONNER I've been investing in several key stocks most notably, dot-coms. I think they're about to make a comeback! Lighting flashes in the background. Donner looks, but shrugs. BIPPO Dizzam, people! The stress levels in this room are cramping my libido If it wasn't for my serene restraint, I might be a tetch testy! Bippo sees a fly on the opposite wall and shoots it with a 9mm. BIPPO Heh... I said "teste". ARTURO These are trying times. ELVIS Yeah. A long pause. DONNER Aw, hell... ALL RIGHT! Enough with the moping and the trying times and the shooting of insects and stuff! I'm taking all of you to the Bahamas! Everyone looks at Donner. ELVIS Why? DONNER Well, it was going to be Liam and Stacy's wedding gift from me but since they're not getting married on account that their half-siblings which I think is really gross and stuff... THAD You're seriously taking us all to the Bahamas? Even me? DONNER Well, as long as your vaccinated against all canine diseases, I think you'll be good to go. Thad gets pissed and goes for his patch. Bippo catches his hand. BIPPO No! Kill him AFTER we're there! THAD Good point! DONNER So, what do you say? Speak fast before I renig the offer out of greed and spite because I do deep down hate all of you for the meaningful relationships you have and rich full lives you live. LIAM Oh, what the hell... BAHAMAS, HERE WE COME!!! EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS Liam, Donner, Bippo, Thad, Arturo, and Elvis carry luggage to the awaiting pick-up truck. LIAM BAHAMAS, HERE WE COME!!! EXT. LAS VEGAS - A BUSY HIGHWAY Liam, Donner, Thad, Arturo, Elvis, and Bippo are stuck in traffic. LIAM BAHAMAS, HERE WE-- EVERYONE Oh, SHUT UP! FADE TO: EXT. THE BAHAMAS - AERIAL SHOT The beautiful islands can be seen below in the clear blue water. INT. NASSAU AIRPORT Liam, Thad, Elvis, Bippo, Donner, and the professor disembark the plane and enter the airport. DONNER Wow, it's humid here! This is going to be murder on my hair. LIAM Wow! I can't believe that we're in the Bahamas! Four-thousand miles away from almost all of my problems and pain! ARTURO What do you mean "almost" all? LIAM Well, you guys are here. Everyone looks at Liam. ELVIS And just what do you mean by that? LIAM No offense, guys... But some of you are pains. DONNER Now, now, now... Everyone... Give Liam a little leeway. After all, the little c-(bleep!)-ksucker has been through quite a bit. Let's just get on the bus and go to the hotel. THAD I'll meet you guys there. I'm going to catch a bus and go to the straw markets and get me some of them duty-free souvenirs. BIPPO Yeah, I like it when stuff I buy is dooty-free... Especially food products. I'll go with you, Muttly. Thad and Bippo walk off. DONNER Morons. ARTURO Well, I'm absolutely exhausted. Shall we go to our hotel? DONNER Yeah, but I have to warn you... It's not as nice as I'm used to. INT. A HOTEL Liam enters and flips on a light switch. Thousands of cockroaches scurry out of the light as Liam gazes upon the travesty that is his excuse for a room. He walks over to a window and opens it revealing a brick wall. LIAM Oh well, at least the island is beautiful. Yep, this is truly paradise. He turns and we see a mosquito the size of a small cat resting on his shoulder sucking blood out of his neck. LIAM (annoyed, to the mosquito) Aren't you done yet? The mosquito flies off. The phone rings. Liam answers it. LIAM Hello? DONNER (over phone) Get your room? LIAM Yeah. DONNER (over phone) What'd you think? LIAM Well, I've got to admit that I am a little disappointed. DONNER (over phone) Well, you wanna see something pathetic. Come take a gander at MY room! INT. DONNER'S ROOM Donner and Liam are standing in the middle on an extravagant suit. There are songbirds, a wet bar, a hot tub, a large vibrating bed, and huge aquarium where small blue sharks are swimming. DONNER (points to aquarium) I said TIGER SHARKS!!! Sometimes I don't even know why I bother. So, how are you enjoying de islands? LIAM Oh, their great. It's so peaceful here and everyone's so friendly... Well, except for the visiting Americans, but they're all assholes. DONNER Yeah, I have plans to buy my own island out here and call it Saint Honky. LIAM Boy, that would be nice, huh? Not having to worry about coming home to anything... Just staying out here and soaking in the sun and surf. Arturo enters wearing a pair of swim trunks. ARTURO Fabulous idea, my boy! Care to join me on the beach? I plan to get a tan! DONNER Asking a lot of the sun, aren't you? ARTURO Hah! Any other day that comment would have made me lash out in anger and fury, but there's something about this place