I story called Orange Abyss about two weeks ago. The second chapter was uploaded yesterday. Originally, this story was in the mangasection, but I decided that it wasn't fit to become an anime.

Summary: Ruri, a young witch, is in a tight spot. Aside from being one of the few remaining members of Justus, she also possesses the object that can destroy Badd once and for all. Problem is, she can't use it. Who can then?

Spoiler warning

It's basically a story about a young witch named Ruri would comes from Justus, one of the thirteen witch clans. She descended from this powerful guy who was friends with the legendary Jack, and is the guardian of Jack's pumpkin mask, scythe, and powers. Despite all of that, she's still not that talented of a witch. For hundreds of years, her clan has been fighting against another clan named Badd. It's Ruri's duty to find the one who has the ability to use Jack's powers, but she resents her duty. She journeys around with a talking broomstick and a mysterious white cat. One day someone who comes from a group that goes against all witches in general finds her and offers an alliance. After that it's one huge journey, but Ruri can't help but remember her true duty. Can she find the chosen one?

Sorry I can't make the summary any longer. I don't want to give out too many spoilers. I saw the topic about the cliches. Those contain great tips for writing my story, but I'm already guilty of some of those. However, I guarantee that the story is unique and there will be less of those cliches starting from chapter 3.

This story looks cheerful on the surface, but it's actually quite dark. There's also plenty of adventure and action and a small amount of romance(maybe none).

I loved "The Overused Cliche List" by the way, I was between genuine laughter and embarrassment at committing many Cliche Offenses all the way through. But I think that a lot of times cliches are unavoidable, and that as long as you use them sparingly and make sure the ones that you do are presented in a somewhat original manner and aren't outright ripping a particular author off then it's fine. I know that I definitely read and write cliches with the rest of them!

And my story (which I realize sounds cliche, but I can't give everything away. It's not entirely what you'd expect, I promise.)

Goddess Blessed: There's a large back story on it from the previous generation, but I chose to focus on this two part story (see? no trilogy). The story encompasses a continent called Oren, and a girl named Emrianne who is one of the few left who have Old Magic. A type of magic that humans cannot learn, are only born with. So it's not a kind of magic that is used with spells or incantations and it gives the possessor a sensitivity or affinity to nature and all things living. The current ruler of region Emrianne calls home is a usurping Queen named Areida, who not only possesses Old Magic herself but saw to it that many of the people born with Old Magic were killed so no one could challenge her. Though many of them, like Emrianne still live, they don't use their magic for fear of being detected. So when Emrianne is inveigled by a Goddess into leaving her quiet life behind with the intention of meeting her destiny by facing Areida and reclaiming the throne, instead she learns that the lines between good and evil can be blurred, that there is always more than one side to a story and what it really means to be blessed by a Goddess.

Feel free to throw some constructive criticism my way!

My story sounds a bit cliched. A twelve year old girl named Auri finds an item manufactured by angels that allows her to destroy the world. Auri is a malevolent child genius that masks her vast intelligence by acting normal and meticulously maintaining her grades. A pair of angels, Florian and Ceres, are assigned to guard her and advise her. A bit about angels in my story: angels are like artificial intelligences. They are built in series and have serial numbers to classify them. Anyways, the two angels enroll in Auri's school, and follow her around. Unfortunately, many others want her power to destroy the world and recreate it, and many want her dead.

Then there is Isaac, handsome and popular on the outside, evil and homicidal on the inside. He wants Auri to die, and the two demons stoking his evil, Fantine and Hannibal, are very keen on helping him. And then there is the matter of the very shady Hikaru, a Levitate dragon that likes making everyone's lives more complicated.

My angels are very original, I think. Florian is twelve, but is so innocent and naive that he ends up being stupid. Ceres is a pretty but silent angel whose very touch halts cellular respiration and mitosis in organic compounds. She communicates through Morse code and binary with her castanets.

Yeah, me too, my story's masisvely not a cliche, I read the cliche list and just go nuh, nuh, nuh, to the point where I'm starting to get worried: maybe my story's not meant to be on here at all, which is why I haven't posted it yet.

Its about a town where weird things happen. No one has magic powers, except a few people who have them because they're possessed, there is a sort of quest, but its done in a van, and yeah, its done about a mile away from the town centre.

The Villian is a bureaucrat and the main main character doesn't save the day at any point. I could stretch it and say there's a rebellion, but really its just a power struggle in the town council. There's sort of a big battle at the end, only its not very big and more funny than awe-insipring, becuase fighting monsters isn't all that heroic really. I keep thinking about all the environmental impact issues, i mean, is it really fair to kill sometihng because its big and ugly? The characters are significantly un mary-sue like, and even the structure is a bit weird...

The thing is, I know everyone says they hate cliches, but I think secretly most people like them, which is why they're so popular. I suppose its because you already know where the plot's going?

Alrighty, I have a vague feeling that this has been done before, but help me out here:

From Clear to Crimson -- The story of a girl named Kianna who has just turned 15. Up until this point, she has been living a normal life, with her normal friends, Mitsuhara and Inako, her normal father, Tanasuke, and her normal puppy, Meate. But she soon finds out that she's not quite so normal. As she questions her own identity while at the same time fighting both creatures of her former life and mean girls of her current one, will she turn her back on her destiny? Or will she face it and risk losing all that she holds dear to the perils of the journey ahead?

