THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 3.02 - "...Into the Fire"
Written by Jason Gaston PREVIOUSLY ON THE LIAM SMITH SHOW... --- Episode 3.01 - "Out of the Frying Pan..." --- INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT DONNER Aw, hell... ALL RIGHT! Enough with the moping and the trying times and the shooting of insects and stuff! I'm taking all of you to the Bahamas! --- INT. NASSAU AIRPORT Liam, Thad, Elvis, Bippo, Donner, and the professor disembark the plane and enter the airport. LIAM Wow! I can't believe that we're in the Bahamas! Four-thousand miles away from almost all of my problems and pain! --- EXT. THE STRAW MARKET Thad and Bippo make their way through the crowded market. Bippo is reading a pamphlet. BIPPO Wow, it says here that the vendors in the Straw Market lease their spaces for a dollar a day and usually don't vacate them until the day they die. --- DYNA Dyna, at your service. She tousles Thad's hair. DYNA Oh, such a handsome young man! Such a good looker deserves an instrument of higha' quality. Take dis one. She hands Thad a hand carved wooden flute adorned in ribbon. THAD It beautiful, but I can't afford it. --- INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS The Musician enters. MUSICIAN I know dat you practice sandria. DYNA I have no idea what you're talking about, now get outta here before-- MUSICIAN You practice the forbidden black arts. --- DYNA I cast the spell of ill fate. Dis man you despise will have poor luck until his heart turns pure or until he dies... Whichever comes first. Here is your five year or 2000 curse guarantee. --- INT. THE HOTEL Elvis and Donner enter. Donner looks like he's been through a blender. ARTURO Donner, what hap--? DONNER Don't ask. THAD Do I smell birdsh--? DONNER DON'T!!! Donner stomps off. ELVIS Poor guy's had a bad day. --- INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS As before. Dyna tosses the hair into the cauldron. DYNA And now, the spell of Akinis! Alanis shania... Aretha Uma Oprah KEANU!!! Go, my werewolf! GO AND KILL!!! --- INT. THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE THAD'S ROOM ELVIS He's wolfed out! BIPPO Doy! LIAM HOW? He's still got his werewolf patch on! --- INT. THAD'S ROOM Liam stops. He sees something. LIAM Aw, crap. Guys, we have a problem. Arturo, Bippo, and Elvis runs to him and looks. ARTURO Indeed we have, Liam... Indeed we have. The camera pivots around to reveal a window. It's been broken and the curtains flap in the wind. Lightning flashes outside as a storm builds. Somewhere on the island, a wolf howl echoes. --- AND NOW, THE CONTINUATION... --- THEME SONG (Sung to "Who Let the Dogs Out" - I'm Sorry). Well the vacation was nice and there were no worries (yippie ya yo) Until the Thad man went all out nuts! (yippie ya yo) Now the gang must hurry up and find him. (yippie ya yo) Before he spatters the Bahamas with guts! (and other innards!) Who let the dog out? (woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!) Who let the dog out? (woof, woof, woof, woof!) Who let the dog--- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (The werewolf jumps on the Baha Men and devours them) Werewolf: Rolay! ---

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

STARRING

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

and
John Ryhs-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"

ALSO STARRING

Mike Nelson
as
"Thad Coffey"

Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

John Goodman
as
"Elvis"

and
Grammy Recording Artist, Jason Gaston
as
"Donner"

SPECIAL GUEST STARS

Della Reese
as
Madame Dyna

Taye Diggs
as
"Bahama Mön"

and
Morgan Freeman
as
"LaFay"

