Feel free to actually answer every question. It's unpolished and hash for me, but it's been forever and a day since I posted original content and I need to play with some humps and bumps and lumps in my own writing.

The "kick" of the piece is supposed to be a refraction on the "Why write?" question. Going off my literary philosophy that writing should appeal directly to a specific audience, the natural reaction to the "why write?" question is "why read?"

ALL YOUR DEVIL ARE BELONG TO US!!!

[this is post 666! hurray! and here's to 666 more in this forum!]

Why read? To be educated; to be entertained; to expand views, opinions, ideas, thoughts; and occasionally to emote.

What are you reading for? For my mind, body and soul.

Are you reading for enjoyment? Yes.

What do you enjoy about reading? It allows me to temporarily remove myself from stress, worries, and other mental negativities.

Do you enjoy characters? Yes.

Do you enjoy the idea that a person, an entity separate yet nevertheless connected to an author can, for you, appear to be a real person? Yes.

Do you enjoy the construction of this individual, each detail about his body, his mind, his past, and his future, taking shape in your mind? Yes.

Do you enjoy feeling like you know this person, this personality, this list of emotions and description and prose and dialogue and words? Yes.

Do you read to learn more about these people, these characters? Yes.

Do you read for the mind of a character, their psychological profile, and why they do what they do, how they became who they are, and how it all can change? Definitely.

Do you like it when you feel like a character you like is put at risk, is threatened with death? Yes, so I can root for them and see what they're truly made of.

Does it get your blood going? Sure.

What if they die? I'll go through the stages of grief, in no particularly order.

What if they live? Then I'll be happy.

What if they are horribly scarred and maimed for life? Whatever doesn't kill them should make them stronger.

What if they wake up in a train station and have lengthy but rather weak dialogue with one of those characters you don’t like? Not something I prefer, but I'll be okay with it.

Do you read for irony and cheap shots? Most certainly.

Do you like knowing more than the characters do? Not really.

If something becomes worthless to you after you know the twist at the ending, why read at all? If I considered it "worthless" then there's no reason to read it at all.

Certainly, why reread anything? If it is worthy of a reread, it's worthy of a reread.

Do you read to feel better than what you read about, to feel above it, to feel better than it? No.

Do you like to make fun of characters that make funny sounds, that don’t know everything, that sometimes misspeak, and misstep, and misthink? I don't mock characters I can relate to.

Do you read for weakness? I don't understand this question.

Or do you read for meaning? Yes.

Do you read for allegory and metaphor and parable and history? Yes.

Do you read to feel like you know more about the world? To know more about anything, really. But I have a tendency to forget about 89% of everything I read in a matter of weeks.

Do you read for facts and figures? Yes.

Do you read for ethics? Yes.

Do you feel like you should be a better person after reading? No. I build no such expectation.

If not, why read? Knowledge is power.

To be a worse person? To not be a person at all? To be a person of power.

Do you read for the phenomena of reading, to construct events in your mind, and create meaning out of these things, these blobs of black ink on a white page, these words? Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Do you read because you think the platypus is a funny thing? Yes.

What exactly would be the plural of “platypus” anyway? Platypussies? That would be my guess.

(Do you read for sexual puns?) I'm afraid so.

When you read, do you imagine what you read as a movie, with you as the director of each scene, and each scene appearing exactly as you are pleased to have it? At times, yes.

Or do you read like a song, reading for the sound upon the ears, to tap your foot and dance to it? Also a yes.

Do you read for jokes, for laughs, for giggles and glees? Hells yeah.

Why did the platypus sneeze? To conceal his mild fart.

For the same reason it crossed the road? No, don't be silly. It crossed the road because it was playing the game of Chicken against other Platypussies.

Which came first, the chicken or the platypus? I'm going with the 'pus over the ** on this one.

Do you read to cry? Yes.

Do you read to feel something? Yes.

Do you read to feel like your world is about to crumble around you? I don't read to want to feel it. It just happens that sometimes I feel it after reading.