What do you think? Don't hold back now, you hear? The first chappie is already up, and the second is rearin' to go, so just tell me, 'kay?

Bar Sinister was born of my boredom and a wish to write a fantasy story in the style of George R. R. Martin's hyper-realistic A Song of Ice and Fire series. Four years and 40+ chapters later, the saga continues!

The story is set in Nesar, a quasi-medieval kingdom ruled by King Korbin and his queen, Jeska. Their adult son, Crown Prince Kaspian, has four illegitimate children by four random women, but none at all by his lawful wife, Sabla. Asha, the eldest, is his daughter by a priestess. She's got a bizarre magical power she can barely control, a pet snake, and an arranged marriage to a desert king. Gryff is Kaspian's eldest son by a foreign **. The only child raised at court, he's proud, secretive, and more than a little stand-offish. Deep down inside, Gryff desperately wants love and respect, not neccesarily in that order. The middle child, Arden, was born to a peasant woman and is more rough-and-tumble and better adjusted than his siblings. He's close to his uncle, Prince Aurian, Kaspian's younger brother. Desta's the baby of the family, and the only child born to a noblewoman. Dreamy, sweet, and feminine, she loves to dance and sing. Prince Aurian unexpectedly became one of my favorites (and a favorite of my readers, it would seem!) so I ended up giving him two chapters of his own. Kaspian and Aurian have a lot of tension between them, partly because of a woman, partly because they both know that Aurian would be a better king than Kaspian. Aurian's brave but aggressive, bitter, proud, a man who demands respect.

The siblings find themselves pawns and victims in a vicious civil war that erupts across the kingdom. Their stepmother Sabla wants all four of them out of the way and will do anything to achieve this. Prince Aurian's attempts to protect them end in disaster. Asha leaves to become a queen in a distant land, and is unable to reach her brothers and sister in time. A terrible mistake lands Arden in shackles and sends Desta on the run. Gryff finds himself fighting a guerilla war against his stepmother. Unfortunately, life is not a fairy tale, and teenagers carrying such heavy burdens can't help but make mistakes. War brings out the worst and the best in them: Asha is pure blunt force trauma, Arden suffers in slavery, Desta loses her name and herself in a new life, and Gryff finds everything he's ever wanted slipping through his fingers...

Ok, I'm so nervous! This is my first attempt at novel writing and all that goodness.

I'm also quite horrible at summarizing my stories, so even though my story MIGHT sound like cliched rubbish, please bear with me. All my cliches have been thought out.

Naday is a soldier minding his own business in his adopted land and trying to do his job at a compound full of priestess-seers, called Kiraye. He suddenly gets pushed into guarding and caring for the newest arrival, the Crown Princess Ideh.

After she is attacked, she convinces Naday to run away with her so that she can return to the shrine where the goddess Innishtara took away her voice and bestowed upon her the powers and constricting lifestyle of a Kiraye.

A short summary, but it is difficult to do so without giving away too much.

I would REALLY TRULY appreciate any reviews given. I know I need any critique I can get.

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2557971/1/Silent_Journey

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2556572/1/The_Stone_Of_Orillium

My story is about two gifted children who have to save the world (not so original huh?)

Well, Sadari and Sekrasia (brother and sister) live on a farm (it's loosely based on the belgariad by david eddings) and they live with their aunt Ariana (as they are authoned).

Sekrasia has a gift of listening to nature and she and her brother (when they are 14) are sitting outside and the girl starts to hear the voice of nature crying. There is something inforced upon mother Earth. They find disks (have to work on this bit...) which are silver and rounded. They have old writing and are tied to a gold chain. They were the items belonging to a great king.

Now the children go back to their farm and there is an old man talking with their aunt. The old man is the son of a god and he is a sorcerer (wizard? which is better) and he has great power. He reads the disks and on them, is a prophisy, stating that if the world does not get saved from the evil object, they will be the destroyers of the world.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the The Fuzzy Dolphin Forums, I present to you myself and my work as fresh meat to be weighed and measured. This is my first time posting anywhere on this forum, and I dare say that it shan’t be the last. So before I get down to business I might presume to introduce myself; I am a Fruitloop, and a Gizmotronic one at that. However you all may call me whatever name you wish (Mongrel is a popular one).

The following work would be my first attempt at writing any kind of fantasy, at all. Ever. I haven’t read any of the stories on this site, yet. I have given some of the more noted ones a passing glance for ideas on writing technique and the proper use of grammar (something I struggle with). I started writing a few weeks ago, but up until a few days ago had no ideas for plots nor characters. I had, however written down many ideas regarding civilizations, military related ideas (tactics, units, formations and the military uses of magic), the inner workings of magic in my newly created world and have even gone so far as to jot down ideas for bits of lore and history.

(Just a note, anything in Italics is something I'm very likely going to rename.)