INTRODUCING

Seann William Scott INT. DONNER'S ROOM DONNER comes out of the shower wearing a robe. He's got a huge bruise on his forehead. DONNER Ow! I can't believe I slipped and fell in the shower... Three times! God, it's like I've been cursed or something if I believed in all that hocus pocus voodoo mumbo jumbo! There is a knocking/scratching at his door. DONNER Ah, That must be room service... or the masseuse... Or the personal trainer... or the aromatherapist... Donner walks over and opens the door. The massive THAD/WEREWOLF Is there growling and drooling. Donner slams the door and looks at the camera. He then opens the door again, looks, and slams it again. DONNER Okay, I was wrong... Today COULD get worse. The werewolf begins to beat on the door. DONNER GAH! Donner runs for it as the werewolf SMASHES THROUGH the door. DONNER YOU STUPID DOG-MAN! I'M NOT PAYING FOR THAT DOOR! The werewolf turns towards him. Donner screams like a little girly man and runs for the balcony. EXT. THE BALCONY Donner runs out and locks the glass door behind him. DONNER GREAT! JUST GREAT! He begins to climb down the side of the balcony in an attempt to escape. The werewolf crashes through the glass door and tries to get at him, but Donner is too far out of reach. DONNER HA! HA! HA! Big stupid bag of fleas! You'll never hurt me down-- The metal rod he is holding onto begins to bend and break. DONNER Why me? Why couldn't this happen to poor people? EXT. THE HOTEL Near the pool, Liam, Arturo, Bippo, and Elvis are searching for Thad. ARTURO He's not in the hotel. ELVIS No sightings on the island so far. BIPPO I checked the women's bathroom four times and didn't see him. LIAM Damn! Thad's a werewolf and he's running amok on the island! He could be anywhere! DONNER (off camera) MOTHER OF FU--!!! Donner falls into the pool from above. The gang turns around and sees him. ARTURO Donner? Donner swims to the edge and pulls himself up. DONNER OW! OW! I have chlorine in my eyes! Chlorine! Donner runs to the beach to wash the chlorine out of his eyes. DONNER OW! OW! SALT WATER STINGING EYES! Donner runs back to the pool. DONNER GAH! CHLORINE!!! Donner runs back to the beach. He trips and falls and comes up with an octopus stuck to his face. DONNER AAAHHHH!!! IT'S GOING TO LAY IT'S EGGS IN MY STOMACH!!! CHESTBURSTER!!! CHESTBURSTER!!! Bippo runs up and yanks the octopus off of Donner's face spraying Donner with a healthy amount of ink. DONNER INK!!! INK IN MY EYES!!! INK IN MY EYES!!! Arturo catches him and slaps him. ARTURO GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!!! Arturo slaps him again. Elvis stops him. ELVIS Professor! Stop that! You're doing it wrong! Elvis slaps Donner several times. Bippo runs up and stops him. BIPPO No, no, no! Put your back into it. DONNER Actually, I feel a lot better now. Bippo smacks Donner several times. Camera pivots back to reveal a long line of people forming behind Bippo all ready to get a piece of Donner. DONNER GET OFFA ME!!! This ain't no general admission slapping show and if it is, I want a cut of the box office! Everyone groans and walks off. ARTURO Why are you dressed like that? LIAM What happened to you? Why did you fall? DONNER Gravity, Liam. A lot like the Professor's waistline. ARTURO How DARE you!? DONNER Easily, I assure you. Now, as to what happened to me and why I'm dressed in my robe... Your freaking pet werewolf tried to turn me into Alpho in the shower! BIPPO What was Thad doing in your shower, you naughty man? LIAM Thad came after you? DONNER Yeah! Me! Of all people, why me? ARTURO Because you're a selfish, self centered waste of space who took no qualms about making fun of him and ridiculing him for your own twisted amusement? DONNER The question wasn't directed at you, okay Professor Wiseass? What's with the shaggy man anyway? Someone piss in his flea bath this morning? BIPPO (sheepishly) Would... That have anything to do with it? LIAM He just transformed for no reason at all and went nuts. I guess he went after you out of pure instinct. DONNER Well, that's not the only thing that stinks. LIAM But... Why? Why after a year, would he just turn totally evil? ELVIS Maybe... There is a scream. The gang runs out of frame to investigate. Donner trips and lands head-first into a garbage can. DONNER DAMMIT!!! EXT. THE HOTEL In an alleyway, there is a small crowd around a body. A couple of policemen are keeping them at bay. Liam and the gang runs up and are