that just makes me so mellow... So peaceful. DONNER (disappointed) Well, there goes my potential for enjoyment. The day I can't tear down my fellow man to make myself look big is a sad day indeed. ARTURO We'll light a candle for you. Coming Liam? LIAM Sure! They exit. One of the sharks in the tank swims by, does a backflip and chirps like a dolphin. DONNER Oh, stop showing off! EXT. THE STRAW MARKET Thad and Bippo make their way through the crowded market. Bippo is reading a pamphlet. BIPPO Wow, it says here that the vendors in the Straw Market lease their spaces for a dollar a day and usually don't vacate them until the day they die. I wonder how much free space I can scare up while I'm here. THAD Get those thoughts out of your mind, Bippo... I mean, I'm a werewolf and if I can control myself then you can too. BIPPO I'm just kidding, Lassie. No, I shall leave the peaceful people of this fair island alone and that is my solemn vow. A little kid bumps into Bippo. BIPPO I'LL KILL YOU!!! I mean, watch it there, bucko. LITTLE BOY Oh, sorry sir, but I wanted to see if you wanted to buy a reed flute. He holds up a box full of homemade reed flutes. THAD I don't know... I can't play the flute. BIPPO Oh, where's you sense of adventure? Bippo hands the kid some money. BIPPO Give me two. One for me and one for killer, here. A woman walks up to them she is DYNA. DYNA Oh, chile, you can't be happy wit' dose little t'ings LIAM Dis is my momma. DYNA Dyna, at your service. She tousles Thad's hair. DYNA Oh, such a handsome young man! Such a good looker deserves an instrument of higha' quality. Take dis one. She hands Thad a hand carved wooden flute adorned in ribbon. THAD It's beautiful, but I can't afford it. BIPPO What do you mean? I know that you brought six hundred bucks with you! Every vendor in the market stops, grows deadly silent, and all of the Vendors look at Thad licking their lips. DYNA Take it, chile. Consider it a gift from me to you. THAD Oh, well... I appreciate it. Let me give you something for it... DYNA No, chile. You take and make ol' Dyna happy. Maybe in de next life you can do something nice for me, No? THAD No. I Mean, yes. I Mean... Well, all right. Are you sure? DYNA Take and be happy. It does me ol' heart good. THAD Well, thank you very much. Dyna and the little boy walk away. THAD Well, that was nice of her. There is a small commotion and Bippo and Thad look up and see the vendors of the market closing in on them holding their merchandise. BIPPO Uh-oh... The vendors know you have money! They've got the scent of your blood, my man. THAD What? Oh... Don't worry about it. If they try to sell me something I don't want, I'll just politely say no and walk away. EXT. THE HOTEL Liam and the Professor are on the beach sipping drinks with those little umbrellas in them. Thad and Bippo walk by with enormous armloads of junk from the markets. THAD I'm such a weakling. BIPPO "Pussy" is the word I'd use. They walk past Liam and the professor who pay them no notice. ARTURO I could ask, but why bother getting involved? LIAM Amen, professor. EXT. NASSAU TOWN Donner and Elvis are boarding a boat in the harbor. The BOATMAN is helping people on board and A MUSICIAN is playing a song on a guitar for the passengers. In the background, we see several large CRUISE SHIPS. BOATMAN (calls out) All aboard for Paradise Island! ELVIS (to Donner, pointing to cruise ships) Wow, take a look at those boats! DONNER You'll be able to get a better look at them later. We're going to take one around the Caribbean in a few days. ELVIS Wow, you rule man. DONNER I know and it's so good of you to admit that. ELVIS Such a beautiful view. DONNER Yeah. You know, it's funny but this sort of reminds me of those special TV show episodes where the cast goes on vacation to, like, Disneyland or something and get into trouble. Sort of like the Seavers going to Hawaii or the Bundys going to London, and the Bradys going to the Grand Canyon. ELVIS God, I hate those episodes. DONNER Me too. The camera pivots over to the musician. MUSICIAN (singing, finishing up) My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling... I want you to play with my ding-a ling! Everyone applauds. DONNER I've heard better. MUSICIAN Tank you very much, you are all so kind. I wish you a pleasant journey and a safe trip to your homes. Now, before I leave I ask of you one favor. I am not employed by dis boat, and I make my livin' from tips from you kind people, so if you don't mind... He begins passing around a hat for everyone and the passengers gladly put in money for him. The hat comes to Donner. ELVIS Well? DONNER Well, what? ELVIS