In the prelude Kizna Arhaman starts off as a twelve year old girl, who gained a scholarship into a Military Officer’s Mission. She comes from unremarkable birth, the daughter of minor nobility in Soul’s Rest, moderately populated province neighbouring The Basilica. While she attends this academy, she questions her faith and her sexuality as she find herself attracted to a female student of the neighbouring Military Enlisted Mission. Kizna gets into a public argument with this girl in which she declares herself an atheist, from this point she receives scorn from her teachers, fellow students and even her family. After 6 years of study, she graduates from the Military Academy with Honours in Tactics, Oration and General Leadership Skills and High Distinctions in Logistics, Strategy, Armoured Combat and her chosen magic specializations. Despite her achievements she is only awarded a position in the military as lowly corporal (this barely counts as an officer rank) of the an Armoured Legionary Division, whilst the lesser students she graduated with received the Ranks of Lieutenant and Major. This greatly anger’s her and furthers her “drive” to become more powerful politically.

This basically sums up “chapter one” or the prelude, I’m not entirely sure which. It will likely be short, sweet and to the point. However this forms the basis of Kizna’s drive for power and desire for change in the world where knowledge is curtained by the all powerful Basilica. Consider that this forms a crucial piece of background to her life which I don’t feel I could express accurately even through long winded exposition or numerous draining flashbacks. I am however considering making this more than just a chapter, as there is a lot to include; such as her lessons, personality development, sexual discovery and her social ostracization. However I may end up filling it out as side story separate from the main chapters.

What occurs from here is yet to be decided. I have the eventual end to the story in sight, and the major events are currently being formed. I will keep most of this quiet for the sake of not spoiling the plot. However I will say this; early on in the book after this prelude (set about 10 years later) Kizna, now more set into her ways and far more influential due to promotions and military victories, for reasons known only to me leaves behind the Basilican Nation (Not its real name, I’ve yet to decide on a name for it “Basilican Nation” simply stands in as a reference to the nation dictated by the Basilica). She is followed by a legion of loyal troops and a host of civilians, who support her ideals, and forms them into a small nomad army and leads them west into lands not yet conquered by the Basilica.

That’d about lead up to the end of book one, probably. Nothing here is set, save for the general plot.

A couple of side notes as well:

“The Basilica” could be considered reminiscent of The Spanish 1500’s era Christian church. However the Basilica, is not inherently evil, its intentions are the progression of civilisation under its watchful care. However it does employ some nefarious means to ensure compliance and censorship among the general populace.

“The Basilica” will not likely be the final name of the religion, nor the nation it controls. It will however be the name of the millennia’s old fortress and containing province, located at the heart of the nation. Probably.

The description I posted above does seem to make out a “serious tone” to the story, and this is more or less true, however I will be incorporating as much humour as the story allows. In this I am greatly inspired by a series called “Avatar: The Last Airbender” which manages to keep humour in the foreground to the very last episode.

A friend of mine pointed out that my main character’s name sounds a bit anime-ish, or Japanese rather. Whilst I concede that this is the case, I thought it best that I dispel any rumours now. Kizna’s name isn’t Japanese (It might be, but not to my knowledge). It’s a name I though on the spur of the moment some years ago whilst naming my Rogue on World of Warcraft (No, I no longer play). The closest name in the real world that I have encountered to it is Kistna/Kishtna, Arabic or Russian names I suspect. It should be worth noting that Kizna bears no semblance to rogues whatsoever, she is a warrior-type who prefers to be on the front line.

Kizna’s sexuality; this actually plays a significant role in the story, of course I’m not going to go into specifics.

I am working on a comprehensive system of magic for use in the main books and my short stories, written in a handbook form; I’ll probably throw it up on the forums later for perusal and possible revisions, as much as I am deathly afraid of plagiarism (this is my ego showing here *whistles innocently*). Magic in this new world is entirely an invention of my own, bearing little semblance to anything I personally have encountered in numerous video-games. Of course it has its overlaps with modern ideas and such as I do draw influences from my experiences (mostly with video games). I won’t go into too much detail here, but magic will likely be common in the daily life of most people. Combative magics will likely be restricted to military or ex-military characters, a bit like how guns are available to the public in the real world yet few people use them. The driving force behind writing the handbook is that I am striving for consistency in my stories, there are certain things about a lot of fantasy stories that bug me and inconsistency would have to come at the top of my list.

I am also working on a comprehensive coverage of the Military explaining everything from training to mixed unit tactics and formations.

My Influences:

History is a primary source for my ideas; all the civilizations in my stories will draw heavily from historical empires. For example the Basilica draws from late Roman, Greek and Britannian/Saxon societies. The western independent villages will draw heavily from the Germanic tribes of Europe; and Kizna herself has traits attributed to Napoleon and Alexander. (Just while it’s out there; this story will not in all good consciousness, be an allegory. Probably.)

Video games are both an influence and “Anti-Influence” so to speak. A lot of it comes from things I wish I’d seen in video games.

Books are a very minor influence to me, as I have not read a lot of fantasy in the past. Mostly just the bread and butter of fantasy, probably not even the butter. Stuff like Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever.

Webcomics aren’t so much an influence as an inspiration; I don’t draw anything from them consciously. But I would say that my all time favourites have helped incite this little venture of mine.

My Fears:

My biggest fear surrounding this project is originality; not just a fear of unoriginality, but also trying too hard to be original that I might stray from all sensibility with my world and characters.