Do you read to feel afraid? Feeling afraid is feeling something, so yes.

Do you read to wonder whether when you turn around everyone you love will die? I read to wonder, yes.

Do you read to wonder whether you will live through the night? I'm curious, yes.

Do you read to give words to your nightmares? Yes.

Do you read to pass the time? Yes.

Do you read to get through that bus ride? What bus ride?

To survive the plane? The plane, the plane! Yes.

Do you read to die? Words can never hurt me.

Or do you read to live? I don't read to live, I live to read.

To get every last breath out of life? Yes.

Do you read to explore? Yes.

To go places you’ve never gone before, to see things you’ve never seen before, to hear things you’ve never heard before, to smell things you’ve never heard before? Yes, but I rather not smell things I've never heard before. Ever heard of "silent but deadly"?

Or do you read to stay in place, to stay exactly where you are? This is a yes too.

Do you read for plot? Yes.

Do you read to know who slept with who, who shot who, and who ends up with what? Yes.

Are you a Capitalist, you Marxist? Yes, Dr. No.

Do you read for characters to sleep with each other, shoot each other, and cheat each other? Yes.

Why read for the plot? Because I find them essential.

To witness a performance in your mind, of people making choices that matter to them and living by them? Yes.

As an example of how to live your own life? Not necessarily.

Or for the comedy of thinking of a situation you’ll likely never be confronted with? Yes.

Why read for the syntax, the diction, the putting of words together into complete sentences? Why read for words to fit in the right place, for a world without typos, for a page like a bridge? I admire written perfections.

But you do, don’t you? Yes.

Don’t you want the words to fit together to form something, a character, a place, an event, a piece of meaning? I desire it very much.

Why read? Do you read? Yes.

Or do your eyes merely gaze at a page? That's how I read.

Do you hate reading? No.

Do you love it? I like it a lot.

Why read? To celebrate that fact that I'm somewhat literate.

Why not? Illiteracy doesn't give one an option.

And whose reading, anyway? Readers.

Why read? Because there are good reasons to.

When you run out of questions, do you run out of hope? No, you just simply run out answers.

Who needs this hope, stuff, anyway? Apparently House does.

And who are you to be asking all these questions? Who else can I be?

Why read? Because, if you can, there are no good reasons not to.

And, as always Tofunky, I am left asking more questions from your answers than your answers seem to resolve. How do you read to emote? How can you read for the body?

Interesting that you don't like knowing more than the characters do; certainly such a technique doesn't work all the time, but it is the foundation for most dramatic irony, ala Shakespeare. The next question might be, do you prefer to know less than a character knows? I think each technique can be used badly: knowing too much more or too much less than the characters can be seriously distancing; it is the very basis for distance itself.

"If something becomes worthless to you after you know the twist at the ending, why read at all? If I considered it "worthless" then there's no reason to read it at all.

Certainly, why reread anything? If it is worthy of a reread, it's worthy of a reread."

Although I sympathize with your answer, I nevertheless must say that it avoids the issue at hand: if you read for that which is new, the new information on the page that you have not seen before, then why would you ever reread something? How can anything ever be worthy of a reread? After all, once you have read something, does not the memory have the capacity to recall what you read? Or do certain things demand rereadings, demand going through everything and seeing it again as though for the first time? Or, consider, if you don't like knowing more than the characters do, why reread? Don't you know more than the character does, then?

"...If not, why read? Knowledge is power.

To be a worse person? To not be a person at all? To be a person of power."

The Bacon enthymeme, echoed and refracted by Foucault, does offer a certain appeal. The discouragement of reading among American slaves has been one of the many particular symptoms, and causes, of the peculiarity of that institution. Yet, on the other hand, power is sometimes defined as the capacity to compel others, to spur others to act on your behalf. Reading, however, is often a solitary, nearly anti-social activity. Is there a contradiction here, do you define your terms differently, or does your reading result in sociality? After all, Francis Bacon, the person who spawned the "Knowledge is Power" quote also regarded the scientific method as akin to raping the natural world.

