Author Note: This is a new idea of mine; let me know what you think.
Hi, I'm Lycinda, and I'm an accidental schizophrenic. Sounds like a bad
A.A. meeting doesn't it? And I'll bet you're all wondering how you can
accidentally pick up a mental disorder.
Truth is, you can't, but I'm the closest thing to it. I have a lot of
'worlds'. Home, school, a youth club, the local park, my therapists office
and my ex's house.
Not only did I seem to pick up a new nickname in every place, but also my
personality shifts accordingly. That would be my explanation as to why I am
an accidental schizophrenic.
At home I am known by my full name, Lycinda. I'm the kinda kid that gets
told, "I wish you could be like you could be more like your big sister"
except I don't have one, I'm the oldest. I blow off responsibility, my
room's a mess, homework's not done, I stay out late...you get the picture.
Funny thing is, if I go to my Grandma's I'm an absolute angel! Go figure.
In school, I am known to all authority figures as Lycinda, but my friends
call me Lyzie.
There is a little group of boys who call me Lyza, after hearing I hated it,
but they also find humour in throwing my books down a flight of stairs, so
I've never really classed their opinion as valid.
No one quite understands me at school. I'm silent unless very provoked,
which freaks out students and teachers alike. I know most of the answers
but I never raise my hand. I'll put up with being insulted three times but
on the fourth I'll snap. I never do my homework, but my class work is
'amazing'. I wouldn't say boo to a goose, but if someone comes into school
the day after pissing me off with a black eye, chances are it's my fault.
I'm a contradiction to say the least.
It was in detention, where I met the guy who introduced me to the gang at
the park, Ben. Down there, a few kids from school and some from 'around'
get to see another side to me, Lyla. We hang around, chat, smoke, drink,
the general teen 'hooliganism' that the government is so against. I trust
Ben and the others enough to know that they would usually be too stoned or
too loyal to me, to tell anyone at school what I'm like outside.
My mother insisted I attend a youth club, it was supposed to cure my
'rebellious streak'. The one she chose is full of the most stuck up snobs
the town has to offer. Much to my horror, it was safer if I blended in. My
devoted mother would have killed me had I tried to wear my usual gothic
mosher outfits there, and I had to become a prep. In that world I'm known
as Cindy. Full of energy, outgoing, bouncy and fun. The one who loves the
responsibility of organising events and the like. No matter what, I always
look on the bright side of life. I make myself sick sometimes, the way I
act. But it's all part of part of the fun.
My therapist knows me as Ms Martin, that's Ms with about six Z's. He's not
too bad I suppose, has been known to write half an hours worth of notes
before realizing the pen is upside down. He accepts me as I am I suppose,
although it's a therapist's job to be non judgemental, he's the first one
I've visited that isn't.
About three of my close friends and an ex know about my many disorders, but
he can list everything I have ever been accused of. Clinically Depressed,
Bipolar, Borderline, Paranoid, Obsessive Compulsive.. etc.etc. I'm no
expert but surly some of those contradict each other!! Can you be
clinically depressed and bipolar? I mean one is permanent the other you go
from depressed to not or something right! I don't know, even he says it's
"iffy" to have all I apparently have. All he is certain of is I have severe
depression at times, I'm obsessive compulsive, paranoid and I spend a lot
of time being some one I'm not.
The final group is where I am mostly myself. We all usually go round my ex
girlfriend's house. Yes I'm a girl too. No I'm not a lesbian. You do the
math, I'm not officially coming out of any more damn closets!! When I am
with these people is the only time I will dress fully goth. It is the one
label I will allow myself to fall under as it best suits what I am. I may
dress like a prep some days, a mosher others, but my attitude is always
I love each and every one of these people to death. They call me Lydia
since on the day I met everyone I looked like Lydia from Beetle Juice. We
normally go to Emily's house, as her parents are never around. But when
they are home we either go to someone else's or go to the woods. We
recently found a huge formation of stones that are pretty good to sit on.
So those are my worlds. Do you see what I mean now? I'm accidentally
schizophrenic. Aw it's not that bad. It sucks sometimes, but you learn to
live with it. It even gets easy after a while. You watch, now I've said
that, I'll fuck up and where goth clothes to the youth club knowing me! But
hey, that's life.