stopped by the police. POLICEMAN Stop! No farther! You canna see dis, it's too gruesome. LIAM It's all right, we're Americans. We're desensitized. POLICEMAN Oh, well go on through den. They do. Arturo bends over and inspects the body. ARTURO Torn to pieces. This is the work of our wayward werewolf. POLICEMAN WEREWOLF? ARTURO Who was the victim? POLICEMAN A shopkeeper in dee straw market. He sold beads, wood carvings, and pirated copies of Kari Wuhrer movies. LIAM WHY, GOD!!! WHY!!! (silently, to Arturo) We need to find Thad quick! ARTURO Agreed. (sniffs) Do I smell garbage? DONNER (sour) Shut up. They walk off. POLICEMAN A werewolf, eh? DIS looks like a job for Bahama Mön! The policeman rips off his shirt revealing that he is, BAHAMA MÖN! BAHAMA MÖN Yes, Bahama Mön... Dee sworn protector of dah Bahamas! Dee large older brother of the oppressed who beats up the bullies who prey on dee innocent! Dee itch on evil's back that it just can't reach! The pigeon on wrong's new BMW! As GOD is my witness, I will DESTROY dis werewolf! Bahama Mön flies off into the night. EXT. NASSAU TOWN The werewolf is stalking it's prey in a dark alley. DYNA (V.O.) Dere, my werewolf. Dat is dee home of your next victim, now attack my killer... ATTACK! The werewolf jumps through a window, after which we hear all sorts of screaming and crunching sounds. After a few seconds, the werewolf jumps back out of the window and runs into the night. INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS Madame Dyna is watching the carnage on a crystal ball. DYNA Excellent! Soon, I will be successful and my competitors will be dead! HA! HA! HA! HA! CUT TO: INT. A HUT Someone unseen is watching Dyna on another crystal ball. A hand sprinkles a powder over the ball. It switches to Thad/Werewolf stalking the streets. VOICE Thad, can you hear me? EXT. NASSAU TOWN Thad/Werewolf is sniffing around looking for his next victim when he reacts to the voice. VOICE (V.O.) Thad, can you hear me? Thad/Werewolf growls. VOICE (V.O.) Come to me, Thad. I can help you. Thad/Werewolf stops growling and turns, but before he can sprint off, BAHAMA MON lands in front of him. BAHAMA MÖN Dere! Foul abomination of nature, you have killed yet another innocent vendor of Nassau's straw market and for that, you will feel the wrath, the fist, and a couple of other body parts of BAHAMA MON!!! Thad/Werewolf attacks. Bahama Mon effortlessly knocks him to the side and into the side of a building. BAHAMA MÖN Foolish cur! You are the buzzing of a gnat! The hum of a mosquito! The rantings of Rush Limbuagh! Thad/Werewolf attacks again. Bahama Mon knocks him to the side again. BAHAMA MÖN KILLER!!! MURDERER!!! He punches the werewolf. BAHAMA MÖN MONSTER!!! ABOMINATION!!! He kicks the werewolf into the air. BAHAMA MÖN TOURIST!!! EXT. NASSAU TOWN Liam, Arturo, Bippo, Elvis, and Donner are walking along the darkened streets. BIPPO Thad! Here boy! Here boy! Bippo does a dog whistle. ARTURO I don't get it... We've found three bodies... All vendors at the straw market, does that seem odd to anyone else? BIPPO (laughing) That reminds me of something funny I was reading in part whu... Uh, I mean earlier today. Did you know that vendors in the straw market lease their spaces for a dollar a day and keep them until the day they die? DONNER (scratches chin) Die, you say? LIAM This is crazy! This island is five miles across and nineteen miles long! We'll never find Thad at this rate! DONNER (scratches chin) Rates, you say? ARTURO Does anyone hear that pathetic howling sound? DONNER (scratches chin) Sound, you say? The howling gets louder and louder. ELVIS Where's it coming from? KER-POW!!! The werewolf lands on Donner flattening him. LIAM SWEET JESUS! DONNER GAH!!! GET HIM OFF ME!!! GET HIM OFF ME!!! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!! I'M TOO RICH TO DIE!!! The others rush over and pull the werewolf off of him. LIAM Whoa! Whoa! It's all right, he's just unconscious! BIPPO Looks like he went twelve rounds in a tag team match with Gentle Ben and a weed whacker ELVIS Who could have done this? As if on cue, BAHAMA MON lands and points at the werewolf. BAHAMA MÖN Stand aside, clueless tourists! I must destroy that werewolf! LIAM You can't! You mustn't! You shant! BAHAMA MÖN I can, I must, and I shan. He's killed and killed and killed and he'll kill again unless I stop his reign of terror. There's a pattern, you see. DONNER Not so fast... Uh... Who are you? BAHAMA