I somehow knew that you would be one to respond to each and every question. Yours is a beautiful mind.

Lots of reasons.

What are you reading for?

There is no ‘what’ for which I am reading, unless it is proper to call me a ‘what’.

Are you reading for enjoyment?

Whoddat?

What do you enjoy about reading?

Depends on what I’m reading.

Do you enjoy characters?

No. Well, sometimes.

Do you enjoy the idea that a person, an entity separate yet nevertheless connected to an author can, for you, appear to be a real person?

Sure.

Do you enjoy the construction of this individual, each detail about his body, his mind, his past, and his future, taking shape in your mind?

Depends on the details. I tend to feel the same way about characters as I’d feel about real people with the same traits.

Do you enjoy feeling like you know this person, this personality, this list of emotions and description and prose and dialogue and words?

Sometimes.

Do you read to learn more about these people, these characters? Do you read for the mind of a character, their psychological profile, and why they do what they do, how they became who they are, and how it all can change?

Sure.

Do you like it when you feel like a character you like is put at risk, is threatened with death?

Depends on whether I think they can handle it.

Does it get your blood going?

No. Well, sometimes. I guess.

What if they die?

I’m sad.

What if they live?

Depends on what capacity in which they live.

What if they are horribly scarred and maimed for life?

Sad, other things equal.

What if they wake up in a train station and have lengthy but rather weak dialogue with one of those characters you don’t like?

Irritated.

Do you read for irony and cheap shots?

I guess, though I find less and less pleasure in such things.

Do you like knowing more than the characters do?

I like knowing more than real people do, so sure. Er, if this is in reference to information about the fiction itself, then the answer is ‘depends’.

If something becomes worthless to you after you know the twist at the ending, why read at all?

Have you stopped beating your wife?

Certainly, why reread anything?

Because if the only value in a story is a twist at the end, then I probably have not had the patience to read the whole thing. In other words, the only fiction I care for has some value besides plot twists.

Do you read to feel better than what you read about, to feel above it, to feel better than it?

…No. Though to be honest, I’m not sure what this question means exactly.

Do you like to make fun of characters that make funny sounds, that don’t know everything, that sometimes misspeak, and misstep, and misthink?

No.

Do you read for weakness?

You mean like textual weaknesses? No.

Or do you read for meaning?

No, I read only what I perceive to be meaningless.

Do you read for allegory and metaphor and parable and history?

I tend to dislike allegory and metaphor and parable. I have a different attitude to history (even fictional history).

Do you read to feel like you know more about the world?

No, but I do read to know more about the world.

Do you read for facts and figures?

Sometimes.

Do you read for ethics?

Often.

Do you feel like you should be a better person after reading?

No. Simply reading something will never make a person a ‘better person’.

If not, why read?

To be a better-read person. Obviously.

To be a worse person? To not be a person at all?

Sure, I sometimes aim for the goal of being a worse person or non-person.

Do you read for the phenomena of reading, to construct events in your mind, and create meaning out of these things, these blobs of black ink on a white page, these words?

This sounds like the constitution of reading itself. Do you mean, do I read for the sake of reading? No.

Do you read because you think the platypus is a funny thing?

Not generally.

What exactly would be the plural of “platypus” anyway? Platypussies?

Platypi, I believe.

(Do you read for sexual puns?)

Not specifically, but I enjoy the good ones where I find them.

When you read, do you imagine what you read as a movie, with you as the director of each scene, and each scene appearing exactly as you are pleased to have it? Or do you read like a song, reading for the sound upon the ears, to tap your foot and dance to it?

Neither.

Do you read for jokes, for laughs, for giggles and glees?

Yes.

Why did the platypus sneeze?

Because you touch yourself at night.

For the same reason it crossed the road?

Yes.

Which came first, the chicken or the platypus?

They came at the same time, like in the movies.

Do you read to cry?

Not specifically.

Do you read to feel something?

Not specifically. It depends on what you mean by ‘feel’.

