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Evil Minion Number 2
Topic: Super Story Starters
One thing I’ve noticed is sadly lacking in several books and short stories I’ve been reading recently is a good start. I don’t mean just the starting chapter of the book, oh no, those appear to be fine. What sort of annoys me is the starting sentence and paragraph. Most of my favorite books and short stories have a great starting. Why’s that? Because they make it so you don’t have to drag yourself through the first few pages of the story to get to the point of caring or holding interest.

A great starter should either 1. Bring interest and questions to the characters and/or events in question, or 2. Establish a setting and tone. Below are a few examples of starts I particularly enjoyed.

~~

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

TYLER GETS ME a job as a waiter, after that Tyler's pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die. For a long time though, Tyler and I were best friends. People are always asking, did I know about Tyler Durden.

~~

Christine by Stephen King

Prologue start:

This is the story of a lover’s triangle, I suppose you’d say – Arnie Cunningham, Leigh Cabot and, of course, Christine. But I want you to understand that Christine was there first. She was Arnie’s first lover, and while I wouldn’t presume to say for sure (not from whatever heights of wisdom I’ve attained in my twenty-two years, anyway), I think she was his only true lover. So I call what happened a tragedy.

Chapter 1 start:

“Oh my god!” my friend Arnie Cunningham cried out suddenly.

~~

Fahreheit 451 Ray Bradbury

It was a pleasure to burn.

It was a special pleasure to see things eaten, to see things blackened and changed. With the brass nozzle in his fists, with this great python spitting its venomous kerosene upon the world, the blood pounded in his head, and his hands were the hands of some amazing conductor playing all symphonies of blazing and burning to bring down the tatters and charcoal ruins of history...

~~

Anthem by Ayn Rand.

It is a sin to write this. It is a sin to think words no others think, and put them down upon a paper no others are to see. It is base and evil. It is as if we were speaking alone to no ears but our own. And we know well that there is no transgression blacker than to do or think alone. We have broken the laws. The laws that say that men may not write unless the Council of Vocations bid them so. May we be forgiven!

~~

Choosing by SkItZoFrEaK (http://www.fictionpress.com/s/1575721/1/)

Bill slumped against the heavy metal door, and let it swing out into the chill of the darkening evening. He dragged his feet over the metal door frame, onto the grey cement walkway outside. Behind him, in the gloom, the lobby clerk answered the phone with a high pitched mechanical chime. Bill let the door slam behind him, blocking out her professional, dispassionate voice. The woman was more a machine than a person. She had stared at him with the blank, blind eyes of someone who has acted this scene out too many times. "I'm sorry, I can't help you. Mr. Thompson is busy today. Come back tomorrow."

~~

The Short Happy Life of Francis Mscomber by Earnest Hemingway

It was now lunch time and they were all sitting under the double green fly of the dining tent pretending that nothing had happened.

~~

Any thoughts? Other great beginings you can think of? Reason who the begining isn't important? If yes, then you can stick it up your nose!

Just kidding, reply here!

#1 Jun 19th 2007, 2:51pm
writergurlLW
Whenever I write a story, stress alot about the first sentence simply because I wont read a story without a good first sentence. My first sentence for a story I am currently working on called "Lady Avarei" is 'By a man's standards, I'm not normal or good enough.' I might change this, but not now.
#2 Jun 21st 2007, 1:04pm
Luicia and the voices
I think that if the story catches your attention from the start, then it is definately worth reading. Things that reel the reader in, forceful words that get you thinking. I think it is best that the first sentence leaves the reader riddled with questions, therefore urging them to read onward. But, please, do NOT start (in fantasy) With the birth of the hero. Oh god, you have no idea how many stories start with the hero's birth (normally with the mother dying just to create useless melodrama and angst) If you can pull the birth off well, then it's okay, but if you start with the baby being born on a 'special night' (Normally with a funny looking moon/moon cycle) with parents dying or dead... then please REFRAIN! (The baby gets a foster parents or kind stranger/mentor anyway.) Yeah... my two cents :P
#3 Jun 22nd 2007, 5:28am
Narc
I like first lines that put the reader into something that is happening. I hate it when a story starts of with some vague and general statement.

I have to agree with not starting a story off with the birth of the main character. Frankly, as soon as I read that I assume that this is a prologue that has very little to do with the plot, other than as an opportunity to introduce some very poetic and not-so-mysterious prophecy about the child having some great or terrible power/destiny. Blech. Even if it's not a prophecy, introducing a character at infancy means that you've done nothing to make the reader care about this character, since at this point we know nothing about what sort of person he/she will be.

Although I've seen a few prologues that are rare gems, most of them turn me off because (at least in fantasy) they tend to set the theme of the story towards destiny or some other such nonsense.