MÖN Bahama Mon, the hiccup during evil's monologue... The two-ply toilet paper on the ass of wrongness! The festered zit on crimes nose on date night! The viagra to... DONNER I get the idea. Would you guys distract this bozo for a few minutes. LIAM How? DONNER I don't know... BE CREATIVE!!! Donner gets out a cell phone and walks off to the side. Bippo, Elvis, Arturo, and Liam look at each other and shrug. They then join hands and begin dancing around Bahama Mon. EVERYONE Hey, hey! We're distracting you! Hey, hey! We're distracting you! ON DONNER Donner has a cell phone. DONNER I guess since I'm not alone I can call him. I mean, he did say he was going to kill me next time we're alone together... But if I don't call him, Thad's going to get creamed! (a beat) Not that I care, but then everyone else will get bummed and... (a beat, he dials) Capeman, listen to me... No, don't hang up. Look, I know that we're not exactly on the best of terms right now, but I need your help... Okay, I don't need your help but Thad Coffey does... You know, the werewolf guy? Well, he's running amok in the Bahamas and this guy named Bahama Mon is trying to kill him. Capeman? Capeman, did you hang up on me? CAPEMAN (O.S.) About five seconds ago. DONNER GAH! Donner whirls around and sees Capeman. DONNER Don't DO that! And DON'T hurt me! CAPEMAN (ignoring Donner) Sorry I'm late, but I had to drop off a movie at Blockbuster. You say that Bahama Mon is trying to kill Thad? DONNER Yeah, but... CAPEMAN Say no more. Capeman marches over to Bahama Mon who is, by now, dancing with everyone else. BAHAMA MÖN Hey, hey! We're distracting you! Hey, hey! We're... CAPEMAN Merv? BAHAMA MÖN GAH! Capeman? What brings you to dee islands. Is this another two bit scheme of yours to make more money? CAPEMAN I'm beyond that now, Merv... Listen, I have to talk to you. Capeman puts his arm around Bahama Mon's shoulder and leads him away and begins talking to him. CAPEMAN What I'm about to tell you cannot be repeated, understand? BAHAMA MÖN Yeah, mon. Capeman begins to talk to Bahama Mon, but we can't hear what they're saying. LIAM What are they saying? ARTURO I don't have the foggiest. Capeman and Bahama Mon walk back over to them. BAHAMA MÖN My apologies, my friends. We must get your pet werewolf to a doctor. LIAM Wait a minute, Capeman... You came all the way to the Bahama's to save Thad's life? Why? CAPEMAN Let's just say, I have my reasons. Capeman flies away. Bahama Mon walks over to the spot where Thad landed. DONNER What a freak. ARTURO That freak just saved the day... There's something different about him. More mature... More... DONNER Yeah, blah... Blah... Blah.... It was my free 100 minutes a month from AT&T that saved Thad too and I don't see any of you kissing my ass for it. BAHAMA MÖN He's gone! DONNER Who's gone? BAHAMA MÖN Dee werewolf! He's gone! ELVIS Must've gotten away while Capeman and Bahama Mon were talking. They looks down at the ground and see a little trail of blood that leads into the trees. BAHAMA MÖN At least he left us a trail. BIPPO Like Handsel and Gretle... Only it's blood, not breadcrumbs and a ferocious man-eating werewolf, not a couple cute kids. Let's hope to GOD there's a candy house in our future! LIAM Then, what are we waiting for? Let's go find him! They venture into the trees and overgrowth. Elvis pushes a branch out of the way and unknowingly sends it smashing into Donner's face. DONNER DAMMIT!!! BLACK. Overhead, there are towering thunderheads. The camera pans down to THAD standing on a rocky surface. THAD Hello? Anyone there? Where am I? DEEP EVIL VOICE Thad Coffey... THAD Yo? The thunderstorms coalesces into the face of a wolf. This is the WOLF-GOD WOLF-GOD You troubling little cub. THAD Eep! WOLF-GOD Well, go on... What do you have to say for yourself? THAD Don't kill me? WOLF-GOD Kill you? Why would I want to kill you when I am the one who spawned the entire race of being to which you belong THAD Whu..!? Who are you? WOLF-GOD I am... THE WOLF-GOD!!! INT. A HUT The werewolf is lying on a table breathing softly. It is severely injured. The camera pulls back to reveal a man in robes sprinkling powder over the body. He is Lafay. LAFAY You poor creature. Liam, Elvis, Bippo, Arturo, and Bahama Mon enter. LIAM The trail leads in here and... HEY! Who are you and what are you doing to Thad? LAFAY Relax, my friends... I have been expecting you. I am LaFay... A visitor to this land. I am a