Do you read to feel like your world is about to crumble around you?

No. I feel like that all the time anyway.

Do you read to feel afraid?

No.

Do you read to wonder whether when you turn around everyone you love will die?

No.

Do you read to wonder whether you will live through the night?

No.

Do you read to give words to your nightmares?

My nightmares are generally soundless, and I prefer it that way.

Do you read to pass the time?

Yes.

Do you read to get through that bus ride?

Yes.

To survive the plane?

No, I put my tray table up and leave my chair in the full upright position when in pursuit of that that particular goal.

Do you read to die?

Yeah, but it hasn’t been working out very well.

Or do you read to live?

No. I breathe and eat and sleep to do that.

To get every last breath out of life?

No. I hyperventilate to do that.

Do you read to explore? To go places you’ve never gone before, to see things you’ve never seen before, to hear things you’ve never heard before, to smell things you’ve never heard before?

No. I go places, look at stuff, listen to stuff, and smell stuff to do that.

Or do you read to stay in place, to stay exactly where you are?

Yes. I read to stay where I am, reading.

Do you read for plot?

Sometimes.

Do you read to know who slept with who, who shot who, and who ends up with what?

Sure.

Are you a Capitalist, you Marxist?

I’m the best of both.

Do you read for characters to sleep with each other, shoot each other, and cheat each other?

Sometimes.

Why read for the plot? To witness a performance in your mind, of people making choices that matter to them and living by them?

Yes.

As an example of how to live your own life?

Rarely.

Or for the comedy of thinking of a situation you’ll likely never be confronted with?

Often.

Why read for the syntax, the diction, the putting of words together into complete sentences?

Because it’s fun.

Why read for words to fit in the right place, for a world without typos, for a page like a bridge?

Why not?

But you do, don’t you? Don’t you want the words to fit together to form something, a character, a place, an event, a piece of meaning?

Not much use for them otherwise.

Why read? Do you read? Or do your eyes merely gaze at a page?

Lots of reasons, yes, and no.

Do you hate reading? Do you love it? Why read? Why not? And whose reading, anyway?

No, no, because, various reasons, whoever wants to.

Why read?

Lots of reasons.

When you run out of questions, do you run out of hope?

No.

Who needs this hope, stuff, anyway?

There are no needs. Only wants.

And who are you to be asking all these questions?

Someone who wants to.

Why read?

Lots of reasons.

I have a nephew whom I read to every now and then. And when I do, I approach it as if I'm a world-class thespian.

How can you read for the body?

Cookbooks to nourish it, fitness books to strengthen it, and health and medical books to heal it. Reading for the body is pretty common, wouldn't you say?

Interesting that you don't like knowing more than the characters do; certainly such a technique doesn't work all the time, but it is the foundation for most dramatic irony, ala Shakespeare.

I thought the question was referring to aptitude and intellect, not actual data of the storyline. My answer was that I favor characters who are brighter than me over the ones who aren't.

The next question might be, do you prefer to know less than a character knows?

It all depends on what I'm reading. The knowing more wouldn't appeal to me with most mystery/detective fiction, and the knowing less is unsuited when -- as you already mentioned -- dramatic irony is involved.

I think each technique can be used badly: knowing too much more or too much less than the characters can be seriously distancing; it is the very basis for distance itself.

I agree.

Although I sympathize with your answer, I nevertheless must say that it avoids the issue at hand: if you read for that which is new, the new information on the page that you have not seen before, then why would you ever reread something?

I would not likely reread something if the only compelling part of it is the twist.

How can anything ever be worthy of a reread?

When I consider it to be so. A reread is worthwhile to me with works that I deem deeply stimulating -- emotionally, mentally, philosophically or spiritually.

After all, once you have read something, does not the memory have the capacity to recall what you read?

It depends on how long it's been since I last read it. I don't generally do a reread if its information is fresh in my head.

Or do certain things demand rereadings, demand going through everything and seeing it again as though for the first time?

I would say yes.