Dream sequences and flashbacks are another one that are rarely done well as openings, and even when done well, are rarely necessary and only serve to slow down the plot right away. They also (in my experience) tend to be a sign of poor writing, because it makes me think that the reader isn't capable of introducing this information more subtly throughout the beginning of the story.

Death can be a good way to start a story off depending on the plot, but I agree that parents dying is usually a sign of tons of exessive angst later in the story. Why have the parents die if the MC can't angst horribly about it for five chapters? Blech.

#4 Jun 22nd 2007, 6:14am
Evil Minion Number 2
Well, most stories that start with birth usually have the main character as the thing being born, so no questions left to ask there.

And, hate to say it, "I'm not good enough by a man's standards" makes me automatically think of an uber feminist novel...

Poems are something I rarely bother to read in a story, espically if they're what's starting the story.

#5 Jun 28th 2007, 4:56pm
Girlbrainiac
Here are a couple of more great story starters...

From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Chapter 1) by Douglas Adams:

The story so far:

In the beginning the Universe was created.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

From Life, the Universe, and Everything by Douglas Adams:

The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering where he was.

Yeah, poem's that start stories generally are there to either give us the theme for the novel, or to tell us the prophecy or story of the hero we're about to read about... WHY can't you put all of that mixed into the prose and not in a poem at the beginning of the story? I mean... I like a good poem here and there, but starting with one generally bores me.

Girlbrainiac

#6 Jun 30th 2007, 1:29pm
Trobson666
I agree that a fantastic opening paragraph is what's needed to initially capture a reader, but using the opening sentence from 'Christine' as an example, sometimes too much is revealed too quickly. From a writers point of view, I don't like the idea of lunging straight into the main story with a line like that. I prefer to start with something interesting and not a typical 'In the beginning...', but not necessarily plot related. The opening paragraph to my current project is written like this:

He stood facing the sea, gripping his spear tightly. His rough, dry hair, and crude brown burlap cloak, both encrusted with sea salt, flapped violently in the billowing wind. He narrowed his eyes to avoid the stinging whips of his hair, and the showers of white, foamy spray caused by crashing waves sweeping over the rocks to his left. He gazed out into the maelstrom and watched intently as the pounding grey mountains of water fought each other, destroyed each other, and then merged with each other. A bright blue flash of lightening lit up the sky, momentarily illuminating the clouds with an eerie ghost-like glow. The flash was soon accompanied by a deep and resonating boom which hurt his ears and conjured up images of ancient sea creatures, thrashing their tentacles as they sang their song to him.

#7 Jul 09th 2007, 6:22am
Evil Minion Number 2
I must argue I really do love the opening for Christine. It's simple, puts out a few facts, yet is quite misleading. Not much that's not perdictable is really shown, but that's something I can't discuss here with out some major spoilers.
#8 Jul 09th 2007, 8:14pm
Lord-of-Fools
Suite Français begins beautifully: 'Hot, thought the Parisians.'
#9 Jul 10th 2007, 6:51am
Trobson666
I must argue I really do love the opening for Christine. It's simple, puts out a few facts, yet is quite misleading. Not much that's not perdictable is really shown, but that's something I can't discuss here with out some major spoilers.

I agree that it is very well written (Stephen King is a genius!), but I think that in general it takes some skill to dive right into the story, but not dive RIGHT in, if you get me. With my stories I'm a sucker for revealing too much too quickly, so I personally avoid openings like that in my work.

#10 Jul 11th 2007, 5:45am
Girlbrainiac
I get you there, Trobson. I just can't keep some things under my hat... I keep bursting to reveal what's around the next bend... I'm trying to work on that. Subtle foreshadowing is awesome... and something I do not excell in. But as always... work to improve.

Girlbrainiac

#11 Jul 11th 2007, 11:16am
Trobson666
Exactly. When I go to University in september I'll be studying 'English and Creative Writing', so hopefully that will help me in that department
#12 Jul 11th 2007, 12:27pm
Running Sunrise
Des pressed her forehead against the glass of the car window, watching the Puerto Rican countryside fly by. Acres of plantain trees spread out as far as she could see, eventually giving way to rain forest and darkly green mountains. Growing on the side of the road were orange trees, and the clusters of bright fruit were growing so thickly that they would fall from their branches to rot on the ground and get squished under the tires of her mother’s car. They had stopped seeing the concrete, tropical colors that signified the squat houses so common here a long time ago, and now there was just the empty road and the orange trees that lined it.

Does that grab your interest?

#13 Jul 12th 2007, 1:11pm
Girlbrainiac
It's a start, Sunrise, and a rather good one to be getting on with. You could always flesh it out a bit more, though.