disciple of Voodoo. ELVIS (alarmed) Voodoo!? LAFAY Yes, but do not let your American preconceptions color your judgement of me... Voodoo is not an evil practice. He sprinkles more powder on the werewolf. DONNER What is that? Some kind of mind control or zombie dilly powder? LAFAY It's potpourri... This creature stinks. BAHAMA MÖN What are you doing here, Voodoo priest? You know that Christianity is the primary religion here. LAFAY Like I said, Bahama Mon... I am a visitor here following an evil woman using Sandria. LIAM Sandria? ARTURO It's the opposite of Voodoo. An evil practice of mind control and zombification. LAFAY Correct, professor Arturo. ARTURO You know my name? LAFAY I know all about you and your friends. Elvis, the lost son. Liam, the child of destiny. And the creature bordering on the thin line between darkness and light. BIPPO Thad, huh? Well, what about me? LAFAY I WAS talking about you. BIPPO Ah, touche! DONNER Look, Tammy Faye... LAFAY LaFay. DONNER Whatever. What the hell are you doing with the Thad man? LAFAY He is cursed by the evil one, Dyna. BIPPO That woman in the straw market? LAFAY The same. She cursed him to be her slave. ARTURO Why? I mean, Thad Coffey is probably one of the most useless people in the world! LIAM I hate to say it, but he's right. We've been working together at Circus Circus for over two years and I STILL don't know what he does there! LAFAY That, I do not know. All I do know is that Dyna is using Thad as an assassin for a devious purpose. BIPPO Wait a minute! This reminds me of something! RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: EXT. THE STRAW MARKET Thad and Bippo make their way through the crowded market. Bippo is reading a pamphlet. BIPPO Wow, it says here that the vendors in the Straw Market lease their spaces for a dollar a day and usually don't vacate them until the day they die. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: INT. LAFAY'S HUT As before BIPPO Nah, I'm sure it isn't relevant. LAFAY If only we knew her motives. DONNER Yeah, yeah... Blah, blah, blah... Can you PLEASE say something useful? LAFAY Of course, cursed one. DONNER Excuse moi? LAFAY Yes, Dyna placed a curse of ill fate on you. Have you not noticed the bad luck you've been having? DONNER I have not not noticed the... No wait, I have not not not noticed the bad luck! It's just a bunch of hockum and horseshi-- WHAM! A little section of the ceiling falls on him. LAFAY You were saying? DONNER ARG! That WITCH! ARTURO Look, enough about Donner... Let's talk about something worth wasting breath over. What can you do for Thad? LAFAY I have opened the door for him, it is up to him to go through it. EXT. THE DARK PLACE The dark clouds above form the face of the WOLF-GOD. THAD looks up in awe. THAD Awe! What do you want from me? WOLF-GOD I want nothing, Thad... Just for you to stop this senseless charade you are living... You are a werewolf. You're better than what you are. THAD Oh, so I suppose you're going to tell me the same load of crap that the brotherhood did about humans being our prey? WOLF-GOD I've never spoken to them... That honor I have reserved for you, one in whom I see great potential. THAD I don't kill. WOLF-GOD Never? THAD Well, at least not on purpose... Not for fun. WOLF-GOD Brave words, Thad... But you can't control the wolf. THAD Maybe I can learn. WOLF-GOD Many have tried and all have failed. You will be no different. Thad is silent for a long time. THAD I'm tired of being a failure. I was a failure in high school, a failure as a son, a failure at work, and a failure as a human being... Now I'm not a human being anymore. I guess I should be seeing this as a new beginning and not a handicap. Didn't that old dead Chinese guy say something about turning weaknesses into strengths? WOLF-GOD Cunfucious? THAD No, for the first time I understand! To hell with you, to hell with the brotherhood, and to hell with what anyone thinks! I am a werewolf! I've been trying to hide it and deny it and even looking for cures for the last two years, but I'm not going to do that anymore! I KNOW that I can control the werewolf... If the brotherhood taught me anything, they taught me that. No, I'm not going to control the wolf... I'm going to embrace it. I hate to sound like an after school special, but the only way you can control something is to make it a a part of myself. WOLF-GOD You're mad! THAD I don't think so. WOLF-GOD You'll never suceed! THAD (a grin) I