I’m not too worried about success at this point; as it is my first attempt at writing I’m not expecting it to be a work of literary prodigy. My written English leaves a little to be desired and I’ve absolutely no idea how to “write” fiction, at this point all I really know is the workings of the academic essay.

I’ve been attempting to write the prelude. It’s far from finished at this point and as near as I can tell my writing style is, for lack of a better word, sterile. I feel that I have the most trouble with scenarios with conversation in them and have great difficulty keep the dialogue interesting. I’ve yet to show it to anyone as I’m little reserved about showing unfinished work to anyone. As it stands I’m going out on a huge limb posting this much on the internet; however I understand the need for impartial critique. At this point I’ve decided to put the actual writing aside for now, and instead develop a plot in more detail as well as flesh out my universe a little more.

So there you have it folks, me, myself and a strange man who makes pac-man noises when nobody is listening. Laid out for you on a pretty, silver platter!

wow, that sounds really interesting, i'd love to read it:)

t The military is amazing, if you want to look up military, look up medieval history, they were great with it:)

I also would like to point out, it's Prologue:)

I love the sound of your story and am hoping to read it soon

Your friend

Polgara

xox

Thanks for the encouragement, 'tis very much appreciated Lady.

I also would like to point out, it's Prologue:)

I knew that, I really did! And don't let anyone say I didn't!

Was testing you, I was!

Honest......

The military is amazing, if you want to look up military, look up medieval history, they were great with it

Thanks, unfortunately I have few books on the medieval period; which means I'll have to use the internet for that sort of thing.

I hate searching the internet for history, makes things really boring; most if it is poorly written which makes it difficult to read.

I will try though, because it is a period that fascinates me. As much as I don't know a lot about it.

However I am pouring over a rather large tome regarding 4000 years of Macedonian History as well two books; one regarding the druids

and the other the warriors of Celtic society.

Waka! Waka! Waka! Waka! Waka! Waka!

Mmm, i had a post but the site musthave deleeted it... oh well, yah, i like the sound of the story, great work:)

I love history, so if you have anything to ask, just don't hesitate:)

It's a great, well thought out plot and it'll come on nice, i kmnow. If you need someone to read over it, let me know:)

However I am pouring over a rather large tome regarding 4000 years of Macedonian History as well two books; one regarding the druids

and the other the warriors of Celtic society.

Double-check any books you get on the Celts/druids. There's some excellently researched materials out there, but so much of it is 'Celtic Twilight' druidic pagan fluffy crap that I get hinky whenever anyone starts talking about researching the Celts. What we actually know about the druids is very limited, and almost all of it was written by the Romans, who didn't really know what they were seeing. It'd be as if you observed a Hindu ceremony in a temple. You'd see all these people wearing clothes and praying and carrying food around, but would you really know what was going on? Probably not. The Romans had the same problem when reporting on the druids. A lot of people romanticize the Celts to the point where you can barely tell they're talking about real human beings at all rather than magikal fairy people. Oh, and if you pick up a book and it's rapturing over the Celts building Stonehenge, chuck it. Stonehenge was a thousand years old before the Celts ever set foot in Britain.

Be sure to check out De Re Militari (http://www.deremilitari.org/). In their Book Reviews under the 'Early Medieval' section you'll see some books reviewed covering the early medieval Celts, which might be of interest to you.

Thanks for that Nichol1, looks interesting at first glance.

The book on the Druids seems to be making an avid point of separating fact from romance in their detail of the druids, so I think I'll keep reading it.

I'm researching the Celts as a personal interest firstly, however in my story I'll be drawing on the semi-civilized factions for inspiration; the Norse, Saxons, Britons, Gauls and Germanics.

Not just for military, but for daily life and religion; the hardest part of it all will be that the "Western Independent Cities/Tribes" will be in what is largely arid scrub land/desert/badlands. And I will have to discern what parts of each could realistically have come about in such an environment. I've been taking a look at the Australian Aboriginals for this; however as they were a nomadic people the information thats relevant to what I'm doing is somewhat limited.

So any suggestions regarding that would be very helpful.

Not just for military, but for daily life and religion; the hardest part of it all will be that the "Western Independent Cities/Tribes" will be in what is largely arid scrub land/desert/badlands. And I will have to discern what parts of each could realistically have come about in such an environment. I've been taking a look at the Australian Aboriginals for this; however as they were a nomadic people the information thats relevant to what I'm doing is somewhat limited.

Read Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel for a good explanation of why some cultures develop technology and dominate their neighbors, and why some cultures don't. The Aborigines had precious few natural resources to depend on; Australia is very arid and the soil is poor, so they were never able to develop large-scale agriculture and civilization. The whites who came later were, but that's because they weren't doing it in a vacuum, they had back-up available from their home countries. I think your best bet is to find some books on life in the Middle East and ancient Near East -- Mesopotamia, Persia, the Arab lands. My fictional country of Kyrosh is a little bit ancient Egypt, a little bit ancient Sumer, and a little bit India, for example.

I think there was a thread like this in the Muse Juice Forum, but oh well.