My suggestion would be to use more vivid words in your description, add more details, like the type of car (old and rusted, new and shiny, dirt covered...), whether it's a smooth or bumpy or winding road... What the plantain trees look like (neat and orderly in a row, or growing wildly?)

Also, use more of the senses. I imagine that you would probably be able to smell the orange trees, or the inside of the car, feel the temperature (hot day, cool air conditioning, high humidity and therefore stickiness), sounds she hears, the tires on gravel, the song on the radio, the hum of the engine, her mother on a cell phone, rustling of leaves, roar of wind... The possibilities are endless. It's your story. You decide what we hear, see, smell, feel, taste...

As I said, though, good start.

Girlbrainiac

#14 Jul 12th 2007, 8:18pm
Lord-of-Fools
I think it's best if your opening sentence is short and to-the-point, though this is not always the case. I don't think you need to explain the glass of the car window- don't give the reader any more information than is necessary at that point in time. Everyone knows car windows are made of glass :) Say either glass or car window, but you don't really need both. Simply 'glass' would perhaps be better as it makes the second part of the sentence stand out more. 'Des pressed her forehead against the glass, watching the Puerto Rican countryside fly by'. Also consider your verb. I know you're starting and that's fine, but try not to fall into these traps laid out by our language. Use the verb as a descriptive tool. Try to capture the movement of the car, the mood of the character and the piece itself, the atmosphere. I don't really know what the mood of the story is simply from reading that, but perhaps I could gain a sense with a different verb. Words like 'streamed, hurried, jounced, ambled, jittered...' enhance the mood of the sentence and immediately tell the reader how the character is feeling about this journey, how the car is moving and generally gives a whole new ambience to the story.

Gah. Went on a bit of a... lecture there.

I worke so hard trying to get a half decent opening sentence and paragraph for my story! I can't write anything until I've got a first line, so it was a great relief when something came to me for this. Not sure how gripping it actually is though. Tell!

"Kali tried to pry her fingers from the dead woman’s still-cold hand. She was not sure when the nun had died, but there was an absence through the room now, as if all the candles had been softened, one-by-one, until darkness at last became conceivable. Once, Kali had been told that death was like the sunset; no one could pinpoint the moment when the life slipped under the horizon, but the times before were glorious, and those afterwards dark. She looked about, but the room was completely empty and no sound indicated that anyone was coming. No one, then, had seen her sleeping during the Vigil. Standing to brush the dust from her dress, she took one last look at the dead nun. It seemed sad that the old woman should have died without a name and hidden by the ecclesiastical mask worn by all of the ordained holy men and women of Kali’s people, the White Faces. With another surreptitious look around the sparse room, as though someone could have entered unnoticed as she made her final appraisal of the body, Kali leaned over the dead woman and lifted the wooden mask."

#15 Jul 13th 2007, 2:54am
Girlbrainiac
I think it's best if your opening sentence is short and to-the-point, though this is not always the case. I don't think you need to explain the glass of the car window- don't give the reader any more information than is necessary at that point in time. Everyone knows car windows are made of glass :) Say either glass or car window, but you don't really need both. Simply 'glass' would perhaps be better as it makes the second part of the sentence stand out more. 'Des pressed her forehead against the glass, watching the Puerto Rican countryside fly by'.

I disagree, LOF. "Glass of the car window" establishes that she is in a car with her head pressed against the glass. What you're saying about shortening the first sentence is merely a matter of opinion, though, of course, everyone is entitled to theirs. I believe that first sentences or paragraphs should either establish a mood, a character, a setting, or a theme. In this case, it establishes a setting, though it does a bit to say one or two things about a character. That is what makes it effective.

Now onto the one you're working on :D.

"Until darkness at last became conceivable..." sounds like a rather odd thing to say, almost paradoxical in a sense. Darkness, by it's nature, conceals and obscures. That you percieve the darkness is rather odd. What is darkness but an abscence of light? Maybe it's the word 'concievable' that you chose... It isn't strong enough, I think (and I think you meant percievable, not concievable). 'Evident' might be slightly stronger, or, perhaps, 'all encompassing'. Whatever floats your boat.

I like the metaphor of death being like a sunset.

"She looked about, but the room was completely empty and no sound indicated that anyone was coming." Instead of saying that no sound indicated that somone was coming, try shortening it to fit her somewhat nervous mood. "She looked about but the room was empty. She listened. No sound. No one was coming."

On the whole, I liked this one as well. In this case, it works to establish her character. We can tell from this paragraph that she is curious, somewhat irresponsible, and a little nervous about possibly being caught at what she's doing.