just did. CUT TO: EXT. A LIGHT PLACE Thad is standing in the middle of a green pasture. LAFAY Congratulations, Thad. THAD I know you, don't I? LAFAY In a way. You have learned what many never can... To truly turn a fault into a strength, you must accept it. THAD Yeah, that's great and all... But I'm really confused now. Where are we? LAFAY This is a place of your own choosing. THAD Wait, you mean like one of those television episodes where everything takes place inside a character's mind? LAFAY In a sense. THAD I hate those. LAFAY I do too. THAD So... What exactly HAS happened, I mean... I don't feel any different. LAFAY It's time for you to rejoin your friends in the awake. Take the blue pill and you'll wake up in my hut where I have tended your injures. Take the red pill, and... THAD You're kidding, right? LAFAY Hey, don't blame me! I'm just a figment of your Matrix-influenced imagination. THAD Got some water? LAFAY How about some beer, instead? THAD Now you are talking MY language! INT. THE HUT - THAD'S POV Thad slowly opens his eyes and gets up. He sees Lafay. LAFAY Welcome back, Thad. He looks over and sees Liam, Arturo, Bippo, Elvis, and Bahama Mon. THAD Hey guys. Liam takes a step forward. LIAM Th-Thad? THAD Yeah? ARTURO How is this possible? THAD Guys, what's wrong? BIPPO This is soooo Twilight Zone! THAD What the HELL are you guys talking about!? DeFay steps forward and holds up a mirror. In the mirror, we see the reflection of Thad/Werewolf. LAFAY See for yourself. THAD/WEREWOLF Hey, how come I'm a werewolf and I'm talking and stuff? LAFAY Because you've cast out the wolf demon and your urges to kill... now, you and the werewolf are one and free of Dyna's spell. THAD/WEREWOLF Excellent! It's like Teen Wolf only not as eighties and no stupid sequel! This is better than a cure! Thad/Werewolf changes back into Thad, but it's not the Thad we're all used to. Rather, he is younger and physically different. THAD Hey, look at this! I can even change back to human whenever I want! This is sort of like that show on Fox Family... You know... "Angela Anaconda"! LIAM But you look different. You're younger. Thad goes to a mirror. THAD Hey, you're right! I AM younger! LaFay, how can I ever thank you? DONNER Try getting rid of MY curse! LAFAY I can't do that, Donner... You're curse is your own and I can't-- DONNER I'll give you five thousand dollars. LAFAY Deal. INT. MADAME DYNA'S SCENTS AND ELIXERS Dyna is watching her crystal ball. DYNA Blast! I cannot see anything in dis damn ball! Radio Shack is SO going to hear about dis! Where is my werewolf and why isn't he killing my enemies! Thad enters. THAD You talkin' to me? DYNA YOU! How did you find me? THAD It was easy. First, I had to ask myself who would profit from the deaths of other straw marketers... When I didn't know, I asked the professor and HE told me that if someone - that being you - wanted more market space, they'd have to wait until their neighbors died or, in this case, were horribly mauled and killed and stuff by a zombified werewolf - that being me. We didn't think it was any small coinkidink that all of the people you wanted me to kill had shops next to yours. DYNA I don't know how you escaped my spell, but you'll never leave this shop alive! Lighting bolts shoot out of Dyna's hands and strike the opposite wall. Thad wolf's out and jumps out of the way. He bumps against a covered rack, causing a tarp to fall revealing a giant STARBUCKS sign. THAD/WEREWOLF So THAT'S it! You're clearing the way for the most evil chain of them all to come to the Bahamas and rape it's natural beauty! DYNA Yes, and soon Starbucks will take over all dee Bahamas with ME in control! She fires again. Thad jumps out of the way. THAD/WEREWOLF NEVER! Now that I'm in total control of the wolf, I'm faster, stronger, and... Uh... Faster! DYNA But you are still stupid and you won't be so fast when you're dead! Dyna fires again. Thad is pinned under the giant Starbucks sign. DYNA Good doggie, now play dead! BAHAMA MON bursts through the wall. BAHAMA MÖN Not so fast, evil dooer! DYNA BAHAMA MON! BAHAMA MÖN Yes, the pop quiz during a villain's school day! The cell phone during evil's movie! The hole in the condom of naughtiness! Your days of being bad are numbered! DYNA I think not! Good-bye, fools! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Dyna throws down a pellet which erupts in a thick cloud of smoke. The smoke clears and we see that she has been changed into a white cat. DYNA/CAT What the...!? DAMMIT!!! Wrong pellet! Thad werewolf walks over and picks up the cat by the scruff of the neck. Dyna protests as he turns to Bahama Mon. THAD/WEREWOLF Thanks for not killing me, Bahama Mon. BAHAMA MÖN Think nothing of it, mon. Now that you're no longer a slave to dee wolf, I think that we may see more of each other in dee future. So, what are you going to do with her? He points to Dyna/Cat. THAD/WEREWOLF You mean your not going to take her to the proper authorities? BAHAMA MÖN Why bother with the paperwork? INT. LAFAY'S HUT Arturo, LaFay, Liam, Elvis, and Donner are present. Thad, now human again, hands the cat to Bippo. THAD Have fun. BIPPO Oh, I will... But not until we reach international waters. I'd hate to break any local laws. In the background, Donner is standing on one leg wearing nothing but a grass skirt and repeating "Oh wata luna am!" Over and over again. THAD Is this to cure Donner of his curse? LAFAY (silently) He's been cured over an hour... I'm just doing this because I don't like him very much. THAD Look, I wanted to thank you... LAFAY No thanks are necessary, Thad. All I ask is that you be careful. The demon wolf has been cast out, but his call is seductive and he may come to you in your weakest moment. The temptation to take him back will be great. THAD I'll be careful. So, what about you? LAFAY I'm going home... But perhaps, if fate is kind, we will meet again. THAD I hope so. Thad and LaFay shake hands. LaFay heads for the door. LAFAY That's enough, Mr. Donner... You're cured. Donner collapses with exhaustion as LaFay leaves. DONNER Tae Bo ain't got nothing on that work out! Talk about Abs of Steel! Look at these babies! LIAM So, now that you're in control of your wolf side now, what are you going to do, Thad? THAD I don't know, but I feel as if I'm staring a whole new chapter of my life! No more worthless old Thad Coffey... This is the birth of an all new worthless Thad Coffey! DONNER Well, if the all new and equally worthless Thad Coffey doesn't mind, I've had enough of these islands for a while. Let's go home! EXT. THE WOODS LaFay makes his way through the trees. Suddenly, he comes upon CAPEMAN. CAPEMAN Is it done? LAFAY Yes, Capeman. Thad Coffey is in full control and I gave him back ten years of his life as you told me to. CAPEMAN Good, he'll need it. (a beat) Blue Fairy, could you please take off that disguise? You're creeping me out! POOF! LaFay changes into THE BLUE FAIRY. BLUE FAIRY One of these days you're going to have to explain to me why I did what I just did. CAPEMAN Someday, Blue Fairy, I will... But now it's still a little hazy... I knew it had to be done, but don't know why. I have my reasons... Let's just leave it at that for now. BLUE FAIRY Whatever... if the Justice Squad ever got wind of this... UGh! I just hope we don't live to regret it. Blue Fairy flies off. CAPEMAN I hope we can live to do anything. EXT. THE OCEAN - THE NEXT DAY A giant cruise ship is sailing on the horizon. EXT. THE CRUISE SHIP Donner, Thad, Liam, Elvis, Bippo, and Arturo are on the deck. Bippo is reading a GPS locator. ARTURO (to Thad) Well, I have to admit, my boy, that I'm not only glad that you are all right, but that you've managed to wrangle in that monsterous creature you have a tendency to turn into. DONNER Yeah, but in some strange way I'm going to miss you freaking out and eating people for no reason. Suddenly, a MUGGER walks up to them with a gun. MUGGER Gimmie all your money! Thad instantly wolfs out and eats him. DONNER SONUVA--!! Thad turns back. BIPPO BITCHIN! LIAM Thad... THAD Yeah? Liam starts to say something, but changes his mind. LIAM Nevermind. Thad belches loudly and picks a sock out of his teeth. Bippo's GPS beeps. BIPPO INTERNATIONAL WATERS, BABY! Bippo takes Dyna/Cat out of the bag. BIPPO Oh, I have so many nasty things planed for you! DYNA/CAT How DARE you! BIPPO Easily. LIAM I'm not sure if I want to watch this. ELVIS It's going to be gruesome, yet I find I cannot turn away. Suddenly, a brilliant white light shines from above. ARTURO What the fuh!? Arturo, Elvis, Bippo, Thad, and Donner disappear. BIPPO (vanishing) All right, anal probes for all! EXT. THE CRUISE SHIP A giant UFO hovers over the cruise ship. After it's light beam clicks off, it shoots into the sky and out into space. FADE OUT: TO BE CONTINUED...!

Before freepolls shut down my review-its, this episode scored a 4.1 out of 5.