Anyway, my story is a post-apocalyptic urban fantasy where a cult of demonic beings called Lightbearers besiege the fortress cities in which the last remnants of Humanity have taken refuge. Meanwhile, an order of warriors living in what was once the U.S has rediscovered the arts of magic and have dedicated themselves to resisting the Lightbearers. These warriors, who call themselves "Guardians," have proven to be the only really successful resistance against Lightbearers, save for nuking them whenever they amass in large numbers, which is rapidly becoming an inviolable option as the planet itself rebels against a half century of nuclear poisoning.

And besides that, the supply of Nuclear warheads is dwindling, to say nothing for the supply of people who remember how to use them.

The story focuses on a pair of Guardians, one in Dallas and one in Houston, who unite for a last stand against the Lightbearers who, meanwhile, have developed a more subtle approach to Humanity's takeover.

And all that is just chapter one.

Ehh... somehow I was able to summarize my story in a single sentence... *whines, "But it's so much more complicated than that!"*... Ahem, my story in a single sentence... that sounds very cheesy...

In a society that's very different from our own, the story is based upon four characters and how they help the government try to defeat a man of treason in a time of war.

Ehh, tell me what you think of my random sentence, hehh... Thanks in advance :D

Ok my story is called In the Blink of An Eye. It starts off on Sarah Emmets last day of her Junior year of school. Sarah is 17 years old she has grown up in Scotland but is not scottish. Her mother is American and her Father is half English and half Spanish. Basically her parents end up being killed in a car accident (yes I know cliche but there is a better reason for it tan you may think) Sarah finds out during the reading of her parents will that her Mother had a Brother and a Sister and that her parents left her to her Uncle and she now has to go and live with this man she has never met. ( I beleive this too is a cliche but oh well)

In the days leading up to her parents funeral and her departure Sarah becomes sick, delusions, hypothermia, high fevers, extreme pain. Her uncles associate comes to collect her and there is a big altercation between the associate and her "family" ( her best freind and boy that just confessed he loves her , his mother, and house servants that hahve pratically raised her)

well she leaves to go to Caraval, the island that her Uncle is king of ( yes she finds out that she is a princess but that really plays no major role)... well I cant say much more with out giving things away but ya, I have realized I amy have a few too many cliiches and I am going to have to work on that. This story is almost completed, I just started chapter 28. This is the first in a series, I am not sure how many books but I do know that the second book is going to take place 4 years after the close of the first. Is that at all cliche?

Ok. Here goes.

My story is called Forest of Magic. I don't like the name but it was the only thing I could think of at the time. And I still don't have a better one. Anyways, the plotline is as follows:

Kaylen is a young noblewoman who just turned sixteen. That is the age where female nobles are usually married at. Kaylen does not want to be married, so she runs away from home and goes into the forest. Now, in the forest, deep in the forest where other people are too scared to go, she runs into mythical (magical) creatures. Basically, she's pixie-led by a fairy, attacked by a werewolf, saved by an elf, taken captive by said elf, and brought before the elven king. So, it turns out that for thousands of years the royalty line has been pushing the creatures further and further into the forest so that humans will have more land. This king is more greedy than most. He plans to declare war against them, kill them, and take the forest for his own. The elven king asked Kaylen to be a diplomat to get all the creatures to band together and fight back, seeing as how they usually do not get along and hate each other. Kaylen accepts, having no other choice.

I'm going to have a crazy witch in there who has this old, patchy, mangy black cat whom she insists can kill everyone. I'm looking forward to writing that character.

Anyway, this is just the basics of it, and it sucks because I'm half-asleep as I'm writing the summary. And I suck at writing summaries anyway. Besides, I can't give away much else without giving away the entire story. Tell me what you think? Please?

To: Miriam Doyle

On first read, it sounds like it has the potential to be suspensful and intriguing, but there is something about it that repels me. There will probably be no action. On the bright side, there will probably be very little scenery description. ^_^; Can't say I'm extremely interested in reading it; the whole, 'everyone is divided because they have different opinions' thing has always annoyed me. Besides THAT, however; it looks like there is a lot of thought and a deep story to it. I don't feel that it is cliche' or anything. That's about all I can say about it. Does not sound like something I, personally, would enjoy.

To: Archipelago

This sounds like a hit-or-miss. Depending on the story BEFORE they are whisked away, and how much of brats the characters are, I could potentially like it. I'm really growing weary of the, "A bratty child goes into a different world and in the end becomes stronger and less of a brat," plots.

To: RubyXSerpent

This is more my speed. Sweet, simple, and leaves a LOT open for interesting stuff to happen. It's less about the initial plot and more about the journey, itself. Love it. (That just shows how deep and critical I am)

To: Miriam Doyle

The only thing worse than reusing trite characters is, I think, reusing trite characters but changing their names for, apparently, no reason.

What about using reusing the name but changing the character?

You change the character, and you have someone else entirely.

Whelp, the sequal to my first novel, "Itara: Lightborn" is now in the works. Chapter one is up and ready for reviews. I don't yet have a name for this book, but I'm confident it will reveal itself in due time. I've been a bit distracted writing a script, but as soon as my wheels switch back to the world of Itara, I promise more adventures for Mason and his friends. Also, I'm posting as I'm writing, so it will be littered with unedited mistakes. If you've read my first book, then you know that a polished work can look nice hanging on the wall. :)

Take care, and Merry Christmas to all.