My two cents. Hoped it helped, LOF.

Girlbrainiac

#16 Jul 13th 2007, 6:27am
Miriam Doyle
I like any opening sentence of a short paragraph which screams, 'READ ME! I'M INTERESTING!'

(oopsie, missed out the indefinite article O.O)

#17 Jul 13th 2007, 7:32pm . Edited Jul 14th 2007, 7:27am
Evil Minion Number 2
I like any opening sentence of short paragraph which screams, 'READ ME! I'M INTERESTING!'

I couldn't put it any beter terms myself.

#18 Jul 13th 2007, 9:36pm
Miriam Doyle
Instead of saying that no sound indicated that somone was coming, try shortening it to fit her somewhat nervous mood. "She looked about but the room was empty. She listened. No sound. No one was coming."

Even better, you could make her seem more nervous by opening it with a question: '...Was no one coming? She listened: no sound. She looked about, but the room was empty.' Although Girlbrainiac's suggestion is just as good. Whatever floats your metaphorical boat ;D

#19 Jul 14th 2007, 7:32am
Miriam Doyle
Sorry, I just love that phrase ^^
#20 Jul 14th 2007, 7:32am
Evil Minion Number 2
I get metophorically sea sick. :o
#21 Jul 15th 2007, 5:39pm
Girlbrainiac
Another pet peeve of mine... Starting a story with pointless dialogue just so the reader will know the name of the character straight off. Personally, I think a name is just a label that tells you nothing. If it tells you nothing, then it does not belong in the first paragraph. If you're wondering what I mean, I'm talking about such lines as:

"Tom, wait up!" ...Followed by the named character waiting up and the two of them having a rather boring and pointless conversation that is merely meant to serve as exposition. Few people write exposition well in the form of dialogue. If you can't write well that way, don't do it.

And now for another good story starter....

From "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald:

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

I like it because it sort of establishes the narrator as an outsider, an observer of the unusual and unsavory actions of other people. It gives you a sense of the view from which the whole story unfolds, not from the view of someone completely immersed in the world that surrounds him, but that of a spectator.

Girlbrainiac

#22 Sep 12th 2007, 7:57am
Askran Maiden
Hmm, I always liked an opening that slowly drew you in, a bit like slipping in a warm bath. But I see your point about a good opening line.

What I really like to do is to start with a short, quick attention grabber, like a few paragraphs to a page or two, before switching to the slower pace of life.

For example, one of my stories starts with this:

Sirens were blaring in his ears, flashing lights designed to disorient him sprung to life along the corridors. His legs protested the extra strain being asked of them, his lungs screamed as he drew shallower and shallower breaths. Yet still he ran. He had finally seen his chance, his opening, and he had taken it. He thought of the guard left for dead near room 676. He hadn’t killed the man, he continually reminded himself. He had only meant to prevent the guard from stopping him, but things had gotten out of hand. He allowed a wry smile to cross his face. The higher-ups probably never thought he would use their training against them, against the guard still lying unconscious on the floor where he was left. If he weren’t found soon, he’d surely bleed out. And in the ongoing chaos, no one would notice the one missing guard until it was too late. The howling of dogs dragged him from his reverie and he forcibly ignored the blood on his hands. There would be time to deal with that later, when he was gone from this nightmarish hell. For now he would concentrate on escaping. And when he reached the roof, an unavoidable thrill engulfed him as he leapt from the edge and flew .

The next section launches into phone-messages and daily life of another main character, the person whose POV I'm writing from. I give her a chapter of normalcy to get a rough introduction to the setting of the story and the rules of the universe before throwing the monkey wrench into the works.

#23 Feb 24th, 12:53pm
awilla the hun
In my mind, the best opening ever is from War of the Worlds by H.G Wells. The rest of the book is good too, but here it is:

"No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's and yet as mortal as his own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacency men went to and fro over this globe about their little affairs, serene in their assurance of their empire over matter. It is possible that the infusoria under the microscope do the same. No one gave a thought to the older worlds of space as sources of human danger, or thought of them only to dismiss the idea of life upon them as impossible or improbable. It is curious to recall some of the mental habits of those departed days. At most terrestrial men fancied there might be other men upon Mars, perhaps inferior to themselves and ready to welcome a missionary enterprise. Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. And early in the twentieth century came the great disillusionment. "

#24 Feb 25th, 12:13pm
lord of light

awilla, that is one of my favorite books ever.

here's one from "the Metamorphisis" by Franz Kafka

"when Greggor Samsa woke up one morning from his unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in bed into a monsterous vermin."

when the first sentance of a book says the main character has turned into a bug, i dont care who you are but you want to read on.

#25 Apr 22nd, 12:01am

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