Aren't you going to give him anything? DONNER Like what? ELVIS Like a tip? DONNER (to musician) Oh, you want a tip? MUSICIAN Yes sir, if you don't mind. DONNER Okay, how about this for a tip. Never pet a burning dog, how's that? Keep the change! The musician takes the hat and storms off. ELVIS That was rude! DONNER Oh, come on! I've been to the Bahamas before and these natives are all masters of getting their hands on your money. Oh, give me this! Give me that! My children are starving! Well, I decided this time that I'm not going to give in! ELVIS You're a bastard, you know that? DONNER Yeah? And you're fat. EXT. NASSAU TOWN The musician walks through the street and into a small hut in the straw market. The camera centers on the sign on the door: MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS The Musician enters. MUSICIAN Madame Dyna!? Dyan enters with the little boy. DYNA Yes, can I help you? MUSICIAN I know dat you practice Sandria. DYNA I have no idea what you're talking about, now get outta here before-- MUSICIAN You practice the forbidden black arts. DYNA GET OUT! MUSICIAN Oh, don't worry about me, Dyna. I'm not going to report you, I want to hire you. DYNA Go on. MUSICIAN There is this man, Jason Donner... Every year he comes here and every year he stiffs me on my tip. I want you to place a spell on him. DYNA I don't have dee time. MUSICIAN Just a little spell... Make his hair fall out or give him boils or something! I pay you! He gives her a hundred dollar bill. DYNA Ah, well... Dat is different, isn't it? I am pressed for time, so I will cast a spell of bad luck. I need a personal object of his. The musician holds up his shoe. DYNA That's yours. MUSICIAN He spit on it. DYNA That'll do. Dyna takes the shoe and drops it in a cauldron. DYNA Cumbawumba tito jermane latoya woo tang clan! The caldron explodes in light. DYNA It is done. MUSICIAN What did you do, you crazy witch!? DYNA I cast the spell of ill fate. Dis man you despise will have poor luck until his heart turns pure or until he dies... Whichever comes first. Here is your five year or 2000 curse guarantee. She gives him a rolled up paper. MUSICIAN How do I know it's going to work? EXT. THE BOAT Donner and Elvis are underway to Paradise Island. Suddenly, a bird craps on Donner's shoulder. DONNER Oh, man! Would you look at that!? More poop falls on his other shoulder. DONNER What the--? Poop begins to shower from the sky. Donner dives underneath the bench. INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS As before. DYNA Trust me. Now go. Madame Dyna has work tah do. The musician leaves. DYNA Good... Now I can begin. INT. THE HOTEL - NIGHT Arturo and Liam are at the bar. LIAM This has been the best vacation I've ever taken. ARTURO Me too. A few years ago, I took a trip to Hawaii, but that's nothing compared to this. How about you? LIAM Oh, I didn't get to do much at the orphanage... Once we went to the laundromat and then there was that time I got to go outside. Oh, and once I saw a blimp! Arturo looks at him. ARTURO (changing subject) Oh, look! Here comes Thad and Bippo! Thad and Bippo enter. LIAM How are you enjoying this place, guys? THAD It's terrible! We've been here six hours and I'm already broke and have five suitcases full of useless crap! BIPPO And I haven't found a single cat on this entire island! All I could find was this stupid looking guinea pig thing. ARTURO Yes, it's called a hutia. BIPPO Well, whatever it's called it's stupid! It just sat there and squeaked quietly as it was lowered into the shark cage! No fight, no screams, no nothing! LIAM What? Was it part of a show? Bippo gives them a "Oops, I've been caught!" look. BIPPO Uh... Yeah! A show! Elvis and Donner enter. Donner looks like he's been through a blender. ARTURO Donner, what hap--? DONNER Don't ask. THAD Do I smell birdsh--? DONNER DON'T!!! Donner stomps off. ELVIS Poor guy's had a bad day, not that I feel sorry for him, 'cause he is a dick. So, professor... How's life on dee islands treating you? ARTURO Fine except for... ELVIS What? ARTURO Nothing. ELVIS What happened? LIAM Greenpeace came by and tried to shove him into the ocean. THAD HA! ARTURO It's not funny. LIAM Well, that is what you get for chum out of the fisherman's bucket. ARTURO I thought is was just really salty meat! THAD Well, I'm going to turn in for the night. I've got scuba lessons tomorrow on the reef. BIPPO Steer clear of the dogfish! THAD Har, har. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today. Thad exits. INT. THAD'S ROOM Thad enters and walks into the bathroom, having to kick several piles of junk out of the way he bought from the markets. On the end table next to the bed, the reed flute sits. Menacing music plays. INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS Dyna and the little boy are watching Thad through a crystal ball. DYNA Ah, der he is. Is de spell ready? LITTLE BOY Yes, master. DYNA Very well. Den let's begin. INT. THAD'S ROOM Thad walks to the bed with a glass of water. He looks at the flute. THAD Suddenly, I have the strange and incomprehensible urge to play this flute... It's almost as if there is an outside force acting on me. (a beat) Oh well! Thad picks up the flute and begins to play. INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS DYNA Oh, look. He's playing the flute. LITTLE BOY How, master? You haven't commanded him to... DYNA The Pops are playing a concert on PBS. Obviously, our werewolf has the individuality and strength of will of a common hutia. So much the better. LITTLE BOY You mean the flute isn't magical? DYNA No. If it was, do you honestly think it would sound like he was skinning a cat? LITTLE BOY But, why did you want me to give it to him? DYNA A sandria spell only works if you have a personal object of the victim. She holds up a strand of hair. FLASHBACK: EXT. THE STRAW MARKET Dyna tousles Thad's hair. DYNA Such a handsome boy. FADE TO: INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS As before. Dyna tosses the hair into the cauldron. DYNA And now, the spell of Akinis! Alanis Shania Aretha Uma Oprah KEANU!!! The caldron explodes in a light. INT. THAD'S ROOM Thad is lying in bed trying to sleep. Suddenly, his eyes open. Both are glowing werewolf yellow. INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS DYNA Go, my werewolf! GO AND KILL!!! INT. THE HOTEL HALLWAY Liam, Arturo, Bippo, and Elvis walk down the corridor. ELVIS ...and then he went to open his beach umbrella and was struck by lightning, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky! BIPPO Sounds like that voodoo that you do so well! ARTURO Bah! Donner is just having a run of bad luck. There's NO voodoo involved. Suddenly, the leg of a bed crashes through the wall and screaming is heard. LIAM That's Thad's room! BIPPO Why does HE always get all the good dates? A piercing howl comes from the room. BIPPO Listen to that! It's disgraceful! Let's watch! Elvis walks over to the wall and pulls the bed leg out of the wall. He looks in the hole. ELVIS Thad, good buddy, you okay in there? ELVIS' POV Through the hole, we see an empty trashed room. Suddenly, a giant werewolf head peers through the hole and roars at him. INT. THE HOTEL HALLWAY As before. Elvis jumps back from the hole and lands in Arturo's arms who drops him. ELVIS He's wolfed out! BIPPO Doy! He does that, like, every other day. LIAM HOW? He's still got his werewolf patch on! ELVIS Liam, we can't worry about the how! We have to worry about the why! ARTURO Wouldn't that essentially be the same thing? The "how" and the "why"? BIPPO Oh! Oh! Let's worry about the where! More crashing and banging from inside the room. ARTURO Look, the who, what, where, and why and all that other stuff aside, we have to get him to change back before... There is the sound of a window crashing. The room grows silent. ARTURO What's that? ELVIS Silence? ARTURO Right. So what happened to Thad? LIAM Maybe he's changed back? BIPPO Or he's lying in wait for us to open that door and check. ARTURO Dear lord, the clown actually had a point! BIPPO Scary, ain't it? LIAM So, what do we do? I mean, Thad may have hurt himself in there and could be dying or he could just be waiting for us to look in so he can chomp our heads! BIPPO Fear not, Liam. The clown has things well in hand. Bippo produces a cell phone. BIPPO Hello, room service? INT. THAD'S ROOM The room service lady enters with a cart. Liam, Arturo, Elvis, and Bippo creep in behind her. ROOM SERVICE LADY We der be anyt'ing else? BIPPO No thank you, bait. ROOM SERVICE LADY It's Betty. BIPPO Or so YOU think. Bait... I mean, Betty leaves. Arturo grabs a chicken leg off the cart and begins to eat. LIAM Thad? No answer. The room has been completely trashed. ELVIS I don't think he's in here. LIAM Then where could he have...? Liam stops. He sees something. LIAM Aw, crap. Guys, we have a problem. Arturo, Bippo, and Elvis runs to him and looks. ARTURO Indeed we have, Liam... Indeed we have. The camera pivots around to reveal a window. It's been broken and the curtains flap in the wind. Lightning flashes outside as a storm builds. Somewhere on the island, a wolf howl echoes. FADE OUT: ...TO BE CONTINUED!

Before freepolls shut down my review-its, this episode had a score of 4.1 out of 5.