I have started writing a fantasy story, and while only the first chapter is up, I hope to finish the second at some point soon. The title is "Misstress of War"

The story centres on the Kingdom of Volnoria, which is on the edge of open war with the Vaxon empire. As the military spreads it forces across the frontier relgious unrest stirs the population within. Finally, the king, a devout follower of the Path of Light, finally decrees that all Volnorians must follow the one true faith to stand against their unholy enemies. Those who do not convert are to be executed. One of the captains, Nimue Avalor, a lesser noble and lady of the fortress Avalonis, is a Pagan, and begins a rebellion against the king who would have her killed. The events that follow upset the order of the world, and soon dark forces begin their moves against those divided.

Some cliches, but hopefully I can write the story well enough to move around that. Regardless, I don't consider my strong female character to be a cliche. My society, my rules on how women are treated.

Hello Girbrainiac and all here,

Teorwyn and I are writing a story together. It’s called “world sharing” which means her characters are in my world that I created in my story called Luminaries of the Night, and my characters are in her land of Ephelos, as well and sometimes interaction with each other’s characters happens. Then my son Mat Cauthon came here joined in taking the southern region of Genesarat, but he’s just starting. So here’s a prologue-like explanation (editing by the aforementioned Teorwyn) of all three stories:

Long ago when the Creator (called the Holy One, Ayn, Light, Theil, Ar, etc., depending on region) looked out upon His universe and saw there were no children. He created the world making Free Peoples, and gave them the gift of free will so they could create through love as He creates in Love. However, with free will to love and create also comes free will to hate and destroy, and the Holy One, being Omnipresent and knowing this ahead of time, gave the free peoples four Relics, bound to the four stages of Creation, which, when brought together, could bring His FULL creative power to stand against anything that threatened to destroy His gift to them.

The world then began, the Free Peoples were fruitful and multiplied and covered the entire world, moving into every region, across the seas to far-away lands and even into the mountains, where the Relics of Creation were first assembled, used not against evil here, but against this new world’s own creative violence, where she threw up hot molten rock and killed thousands. Those holding these elements came together and created a new creature, an Elishma, not made of carbon, but rather formed of silicon that was invisible to all but the one who ruled the volcanic mountains that the Elishma served in, releasing the hot gases of the earth and controlling the fires. Wherever there was a tame volcano, there was likely also an Elishma.

After this, the Relics were gathered in the nation of Sardinia, east of Ephelos, and kept there under strong guard behind a mountain that could only be reached though a heavily warded citadel of great strength. These stayed hidden there through the Troll Wars when thousands died needlessly, they remained shut up in the Dragon Wars when two of the free peoples fought needlessly, and even when human fought humans in the Pirate Wars when innocent people lost their freedoms in Genesarat. Some say this is what brought the Dark Ones to take Ephelos, believing that the free peoples slept and because they had become rebellious and hostile to the other Free Peoples.

This brought the other free peoples to Sardinia to bring out the four Relics, and through this coming together of Man (which includes Dwarf), Valode, and Dragon, great tools were formed to stand against the Dark Ones and were given to all the different nations, including the Crown of Ages and the Crown of Songs, given to the Tsierians and the Dwarves, the Circlets of Light for the peoples of Ephelos, the sword Shade Slayer that was the only thing that could kill shades, and seven broadswords and seven knives with special blessings that were always sharp and cleaned themselves that also held other specific unnamed gifts.

Through these many gifts came the liberation of the people of Ephelos, but as the nations did so, so was the real target, Sardinia became left less guarded as it’s champions came to Ephelos’ aid; it was taken by the Dark Ones with much violence. Only a small number escaped; three small Tsierian ships that were able to maneuver around the pirates who aid the Dark Ones and get out to sea.

The Four Relics were lost, the Shade Slayer disappeared, and the Dark Ones pulled back and held the Waste, which once was the fertile land of Sardinia. For a time, champions still lived and gifts were still held honored among men in the west, so there had been a cost to taking Sardinia, but the Dark Ones could wait. Human and Valodian lives are short, and mistrust for Dragons is easy to plant among forgetful peoples. Peace and security breed complacency, and the Dark Ones knew they could be patient until the people forgot, and then they could move in again.

Thus ended the Great War, so named because foolish men said it was the war to end all wars, which no war is till the true end of all. Champions sought out and killed the sorcerers, necromancers, and dark spies till none were seen anywhere among the Free Peoples, but the animosity between humans and dragons persisted because Hoth, the Shade of shades, was not idle. For several hundred years, as his forces were pushed back to the Waste, he and his five shades, three dozen gyme (half-shades), and a few hundred Dark Ones (sorcerers, necromancers, and dark spies) waited and learned what they needed to move again.

He first created magical creatures, but these were hard to create and only a few could be created at a time, and they also had short lives, growing shorter with the greater amount of magic used to create them. So he turned to breeding and genetics to form creatures in large numbers, such as benocs and black rats. However, bloodwolves, though created completely with magic and with a life expectancy of less than six months, were highly effective assassins which could not be killed in any easy way, and they were still used by the Dark Ones.