Yet, on the other hand, power is sometimes defined as the capacity to compel others, to spur others to act on your behalf. Reading, however, is often a solitary, nearly anti-social activity. Is there a contradiction here, do you define your terms differently, or does your reading result in sociality?

What you just defined was the power to inspire and the power to manipulate. Both powerful powers, but neither of which I care for. What I seek is mental strength -- the power to defend myself from the powers of ignorance, fallacies, superstitions, restrictions, deception and manipulation.

I never even thought of reading as an anti-social activity. Some activities are better done on your own, by yourself and away from others. Like taking a dump.

After all, Francis Bacon, the person who spawned the "Knowledge is Power" quote also regarded the scientific method as akin to raping the natural world.

He had personal opinions and beliefs that differ from my own, but still we both agree that knowledge is power. How cool is that?

Does “The Soul” even exist? I'm sorry, that is also not a hair question.

How do we know? "We" know nothing.

What is it? To me, it's inner energy (spiritual or otherwise).

Where is it? With Waldo.

Is it in your brain or in your heart? My brain conceived it, so it's in there.

Is it invisible? I don't know. It's never revealed itself before.

Is it a metaphor for the brain? Personally, I think it's a metaphor for the conscience.

Does the soul have a purpose? Yes, to please itself.

Who decides? I am the decider.

How does the soul interract with the body? Through the Imagination.

Does the body shape the soul, does the soul shape the body, or are both in constant opposition? They work in unison -- they shape each other.

When the body dies, does the soul end? When my body dies, the soul will instantly kill itself.

Or is the soul what persists when the body is gone? No.

Can you sell a soul? People have done it on Ebay.

Is it something that can be exchanged for value? I guess.

When people in stories sell souls, why does it always give them an easier life? I thought they get screwed eventually.

When people escape the Devil, isn’t it always for something small, like raising a barn? No.

But then, who would trade their soul to have a barn raised anyway? Inexperienced traders.

Can I invest in Souls Stocks and Bonds? Sure, how much do you have?

Does the soul rape the body? No, the sex is always consensual.

Does the soul shape the body—is it the soul that used to demand women wear high heels, corsets, or buxoms? No, that was either the ** Conformity or the ** Vanity.

Was it Souls that created Slavery all those years ago? No, those were the Ghouls.

If not—did Slavery hurt the Souls? No, the Souls don't give a **.

Or is the Soul the prisoner of the body, the slave—the victim? None of the above.

Does the body dictate what the Soul can do? No.

When the body eats, does the Soul cave in? Depends on what the body's eating.

When the Soul wants to do good, is it the body that decides whether Good shall be done? They need to be in agreement for anything to be done.

How would you characterize a Soul? Tall, dark and handsome.

What can and can it not do? It can do anything if I put my mind to it. It, however, cannot speak Arabic.

Why is it that when it is said that a Soul goes to hell, artists depict the Body in a fiery cave? Heck if I know.

Why is God depicted as an Old Man with a Beard? Because an old Woman with a beard would be weird.

If Jesus was Both Man and God, did he have a Soul? Yes.

Can one have a Soul and be a God at the same time? You would know.

What, after all, is the difference? Soul is inner energy; God is an inner spiritual drive.

Did Judas have a Soul? Yes, a predestined soul.

How about Harry Potter? A fictitious soul.

Or George Bush (Jr. or Sr., take your pick)? Yes, they received theirs from the Wizard.

Should we pray to save George Bush’s soul? Yes, and maybe we should also pray for bin Laden's while we're at.

Do you have a Soul? Yes, an awesome one.

Does your soul have a color? It's the color of the wind.

Does it weigh anything? Three pounds.

If I cut you open, will I see your soul? Yes, but whatever you do don't look straight at it.

Are there souls in your blood? No, just cells.

If a Christian soul, a Buddhist soul, an Atheist soul, and a Muslim soul walks into a bar, which one is in a joke? The bar.

Can a soul get drunk? Yes.

If not—would you pass the Scotch? Get your own, buddy.

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