The last tool Hoth acquired was the Kamar armor. Made from the shed, collected, and unmelted skin of Elishma and bonded through an unknown means, these invisible suits once belonged to the Tsierian monarchy’s special guard of ten. When the shade Chromench managed to take the Tsierian kingdom through deceit, the Dark Ones of Scotolkan acquired these suits and used them for their assassins, since bloodwolves couldn’t easily get through Rumharian defenses, but the invisible Kamar could slip right past even the alert extremely well guarded citadels at Rumhar.

It was this last acquisition that brought great devastation to Rumhar’s monarchy and undermined greatly Rumhar’s attempts to free its closest ally in Tsier. To stop the murders, there was a political marriage that occurred between King Tirshtha and Lady Hasha of Genesarat, and they had three children: Donyel, Theodes, and Aminah. All grew to adulthood, which was an achievement, but then Donyel died in the Fields of Sorrow during the first Amazonian War when the twisted spiders called Biynahniyn another genetically engineered feat were first introduced with devastating results. Then King Tirshtha died six months later, “falling out of bed” putting Queen Hasha into full control of the kingdom.

Hasha, in actuality an ally of the Dark Ones, forced Theodes then to divorce his current Tsierian wife, who was considered a commoner, and marry a Chilneshi princess instead, since he was now heir to the throne. However, Duana, the Tsierian woman, gave birth to twins seven months after the divorce, though she died in childbirth. The twins Duncan and Myamim or simply Mim were adopted by Smalt and Maekenla Shipwright who already was nursing a son named Martin. Duncan entered the Citadel Academy and excelled to become the top student ranger, despite many ‘accidents’ that he narrowly survived. He became close friends with Paxwell, the son of Princess Aminah, who was a top officer student of his age and was also married Adalaysia Shorlen, an Ephelosian lady.

When the story begins, Duncan, Paxwell, Adalaysia, Duncan’s adopted brother Martin, Professor Moselle and his sister Azareal, and Timon, the Seeker of Tsier, are seeking a library that they suspect is at Scotolkan, the Dark Fortress, not knowing what important information they will find there. Queen Hasha at the same time is trying to pressure Theodes’ daughter, Cassia, into marrying a Genesarati prince, hoping that the marriage will help bring Rumhar under the control of the Dark Ones once and for all. Tsier is an occupied land, no longer considered a nation of its own, and its culture has been mostly lost. In Ephelos, some of the peoples have left the land disappearing into legend, and those that remain no longer believe that the Dark Ones are real, and thus most of them have grown complacent and vulnerable again. And among the shades and Dark Ones, plots are coming close to fruition as they prepare for a war that they hope will give them all of the nations and working along several fronts still mostly hidden. Yet even so the Holy Ones does not sleep; His promise that He will not leave His children orphan stands. Therefore as darkness grows strongest, the Lights grow brighter in the hearts of those who still believe.

Alright, well I really want critique/reviews on my story. And I'm still looking for an experienced and credible beta reader if anybody is interested :)

It's called "Vieovita" which is Latin for "To Weave Into Life" and I'm two chapters in. I'm really hoping to stay dedicated to this one. Let me know what you think! I'm pretty open-minded and I'm really seeking your input on character and plot development, syntax and whatnot. Thanks :)

Here's a not-so-brief description of the plot:

Meet Eden Windsong, she's one of us: an avid fantasy fanatic. When she stumbles across an odd novel titled "Vieovita" at Between the Lines, a local bookshop, Eden finds herself under seige by a living shadow, a onyx creature with oscillating form. And the worst part? Not even her father believes her tale. Fearing for her sanity, Eden returns to Between the Lines to retrieve the book. On the way home, tragedy unfurls, as a drunken driver crashes head-on with her Astrovan.

Eden wakes up in Vieovita, a land of four distinct provinces. From the obsidan caves of Caelestis that mimic the stars, to Aduron, whose leaves glimmer with false fire. From the frozen waterfalls of Sileos, to the cloud canopies of Divumdra. A land where Aevum--the stem cells of energy, evolving into beauty, power, and life itself--pulsates through the core, to the celestial arteries and veins of the universe, like silver blood. She learns the stars are simply a map, describing the planet's proximity to Vieovita, empty decoys used to ignite our curiosity. The farther away the planet is, the less Aevum is present there (explaining why here on Earth we are devoid of magic the most concentrated Aevum but still live in a world of great beauty and vitality)

Aevum runs underneath the flesh of the Vieovitan people, providing them with inhuman gifts and beauty. The entire planet is enchanted, with colors and sights unfathomable to our inferior vision. When Eden arrives, she learns it is a versatile planet, that changes the visitor's perception. The sentient species appears humanoid, and the all seem to speak English. This eradicates isolating barriers present on Earth.

It becomes Eden's responsiblity to decipher between lies and verity, illusion and reality. For the book "Vieovita" was enchanted by an old seer, who foresaw the end of civilization and wanted one more pawn to tip the scales in either direction. The book has circulated worlds for centuries, waiting to be read. Until now, nobody had bothered to finish it. Until Eden. Now, like a Vieovitan child, she must how to control the gifts passed to her through the book. For she can control pure Aevum, a God-worthy gift.

But who is causing the havoc? We now bring you to Terravista, an underground city whose citizens don't possess Aevum. Once a common disability on Vieovita, caused by the mutation of DNA. Victims raised among Vieovitan society did not survive past their 20th birthdays, for Aevum is stronger than our most radioactive substances, destroying those who do not have an immunity to. This is why Terravista was founded, literally meaning "Earth View," to create a society where the disabled could thrive, even if it meant isolation.

Thousands of years later, Terravistans have forgotten this mercy and are being taught that they were banished by the Upworlders. Their dictator, Atrox Nystrom is behind this, taught the same from his father. He wants revenge. And revenge is what he gets when his scientists learn how to canister Aevum into an arsenal of guns and bombs, among other weapons. They begin by attacking cities around their border, after their warnings to each of the four monarchies are ignored.

Eden, along with her companions: Krys, the dazzling, empathetic illusionist with scarlet eyes who needs to learn a thing or two about self preservation; Jet, Krys' best friend, with the gift of strength and a natural sense of loyalty; Xera, the violet-eyed shapeshifter, whom Krys adores and Eden envies; Eldfrost, the disgruntled, old weather witch who mentored Xera and Krys; and Leaf; the arrogant and charming coward, must work with a rebellion dubbed the Insurrectum, who are creating an alliance against the Terravistans.

Bah, thanks for reading, I commend you if you read all that :)

Read on by clicking on my profile! ^_^ I'll love you forever and ever if you review!

The Eternal Masquerade ♥

Now let's try something here, I need a couple of reviews to get some more readers apparently. Because obviously the slow-to-start story type isn't fit to work in sci-fi, at least not when it's a friendship fic.

Okay so think about it, you're a girl in the nineteen hundreds of good ol USA, you're obviously English but you've got amnesia and have no idea who you are. Then you meet this hot and swavy guy(who's basically a clone of James Bond in that time period) who helps you get your memory back and you find out you're some missing princess! A lot of cool stuff happens along the way, getting kidnapped, having crazy solder guys or whatever hunting you down, but in the end it's still hapilly ever after ain't it? Just peachy and....BORING, not to mention freaking Cliche'! And who want's to read about something that's had a disney movie made after it? I couldn't stand reading the original Alice in Wonderland after I saw what good ol Walt Disney did to it! (Not that I'm complaining, it was awesome the first time around xD ) And yes I have read it before, it was the huge unabriged version that the movie was based on.

Now let's see if we can take this story in referance, Princess Anistasia and spice it up a bit to interest the more modern audiance shall we? Okay first let's take that princess and make her a clone who escaped from a top-secret research facility planning to rule the world from the shadows. And let's take our super hunky and charming hero and make him your average "peter parker" sterieotype. Instead of having the girl constantly worrying about her lost memory, let's have her actually afraid to recover it, not having a clue why. Let's make those thuggy guys that try to kidnapp her strange, humanoid robots who act kind of like policemen and the villain some guy who wants to take over the world and not so much Englind. Basically what we've done so far is put this story on a coin and flipped it over to the tales side, but that's not good enough to be completely interesting or new-age just yet.(Cloning has been done in Star Wars and other sci-fi staples already) Let's make our hunky guy not only a nerd, but an Ex-orphan, and lets give our non princess heroine some real way to defend herself, like some cool super powers that she can't really control at all. Sound good...even if it doesen't seem completely "new" and original, that's my story in a nutshell.

Project A-20459 is what it's called, a suitible name considering our escaped clone Heroine Allysa Gale has that identification number branded into her arm. If you like the Princess Anestasia story type, you'll love this one, particularly if you're a marvel fan. Allysa herself (who replaces Princess Anestasia in our referance) is a Playfull and Ever curious, moderately hourglassy(Like *walks by Allysa* "wow...uh hi" just not exagerated terribly) nineteen year old girl who still believes she's twelve years old and acts as such. Our other hero (who replaces the hunky hotell manager in our referance) is Jackie Anton. A sweet and playful "nerd" with a semi hunky build (He's got the chest, broad shoulders, and hair, but everything else is just...typical ^_^ ) who falls deeply in love with her. Our villain...haven't decided yet, so if anyone's got any ideas (avoid stereotypes if possible) then let me know. Anyway the first chapter's up and I'm welcome to constructive reviews. Allysa is also pretty ditzy at times, Tales of Symphonia fans should think Collete but a bit worse. As for anyone else well...lets say she's lost in more ways than one XD

This story is like an amorphous blob of grape jello, it keeps changing on me, and no matter what i do, it keeps tasting kind of fruity... (I have no idea what i mean by that...)

The Raven's Knight

Summary: Rain was born a Raven, a member of one of the last clans of the Occaecari, the spirits that humans do not see. They can shift between the shape of a raven, and that of a human, but are different from both. At the age of 17, Rain's elders have decided to start his initiation as an adult into their clan. The initiation is the same for every fledgling, but the result is always different. A fledgling is sent to the human world to find their soul, and they cannot find their way back to the forest of their birth until they do so. Rain lands in a countryside ravaged by war, frightened and horrified by what he sees. He finds a fallen knight by the name of Lucas, and the other boy agrees to acompany him in his search, though not even Rain knows what it means, or how he will find his soul. Some initiations take years, others take decades. And some never find their souls, and stay trapped forever amidst humanity--the species that can never know the true freedom of flight.

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